A Daddy is a Daddy Forever

I have read a lot of things about Daddy Doms. I have read about what they are like, what they expect of their babygirls, some of the characterizations of a daddy. I have written about my relationship with my daddy. He has written about some of the trials and tribulations of having a little as a submissive. I have read all about Daddies and what I read tonight said it best. It was amazing to realize it. And I could not have said it better. Paraphrasing now: A Dominant is as long as a Dominant is wanted. A Master is as long as a Master while Mastery is wanted. But a Daddy is a Daddy to his baby girl forever. You do not ever enter a Daddy/babygirl relationship lightly. It’s not something you do on a whim. If you are a Daddy or a babygirl, choose wisely. Make your choices seriously. I know it’s a lot of fun and games in the beginning, but as Daddy has written, it’s like a pencil, sometimes it gets dull and annoying.

My Daddy named my little. She’s his. One hundred percent his. He identified her age, He did not however make her that age. He didn’t change her in anyway. He identified her. He made her real. Much like the Velveteen Rabbit. She became real from being loved and known, I have other sides to me besides my little. I am a mommy and a vanilla grow ass adult. I work, have kids, I function as a normal woman. I have a master’s degree, I’m not mentally ill. I have a masochistic side and a need to be cuddled as well. I have had issues, I probably always will, but the fact remains I am not unlike many people on this earth with a little inside of them who just don’t have them identified! We all know that person who sometimes is like a 16 year old. Maybe, they just have a little inside of them. Maybe they haven’t truly grown up. I don’t know, but I know that if you find yourself with a little, it’s very difficult  to let them go.

A Little is a little forever, but not all the time. Translation, she is not always her little self. She can have many roles in her life. She is many things to many people but to her, her Daddy is her Daddy forever.

Daddy always tells me that, but until I read it, it didn’t truly make any sense. Now I see so clearly what he meant.

So if you are a Daddy or a Mommy Dom/me, choose well but understand, you don’t toss away a baby girl/boy. You keep them and help them and accept them for who they are. Guide them and nurture them . They are yours. Forever and a Day.

Daddy, I am yours, always and forever. I am one of the lucky ones. I have my forever Daddy.

My love and devotion,

Sugar (and Sophie!)

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Gifts of the Heart

Not all gifts are of the kind you can buy. I have known that for a long time. A good dominant will give you things that you can’t buy and can’t do for yourself. He can make you feel special, he can make you feel important to him. You can have very good self-esteem, but when someone makes you feel  special. It’s like a special dessert on top of the very scrumptious meal.

Some submissives thrive on humiliation, I’m not one of them. I have plenty of that in my life. Most of us do. I have a dominant who thrives on lifting me up, not putting me down. He has enough self-esteem that he doesn’t need to make me look and feel smaller to make himself feel better. I, in turn, love to please him more. (Not meant to be a judgement on those who love humiliation) I want the best for him and that includes me. We are always trying to improve our relationship and ourselves.

Some of my gifts to him are protecting him or trying to do that. It isn’t an easy job and believe me I get into trouble doing it. I love nurturing him as much as he loves nurturing me. What I believe some people miss totally is that a dominant is not out to just meet his own needs. He’s out to take care of and nurture his submissive. I simply can’t tell you how wonderful that feels.

I allow him to vent to me-about life, about his kids, about his other relationships. About anything truthfully. We are each other’s best friends. We feel like a very worn and comfy pair of jeans. That is not to say either of us take for granted what we have. We do not. He is very cognizant of my needs and what is good for me, what I can handle and what I can not. If I don’t think I can handle x, y, z, I tell him, either when he tells me or when I have had time to process that information. Once again a recurrent theme in all of my blogs is communication. I allow him to communicate with me. I try hard not to become upset about what he is whats to do or he is feeling. Am I always successful? Hardly, but I do not run. I don’t hide, I don’t retreat, I don’t become vengeful. I simply talk about it or vent back to him or accept that this is something that is important to him.

There is a whole lot of love between us, and we do share that love. It’s a very intimate moment when we do that. There is a look, a touch, a smile that is our unspoken connection that is often just incredible to witness. We are one, in our hearts and souls.

I simply adore you Daddy, and I know that I am loved and cared for in my life. I can smile and grin, knowing I am yours.

My love and devotion,

Sugar

What a Dominant is Not (and some things he should be as well)

Screen Shot 2018-07-08 at 11.05.28 AM.pngGuess what? He’s not perfect! He makes mistakes. He’s not going to save you from yourself. He’s not going to make your life perfect. You will still have to do the same things you have always had to do. You’ll go to work, clean, take care of your family, do chores, go shopping, and even, get mad at him. You will have to learn that he is flawed. Yep, that’s right, he’s flawed, and yes, he doesn’t like to admit it. Not at all. When he makes a mistake, he will try his damnedest to give you a “reason” why it happened. Stand up to him. It’s okay. You can be strong. If he is to trust you, and not treat you as a doormat, you have to stand up to him, but… be respectful. Tell him you’re hurt, why you’re hurt and explain that he’s better than that. Make him feel like his mistake was just that, a mistake, not a life sentence, not punishable by death. Let him live it down. Let him keep his dominance, and right his wrong. A good Dominant will admit his wrongdoings, a great one will fix them. Give him space. It may take a while for him to admit he made a mistake. Be gracious in accepting his apology or admittance of wrongdoing. Talk to him about why he did x, y, z. He may have a reason, he may not but whatever happens, allow him to have dignity.

He’s not going to save you from yourself. He can’t save you from your own insecurities. He can’t make you suddenly perfect. He can’t change the way you feel about yourself. He can tell you a hundred times what he feels about you, but if you don’t believe in your worth- guess what?  You will still not believe him-not even the 110th time. You need to work on you. Be the best you, you can be. He will take care of being the best him he can be. He can’t make you change how you feel about him. Right or wrong, he will always lead you and care for you, but he can’t truly change you. One person can do that and only one. YOU! He can, however, give you structure. He can give you consistency and lead you to put together a plan that you may need to change something you’re not happy with your life. Maybe you want to lose weight or start working out. He can give you an incentive or punishment to help you get started and stay on track. Maybe, you want to learn how to cook his favorite pie, or breakfast. He can show you or find you a recipe for it.

Dominants are not Gods, they are people. They like to lead, they may or may not be sadists, but they are real, breathing people. They have the same issues we all do. They have worries, and fears of the unknown. They need your support in their endeavors. Dominants are amazing when they are focused. You can help them maintain that focus. Notice I didn’t say nag. Nagging isn’t at all what they need. That’s annoying and truly not submissive like at all. I have tried to help my Daddy stay in touch with family. I set reminders on my calendar to ask him if he has called his sister lately. Then he’s in control of it, not me. It’s in the wording of what you say and the intonation. Am I perfect? Do I make mistakes and say all the wrong things, and all the wrong ways? Hell, yes! More than I care to admit. Daddy doesn’t let me go on those big things. he will call me on the BS. (as well as I will call him on his!)

I am one of the luckiest submissives alive. I have a daddy who will admit his mistakes. Maybe not immediately, and maybe he won’t like swallowing that bitter pill, but eventually, he will admit his mistakes. I have communicated that if I know he understands why I am upset and can acknowledge what role he played in my being upset, I will be able to drop the whole thing and move on. Life is easier for all of us. In reverse, I can’t blame him for my shortcomings. I must ask his forgivness and try hard not to recreate my wrongs.

I am not perfect, he is not perfect either, but together we can be perfect for each other. I love you daddy and each and every day I thank God and the heavens above for allowing me to find a man who can help me, lead me, and bring out the best in my, and never my worst.

My heart is yours, my love is eternal.

Hugs and Kisses,

Sugar

The Bond

This is yet another entry about the bond that Is necessary in a D/s relationship. There are no other words to describe it except a bond. Like epoxy glue, or cement, you can’t pull apart that bond without damaging the original item. You can no more pull us apart then you can come rip a rock in half. It’s not to say you can’t damage a rock, but it would take some work.

This bond has grown. Grown from a tiny seedling into a giant oak tree. It grew from honesty, trust, communication, kindness, compassion, desire, attraction, empathy, meeting each other’s needs, and so many things. Our bond is like a brilliant diamond sparkling in the love we have formed. Unselfish love, slowly being formed into what we have today. It took time and lots of it. It took a grand heap of patience. It took falling very, very slowly in love.

I know that our bond is breakable. Everything is breakable. But it’s not advantageous to either of us to break it. It would leave us both changed for the worse. It would leave rough edges where synchronicity once was so evident. It would leave us hardened and distrusting. If I hurt Daddy, I would hurt myself, if Daddy hurt me, he would hurt more. Not many can truly understand our bond. And many have tried to come between us. It’s actually funny. Women tell him all kinds of things. How they can be better for him. How they can please him more. How they are different in a better way for him. It’s all rather funny and silly. They don’t imagine he tells me anything. He tells me everything. He shows me what I mean to him. He conveys how he feels about those women to me. What he likes, dislikes, what attracts him, what repels him.

Take your time to understand us. Then see how you feel about us. Don’t jump head first thinking you are inseparable to us. You may be in time. But it takes a long time to get to where we are today. Years. And lots of trust, a fountain of honesty and the ability to communicate what you desire and need. Over communication, keeping those flood gates open. Make sure we are all on the same page. And for everyone’s sake keep the drama negligible. Dear Lord, keep that for yourself and those who feed off of it. We despise it and it’s like insect repellent to us.

I love you Daddy, and I know that I am yours and you are mine. Till death do us part. My last breath will be “Goodbye, Daddy. Or Hello, Daddy in heaven. ”

My heart and soul are yours. And yours are mine.

Love you,

Sugar

To Trust, Or Not To Trust

What exactly makes you trust someone? There are several things that can be recognized. First and foremost is to have someone’s words and actions align perfectly. That what they say to you always or nearly always match what they do. That if they say they love you, they show you they love you. How that happens is individual to everyone. Maybe it’s taking time from a busy schedule to call you, or come to see you, or keeping a promise they make, kissing you when you least expect it. Making a plan to go away with you. Something that shows you what they say is how they truly feel. This alignment of words and actions solidifies the trust you desperately need to feel in order to have a thriving relationship, one that is not stagnant or makes you question everything they say.

You need to keep lying out of the relationship as well. That includes things you just don’t say because you don’t want the person to know. So if you skip telling the part of meeting someone after work, you lied. Lies by omission are still lies. They damage the foundation of a relationship-even if they are said to spare feelings. Examples: I can’t go with you to dinner I have to work late, when you’re meeting another coworker to have a drink. A better thing to say is “I promised a coworker I would have dinner with them and tomorrow we can go to dinner.” A relationship needs honesty. Then there isn’t a question of what is the real reason you can or can’t do something. Honesty is king of trust. Are there any reasons small lies are okay, sure! When you’re planning a surprise for someone or trying to find out what they would like or something that is is special for them.

Mean what you say, say what you mean. Now that is something that is absolutely necessary to establish a relationship with trust. Don’t say one thing and mean another. Even in trying to spare my feelings, I don’t like it. If you tell me you love a dress on me mean it. If you tell me you like my hair, mean it why? I can trust that when you say you look amazing you mean that. Cheap flattery is just that cheap, but an honest compliment means the world. Also if I tell you I’m not upset but truthfully I am crying and sad, you need to know that regardless of how badly that will make you feel. We can talk about how and why I feel that way and I can reassure you it’s okay and you’re still loved. Not harbor resentment that you should have known that I was upset and sad and didn’t. No one is a mind reader. Mean what you say, say what you mean. That builds a strong foundation of trust.

I’m lucky to have a dominant who shows me continually that I can trust him. It’s a daily thing. He is learning along side of me that together we can give trust the position of importance it deserves in our relationship. I am blessed beyond belief that I have finally found such a man.

My heart is yours and I strive to not only tell you that but to show you that. That when I give you a compliment it’s from my heart and soul, that when I tell you something you don’t want to hear, it’s true and not a lie. And you have shown me the same. Trust is of the utmost importance in my relationship. It allows me to give you my heart without reservation.

I love you, mind, body and soul.

Kisses and hugs,

Sugar

D/s And Friendship

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Many times we talk about Dominant and submissives and their unique bond. They trust each other, they often love each other, they are confidants, and have rituals. But are they truly friends? And should they be? I realize the answer would vary with each D/s relationship. Some will be some won’t be. Just as some D/ s relationships are only sexual in nature, some will be friends and much more.

I can’t imagine myself being with a dominant I couldn’t confide in and trust with my darkest secrets. I also can’t imagine him not trusting me to do the same. It is an odd thing actually that we share. The bond is so close.

We laugh at a lot of things and we are often quite silly. We look at life differently sometimes, but all in all we have the same outlook on living.

It is a real thing, being best friends with your dominant. It is a breath of fresh air. Having your needs met and meeting his needs; all while laughing and being each other’s friend and lover.

I am blessed to have someone who is all that to me and more. It’s a shame that everyone doesn’t have that. Those who do – know. Those who don’t – can’t fathom.

I love you, Daddy. Always. I am one lucky baby girl. I have a daddy I can call my best friend. My heart is yours.

Sugar.

The Meaning of Being Collared

Screen Shot 2018-05-07 at 2.07.12 AMSo Daddy brought up the topic today about what my collar means to me. In my view, that is a very complex question.  The quick answer is it represents our commitment to each other. It represents a whole plethora of things, actually. Right now, my mind is racing with so many meanings.

Wearing Daddy’s collar, can be looked at face value as a type of jewelry that shows I am taken. I am his possession, that he owns me in whatever way that is achieved. Much in the same way a wedding band shows that two people are “taken”. The difference is this is not at all legal, it’s “only” a written, or verbal contract between Dominant and Submissive/Slave. I used the quotes because it means so much more to me than any wedding vows or wedding ring.

Collaring a submissive/slave comes with responsibilities, many responsibilities. Not just of the submissive, but also of the dominant. We each enter this contract with a distinct set of responsibilities. The sheer act of collaring is very serious in my view. It’s not to be taken lightly, or frivolously.

As his submissive, it is my responsibility to pay attention to his needs, to keep him safe when he is on a destructive path, to always be truthful, to never set out to harm him for my own personal gain, to never try to embarrass him in any way, to be at his service in any way he deems fit for me. These things can only be accomplished by having trust in my Daddy. Trust that is hard to establish. Trust that is blind and rare. Trust that takes time to grow and to flourish. Trust that he will always keep my best interest at heart. That type of trust allows me to give of myself completely and unselfishly, knowing that my needs are always being looked at and acknowledged.

His responsibilities are many, as well. He is always mindful of my physical, emotional and mental well being. He is to protect me and keep me as safe from harm as he possibly can. He is to think if what he wants is not only good for him but good for me as well. That his intentions are always for the good of our bond, and strengthen our bond and never weaken it. He needs to be able to trust me in the same exact way I trust him. That I will always keep his best interest at heart as well.

This brings me to the emotional aspect of being collared. It is a giving of my heart to my Daddy. It opens my heart to hurt and pain and relies on that trust, that even if I gave him the tools to destroy me, he couldn’t or wouldn’t do that. That I may be a vulnerable as I have ever been in my life and have the complete knowledge that I am safe; that he would never tear my spirit or my heart to shreds. At the same time, I am responsible for making sure he feels safe opening his heart and he is allowed and even encouraged, to be just as vulnerable. That is emotional well being is protected and nurtured. We are all people, we all have weaknesses and strengths. It is my job to bring out his strengths and strengthen his weaknesses in any way I can.

Having collared me means that if I hurt, he hurts and if he hurts, I hurt. He is always as aware of my feelings, as I am to be of his. Unfortunately, being humans and making our share of mistakes, we have hurt each other occasionally, but never purposefully. It is our responsibility to right our wrongs in any way we deem necessary. Shhh, don’t tell anyone but Dominants make mistakes, just as submissives do. A good dominant always thinks about his mistakes and tries hard not to repeat them, just as a good submissive does. Which brings me to communication, if a Dominant doesn’t know how you truly feel, he can’t be expected to change his behavior. As good as they are at reading us, they are not mind readers. They need to know and hear what we feel and how we feel and why. So in order not to repeat a mistake they need to know they made one, just as we need to know. It is the growth that keeps the relationship alive and helps it flourish.

Collaring is serious business. It is binding two hearts together in a world where we toss things away when we no longer find a need for them. It is an understanding of safety. It is full of responsibility. Notice the word responsibility comes up continually. It renders the Dominant and submissive responsible for each other well being, and it is never to be taken lightly if they decide to remove the collar for whatever reason. I am never allowed to take it off without permission, but in certain circumstances, (which is rare I need to) I carry it with me. It is a physical reminder that I am Daddy’s, I am his submissive, I represent him, even if no one knows that I am his submissive, but especially if they do know.

I can’t begin to express how I am honored to be daddy’s collared submissive. His heart is always safe with me, as mine is safe with him. We bring out the best in each other and never the worst. I love you, Daddy and I am yours. And you are my daddy.

My love, admiration, and devotion, always and forever,

Sugar

What Do You Deserve?

So after reading some articles on Fetlife, I read one that was about what we deserve and what do your partners deserve. It got me to thinking about what I bring and what I require to be happy in my position with regards to my submission and my life, in general.

I need honesty. I need to feel loved for exactly who I am. I need affection and acceptance. I need to not be afraid, to feel protected. I need to feel that I am a good girl. I need to feel useful and that I have pleased you. I need to feel that I matter. That my happiness matters. That I am worth your time. That I am not an imposition. That I can be of value in your life. That if I were not in your life anymore, it would affect you. That you would feel a loss of some kind.

I think what I deserve is what I need. And what you deserve is what you need. That if my daddy needs a best friend and confidant that’s what I will give him. That I will provide an outlet for him, whether it be sexual, S/m inspired play, or just a listening ear. I am his and he will always provide my needs to me. That I accept him and he accepts me for exactly who we are.

If there is something either of us needs that hurts the other one, we communicate about it-decide if what we want is worth it. I deserve to always feel secure. Daddy deserves to also feel secure, to be able to trust his submissive and to know above all else I am consistent and predictable.

So in our dynamic, we all need to determine what is it we need and what we deserve. We are all worthy of love. I need to feel love. It’s something we need to feel. We are worthy of love.

Daddy, I love you. I try hard to see your needs and pay attention to your desires. You deserve to feel loved and to be able to trust me.

I love you, Daddy,❤️

Sugar.

Trials and Tribulations

I am an only child. So I really liked the idea of having a subbie sister. I wanted someone to share things with and to wanted them to share things with me. That we could be there for each other. My sister, Kitty has so many commitments between work and family we can’t seem to connect much. Well, someone from Daddy’s past came into his life and I embraced her with open arms. My heart hurts because I confided in her and she twisted the story to daddy. I got in a boat load of trouble. I explained but of course before I could duly explain, I inserted foot into mouth and took my head and stuck it up my ass. So I caused my own issues but none of these issues would have been a problem if my new (and now old) confidant had come to me about what she thought.

Okay it was my fault what I said. My fault that I vomited words that were not thought out. But nothing she said was my fault. I didn’t even say what she said to him. I take full responsibility for my actions. I don’t ever push it on anyone else.

Fast forward 2 days. Apparently, she is angry at me for causing her issues. Takes guts, but okay. I did my best not to go to my roots and snap and say the cruelest things to her. And I did pretty well. I did say I was amazed at her being upset with me and all I was looking for was an apology. I don’t want anything I wanted some remorse. Just an acknowledgement that I was wronged by her. What I got was a slap in the face. I now know she can’t be my sister, my confidant, my friend. She doesn’t understand the dynamic. She isn’t able to see how her actions affect us all.

So for now I will shut my big mouth, take some deep breaths, accept any consequences I receive, and know sometimes I’m just going to be alone with my thoughts and fears; I need to understand that fact.

Daddy and I are slowly righting ourselves, ridding me of any drama and both shaking our heads. I can’t imagine how I got in this dark hole. Oh wait, yes I can. I opened my mouth and inserted my foot.

I love you, daddy and I know that all things with us eventually right themselves. We’ve been through worse and been through better. I hope the sun comes out once again. I am truly sorry for anything I did that was disrespectful and distasteful. I never accept my own bad behavior and neither should you.

My heart is yours along with some feet in the my mouth.

Hugs and kisses,

Sugar

Feelings of the Heart (or Lack Of)

Screen Shot 2018-04-16 at 1.15.15 AMWhen I was a young teenager, I had a gorgeous male cousin, named Ralph. Now Ralph was the guy that all the girls wanted attention from and they flirted so much with him. He liked a lot of them and had his share of women. Problem for me was they used me to get to him. They would befriend me and call me and want to see me, just to have a chance to see him. It wasn’t immediately evident. I was young and outgoing, not as wise as I would grow to be. The problem for them was Ralph was gay, which is funny because he really was with more women sexually than most straight men. (In all actuality he was probably bisexual.)

Advance decades: I couldn’t quite put my finger on the odd feeling that women who try to join us gave me. Now I have. They have been using me to get to my daddy. I get that, I understand but it is the same creepy feeling I had years ago. He’s a remarkable and kind, handsome, loving man. Very desirable, but they don’t know him well. They think they do, but he’s more than what they think. MUCH MORE!

If I can equate what it’s like for Daddy and me, I will say it’s similar to a divorced single father. If you want my Daddy, you have to love me as well. Not superficially, not when it is convenient, not because you should or have to, because you do.

So I will have to stop my strong desire to please everyone, and focus on Daddy. I am backing off from them all. They are not truly interested in me as a love interest, just in me being a bridge to Daddy-Not much more than a paramour. Which is not what either of us want.

It will take them awhile to understand and to see that I’ve backed way off. That’s the telling part. It’s the part they won’t truly notice or care about.

Daddy, you are right that I am trying to please everyone. It is simply who I am. I am going to focus on you and me. And to help you in anyway I can. The rest will all work itself out.

Hugs and love and kisses,

Sugar