Limits for Submissives (and Dominants)

Screen Shot 2018-02-19 at 2.30.40 AMSo I as think of what limits I have, it brings me to the very many submissives we talk to online who say they have no limits. It makes me laugh, and it makes me confused. Daddy tends to talk to them and say silly things to them, like “Oh so I can break your arm?” “NO, of course not!” So yes you have limits. You have boundaries in what you think your dominant may or may not do to you. There are many dominants who are sadists, and submissives matching their sadism with masochism. It’s a nice pairing of desires, but you have to know what you can and can not tolerate. Is it okay to be marked? Is sleeping in a cage okay? Sleeping on the floor okay? It isn’t something this submissive would want to do unless it was a punishment. It’s not something I desire. Your limits are things that when crossed will make you feel abused. They will make you feel that your life is not worth living. You can not afford to accept someone who crosses a hard limit.

Now that being said some “hard” limits, you may wind up enjoying. Those are limits you may not think you may like, but they really turn out to be soft limits that you did not think you could possibly enjoy. Maybe, a good example of that is anal sex or being spanked with a belt or paddle. Those are examples of limits that you can walk away from thinking, “Gee, I really enjoyed that.” Soft limits are just that, limits that you may not think you would like, but you’ve never tried. Sometimes, those soft limits will turn the other way and become hard limits. You never know.

Dominants have limits as well. What is it you refuse to do to someone? Will you refuse to use needles or draw blood with a whip? Everyone has different limits. There is no right or wrong answer here, but the fact remains everyone has some limits, whether they are implied or vocalized, or just intrinsically known by the other, there are limits. Fortunately, a good dominant will know that, but unfortunately, a bad one won’t want to know. The unfortunate reality is there are abusive men who cloak themselves in the Dominant category and prey on new submissives who don’t know any better. They will belittle the submissive and tell them a “real submissive or slave has no limits.” Nothing could be further from the truth. It is imperative that we all communicate our limits with our dominants and submissives.

I have said that I don’t have limits with my Daddy. It’s true because I don’t need to communicate them anymore. He knows me so very well, he knows what I can handle and what I enjoy. I, in turn, do not have to tell him over and over again. He knows. So, in reality, I have limits but they need not be verbalized. I have gained his trust and he has gained mine.  We know so much about each other that they needn’t be vocalized at all.  Daddy can be quite the sadist, so inflicting pain and seeing tears does not stop his torment, but my safe word does.

That brings me to safewords. Everyone needs one. I have never used one. I don’t enjoy using them, which unfortunately brings a huge burden to Daddy. He needs to know my threshold to pain without using one. I don’t like them personally because I don’t like disappointing Daddy. He would argue that it’s my job to use one. I have not had to use one because he is very conscientious about making sure I am okay. This is from being together for years. A new submissive with a new dominant does not have that luxury. They don’t trust each other enough, nor do they know enough about each other to play in that manner. Communication about your limits and what safeword you will use is not only important but necessary for everyone’s protection.

I am happy to say I have found a dominant that would not cross the boundaries I have set for him, which at this point are mostly nonverbal and just known. I know what he could not do as well as he knows what I couldn’t tolerate. Be aware of the imposters, the abusers, the romanticists who are reading too many romance novels, and those who are mentally unstable. Enjoy those who know your desire, and their own desires match yours. It’s daunting to find the right partner, but it is so worth it. Just make sure you don’t get hurt looking for them-emotionally, physically or mentally.

I love you Daddy and I am blessed to know you. You are a wonderful example of what is right in the lifestyle.

Big hugs and kisses,

Your Sugar

 

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What Do You Deserve?

So after reading some articles on Fetlife, I read one that was about what we deserve and what do your partners deserve. It got me to thinking about what I bring and what I require to be happy in my position with regards to my submission and my life, in general.

I need honesty. I need to feel loved for exactly who I am. I need affection and acceptance. I need to not be afraid, to feel protected. I need to feel that I am a good girl. I need to feel useful and that I have pleased you. I need to feel that I matter. That my happiness matters. That I am worth your time. That I am not an imposition. That I can be of value in your life. That if I were not in your life anymore, it would affect you. That you would feel a loss of some kind.

I think what I deserve is what I need. And what you deserve is what you need. That if my daddy needs a best friend and confidant that’s what I will give him. That I will provide an outlet for him, whether it be sexual, S/m inspired, or just a listening ear. I am his and he will always provide my needs to me. That I accept him and he accepts me for exactly who we are.

If there is something either of us needs that hurts the other one, we communicate about it-decide if what we want is worth it. I deserve to always feel secure. Daddy deserves to also feel secure, to be able to trust his submissive and to know above all else I am consistent and predictable.

So in our dynamic, we all need to determine what is it we need and what we deserve. We are all worthy of love. I need to feel love. It’s something we need to feel. We are worthy of love.

Daddy, I love you. I try hard to see your needs and pay attention to your desires. You deserve to feel loved and to be able to trust me.

I love you, Daddy,❤️

Sugar.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Just because we have some different ways of showing our love and just because we have more definite rules in our relationships, doesn’t mean we aren’t lovers. BDSM is full of love, respect and deep caring. I think much more than most vanilla relationships.

We are best friends, confidants, and enjoy every moment together. It’s a joy to be hugged. Not so very different from any vanilla relationship. We have definitely more visible boundaries to be sure. We would be punished for things others can do readily. And those things change from relationship to relationship. In BDSM the rules are different for every relationship. And they are more pronounced.

We are different, but in our differences we find a closer bond. Something that is hard to describe to others. It’s a level of trust that is huge. It’s the realization that a small infraction could tear the whole cloth. It’s the knowledge that you can destroy what took years to build in a lie. So we don’t lie, we don’t need to lie. I may not always like what daddy tells me, but I always love the truth in it. He may not like that I am as brutally honest with him as he is with me, but I have explained that when I give him a compliment or praise it’s never superficial. It’s always from my heart and my truest emotion.

Our bond is special. It’s protection. It’s kind. It’s a million things wrapped up in a pretty red bow with love. It’s who we are in a raw state, with no masks or pretense. It’s two hearts open and loving. It’s fragile and it’s strength is unmeasurable. It’s get in your face but it’s with utter admiration and respect. It’s knowing that it can all be broken with a lie but it’s also knowing that it’s the strongest relationship you’ve even known.

So yes we are all different in this lifestyle. We have different rules. We have different boundaries, but we have strength in our relationships. And love- lots and lots of love.

Happy Valentine’s Day fellow Kinksters. Enjoy our day of outwardly showing love. We are blessed. We are strong.

I love you daddy, with my heart and soul. And I am yours. I am loved and I love deeply. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Kisses and Hugs, ❤️💋❤️💋❤️💋

Sugar

Feeding Your Dominant

Dominants have a very heavy load to carry. They have to care for their submissive(s). They have to lead you, make decisions for you, and be all dom-ly. It’s all after they are dealing with work, children, the dry cleaning, the Walmart line for toilet paper. It’s not always very sexy, or Dom-ly. It’s mundane and rote. It’s dull, it’s important and it’s just not the dom-ly way. So when you see your dominant, what do you do for them? How do you bring them back to being your dominant, your leader, your daddy?

I try hard to ease into my role as his submissive. I tend to use humor, and make him laugh. I try to ease the tension and understand that he’s had a rough week. I am quite a silly baby girl most of the time so it’s pretty easy to make him laugh. If we are lucky enough to be all alone in a private place, I can help him relax, with gentle touches, with allowing him to ease into our dynamic. If we are at a restaurant, I try to carry hand cream and massage his hands. I bring him small gifts, or little surprises, something to remind him that I am his submissive and I am here for him.

I can tell when he is feeling like the world is off his shoulders when he gives out a heavy sigh and he knows I am his once again. He then starts to play with my little, teasing her and making her blush and giggle. I can breathe a sigh of relief and know that things are put in place the way they belong. I am his and he is my daddy. There isn’t any question of how much I adore him or that he is enjoying his position in my life.

It is a sad thing when we finally get into our D/s positions and we have to leave. It brings me to tears all the time. I feel even worse crying because it makes daddy feel even more badly. I try to hold it together and keep my tears to when I’m alone but I suck at doing that. I always say good bye with an I love you daddy. I always want him to remember that I am his, and he’s my daddy and he’s loved so very much. I hug him too long. He knows without a shadow of a doubt how I feel about him.

I am afraid the longer we have been apart the worse it is to get back into our D/s dynamic. He’s had so much to handle in life and I don’t want or need to be one more stressor in his life. I am here to relieve the stress, not add to it. I wish life were easier for us, and we could just be in our roles 24/7, but it’s not possible. We are real people, with real lives.

Find out what your dominant needs to get into his Dom-ly headspace and try to give it to them. Your life with be better, and your relationship will be better and more rewarding if you do that. You know who he is with you. bring out the best in him and allow him to lead and cherish your moments together.

I love you, daddy and to say I can’t wait to see you, is an understatement. Come home soon. I will help you relax and recharge. And center you in the best possible way- by simply allowing you to be you. That is all anyone can ever ask for in life. Being loved for who you truly are.

All my love and devotion,

Sugar

My Submissive

We are not a spectacle, we are real loving breathing people.  I only say this because as we journey through our lives we meet so many people, that just don’t understand our partnership.  I as a Dom, can not exist without my sub kneeling at my side.  I am also not really in charge, the dynamic is.  I am not allowed to do what I want, when I want.  I am to love, protect, help train and make my submissive the best she/he can be.  The same can be said for the Submissive, her/his life is to protect and serve and help her/his Dom.  I have often said the Sub/Dom partnership is deeper then marriage.  I say this because the trust is deeper, the honesty is also deeper and the risk could be eternal.  When a submissive lays her/his body out for me, it is not just to make love or to play with.  The body is given in trust and acceptance.  She surrenders all of herself without cause or concern.  I am not sure who else would offer such a beautiful gift in such a deep way.  I am respectful of the submissive, I am in Awe of her/his trust.  I marvel at the beauty of the gift she/he freely gives.  I am humbled to her/his true power to serve and protect.  The submissive is a true gift from God.  To love, cherish, protect and honor.  Be forewarned, like a true butterfly a submissive is, not easy to catch and not easy to keep.  The wings are beautiful to the eye and delicate to the touch.  Keep her/him as you should or she/he will surely fly away.

Daddy

What a submissive is NOT—-

So many articles state what a submissive is supposed to be. She is supposed to be obedient, anticipate your needs, be respectful, follow orders, do what you need her to do, etc., but almost no one talks about what she is not.

She is not stupid. She has intelligence and has opinions. She has a good brain and uses it. She may be wired differently from other women but she’s still intelligent and has her own thoughts.

She is not a doormat. She can say no to people, especially people not her dominant. She can ignore or not follow your directions if you’re not her Dom. She doesn’t have to say yes to anyone, but her dominant.

She is not a whore. She may be her dominant’s whore. She may be his slut. That doesn’t mean you will ever get a chance to touch her, without her dominant’s or her permission. She doesn’t just spread her legs for anyone. Actually, she may be more monogamous than most women. She is very much devoted to her dominant and would never cross his orders or wishes.

She is not easily lead. It takes brains and intelligence to lead her. She requires caring, respect, affection, compassion, and kindness (CRACK) to awaken her submission to anyone. She needs to know you have her best interest at heart. She needs to know you have earned the right to her submission.

She does not need inconsistency. She’s much better suited to you and her world being as consistent as possible. Don’t keep changing your rules and guidelines for her. Don’t say yes one day and no the next. You’ll confuse her and will make her feel insecure in her submission. She thrives on consistency. She craves it.

So there are many things a submissive is, but just as many things she is not. Treat her as the unusual and spectacular woman she truly is and you will be rewarded with probably the finest, most loyal, loving woman you have ever come across.

I am proud to be daddy’s very loyal submissive. He has earned my submission and my love. I am his person, his submissive to hold dear to his heart. And he is my Daddy, first and foremost that I follow and he leads me.

I love you, Daddy,

Always and forever,

Sugar

Doesn’t Matter…

Screen Shot 2018-01-17 at 1.21.49 AMNope. Doesn’t matter, if you have a bad day, I’ll still love you. Doesn’t matter, if you have nothing or everything, I’ll still love you. Doesn’t matter, if you are angry at me, I’ll still love you. Doesn’t matter, who else you love, I’ll still love you. Doesn’t matter, if you make a mistake, I’ll still love you. Doesn’t matter, if you punish me for being an ass, I’ll still love you. Doesn’t matter, how long you have to go away, I’ll still love you. Doesn’ t matter, if you love me or not, I’ll still love you. Doesn’t matter, what you do or don’t do, I’ll still love you.

I will love you till my last breath. I will hold your heart safe inside of my heart. I will do everything I can to protect your entire being. I will love you forever.  I will love you unconditionally and without expectations. I will love you, not who I want you to be, not who you want to be, not who everyone else sees, YOU! Raw, unfiltered, stripped of your persona, you… I love YOU…

Life will work out for you, life will carry you to new things. I will be there with you every step of the way.

My love, my heart, my prayers, my being, are yours, I am yours.

I love you, always and forever,

Sugar…

New Year’s Resolutions!

Screen Shot 2017-12-29 at 11.29.42 PMWhen I think of New Year’s Resolutions, I think of weight loss. I think of looking better. I think of hard work in the diet and exercise arena. I am sure that is what many of us are thinking about, and yes, that is my one of my New Year’s Resolutions, but this year I am going to add some things that probably no one will notice. No one will say ” You look great.” I am going to be better inside. Better at being kinder, more gentle, more tolerant, a better person in general. I want to try to do something nice for someone each day. I want to be more giving, more like a weeping willow than an oak. Softer in my thinking, less ridged. I will have Daddy to help me and guide me and to protect me.

Why would I need protection? I am very easily “taken” by people. It is easy for me to become a doormat.  Daddy always lets me know when that is happening. I can rely on his judgment and his guidance to help me. I also want to be a much better submissive for him. Grow in my submission, grow in my knowledge of his needs. He is a wonderful man who deserves to have the best in life, and that includes having the best in me. So yes, I will try my damndest to look better, be better and try harder. I have a big heart and I can’t think of a better way to make it bigger still. I know that there is no limit to how big your heart can get. I can trust that I will be safe because I have someone to watch over me.

I am so very blessed and so very happy to have my life as it is. I thank God for all that I have. It will make me happier to share all my blessings with others. I am eternally grateful that I have Daddy and Kitty. I don’t know what I’d do without them. They warm my heart and make it swell. They make me so very happy. It is my joy to serve my Daddy in any way, I can.

I love you, Daddy. I want to make you so very proud of me. That means I have to be the best submissive I can be, the best at caring for your needs, your desires, caring for you. It also means I have to be healthy, wise and not foolish. It means I have to trust only those who have earned my trust and help those who need my help, but won’t abuse my help. You are the one person I can trust with my life. I know you trust me, as well. Your happiness is at the forefront of my thinking. I want you to be happier than you have ever been in your life and I know you will always take care of my needs. You are my heart, and you have my heart.

My eternal love and devotion always,

Happy New Year Everyone! May 2018 be your best ever!!!

Sugar

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

Today is Daddy’s birthday. I can’t think of anyone I want to have the happiest birthday than Daddy. He’s not with me today, but he’s here in my heart. I know that every moment he is away, he feels my love and good wishes.

Daddy didn’t always have it so easy in life. He made a wonderful life for himself and never wallows in self pity. I admire him so very much. He would give those he loves anything to make them happy and feel loved. I would do anything to see him smile and feel loved. He wasn’t and isn’t always loved properly, but he never even knew what love was suppose to look like so he accepted whatever he received. I will  always try to make up those years to him, to love him properly, to make him feel totally and unconditionally loved. He has my heart, devotion, admiration and love.  Daddy is a treasure to all who know him.

His birthday is a celebration for me. I am reminded that God sent him to this earth maybe, just for me to love. Maybe, just to show me a better way to be. Someone special, who understands me like no one else could ever really understand me and can lead me to be all that I can be. Someone, who also needs me, as much as I need him. Someone, which I can show and receive unconditional love. A rare experience in today’s world, indeed.

I love you, Daddy!!! Happy, happy birthday! The best is yet to come, and I will be here to celebrate the day you were born. It is my day too! The day the love of my life was born and sent here to find me one day!!!

Love and admiration,

Sugar

P.S. It all started with a cupcake!

Peace and Kindness

I would like to say thank you for all the readers of our blog. It may seem like a silly thing but writing is cathartic to me. The fact that anyone reads our blog at all is amazing to me. I know I speak for Daddy, and Kitty when I say thank you all. Your comments, encouragement, laughter, and support often make my day. Your likes and quips often make me keep writing.

Remember this holiday season, no matter what faith or where you are, be kind to each other. Just do one kind thing a day. Take the time to acknowledge those you love. Maybe even those who you don’t love as we. If we all did just one kind thing millions of kind things would be accomplished every day.

I have a Daddy who does kind things for me all the time, but that isn’t unusual you say, he is “family.” He does kind things for people he doesn’t even know. He will be mad at me for saying anything he’s done but I will anyway. He saw a homeless guy who was trying to fish with a broken rod, he gave him one. He saw a girl in the airport buying a drink and she was short money he gave her a $10 gift card. He has given countless people money or food or clothing or whatever, when they were down. I could go on and on. I won’t embarrass him any more than that. (For you see, he’s very humble and doesn’t understand his value all the time.)

And I have been touched by a man who has taught me to do kind things for those who have less than I do. Someone who is not only a leader, but an inspiration to me. I look up to him always but especially this time of the year.

I admire you Daddy more than you could ever know. You have changed my world for the better. I am stronger, kinder and more secure because I know that you are behind me protecting me, and I am i front of you protecting you. You have referred to me as you little warrior submissive. You bring out that part of me. You have given me someone worth fighting for (besides my children.) I wish you peace in your heart and an know that you are my hero.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, or whatever you believe but all religions and even atheists know without kindness we are nothing.

So please do kind things for each other. Pay it forward and do a good deed. Make someone smile, make someone feel good about themselves. It’s doesn’t cost much and maybe you will have given humanity a reason to grin after all. I know my Daddy does.

I love and admire you, and I’m here for you.

As Always, Your faithful and Loyal Submissive,

Sugar