There are so many different types of BDSM relationships, from 24/7 slaves with little control to occasional bottoms in the bedroom, it’s really hard to know where on the continuum we fit. There are strict Gorean Doms, and nurturing Daddy Doms, as well as everything in between. There are S and M relationships, and simply D/s relationships. How can you know without knowing what you would like. Once again, as always, it’s communication. If you haven’t found a dominant, then now is the time to think about this. What is it you truly want? What fits with your life? What fits with your kink, and what is it you need?
I knew, almost from the beginning, that I needed nurturing. I spent hours in chat rooms. Why? To simply talk to people and see what I liked and needed. What made me feel good about everything and myself. What turned me on and was easy for me to live with. I am more of a natural submissive, (if you want to call it that,) I was always this way. I liked being nurtured. I have some mild to moderate masochistic tendencies, and I like pleasing. So my masochistic tendencies are much more heightened if I please Daddy. I am much more than a bottom, actually, BDSM sex is like the icing on the cake. I am this way. I thrive on pleasing. Whether with my friends, or my Daddy or my job. I like to please. The simple words, “Good Girl,” send chills down my spine. When Daddy laughs and we both are silly, I can’t be happier. When we go on fun little adventures, I am the happiest. Just fun things, but I try very hard to be a good submissive. Good for Daddy, I may not be good for anyone else’s Dominant, however. And that is the point. a D/s relationship is no different than a vanilla one. You have to find the right dominant. You can’t simply say ” Oh I want a Dominant.” and Poof they magically appear and are perfect.
So think about what it is you crave, but do yourself a favor- don’t romanticize this too much. There are no handsome princes ready to whisk you off on their white horse and save the poor damsel in distress. There are, however, so wonderful dominants who care, who are wise and who have a good heart and soul. Always choose the dominant who has your best interest at heart. And it’s not a one-way street, they need your protection as well. You also need a dominant who is able to say, “I made a mistake.” (Although getting that out of them may be a tad dodgy.) They’re not Gods and they are fallible. You can’t put them on pedestals and when they make a mistake, you fault them for being a bad Dom. Let me repeat this over and over again. WE ARE ALL HUMAN AND MAKE MISTAKES. There are no perfect people-no perfect dominants, no perfect submissives. So if they make a mistake, (here’s that C word again) Communicate. Daddy often tells us to OVER communicate. It’s hard sometimes, but the more we do, the easier it is. And that communication will allow them to understand what you did wrong, but also what they did wrong, as well.
The best thing I think about our relationship is our understanding that we can talk about anything and everything. We can make mistakes, (yes, I do get punished for them at times, depending on their severity) and we can survive those mistakes. We can discuss why we made that mistake and we can over-come them and try hard not to keep making the same ones. We can bounce back and return to our normal. Our normal may be quite different from your normal, however. And that is the whole point. Find someone you feel comfortable with who you can be happy with in and out of the bedroom. This is much more fulfilling in my book if you can have other interests and enjoy each other without the kink, as well as with the kink. Daddy and I try to do lots of non-kink activities as well as kinky ones, too.
Write down your top 10 wants in a dominant. Then put the 3 you need. Those are the qualities you need to look for in your dom. You can live without all of the wants. You can’t live without the needs. Finding a male dominant should be easy giventhere are about a hundred “doms” to one submissive, but alas, it’s not. There are many imposters, trying to get a quick, easy piece of ass. There are abusive men who are not interested in anything but hurting you and leaving you. There are men who aren’t dominant at all, they are controlling abusers and will only think of themselves. Stay away from them.
Remember, as a submissive you are responsible for making sure you are making good choices. Choose wisely. When in doubt, ask yourself, if a friend were dating this man would you think he was a good guy? Don’t sell yourself short. There are good men out there, but you have to look and most of all KNOW WHAT YOU WANT! As him what his top 3 needs are from you, as well. You may see they are totally different than you could imagine or similar to your needs. It is your responsibilty to choose well. No one, not a dominant or even your own mother can do that for you. Your choices matter in the long term. Choose wisely.
To my Daddy who makes all my poor choices seem silly now, I love you, and we are on the same page. I have needed you for a long time. You are proof that sometimes, (when you least expect it) dreams do come true.
My love and devotion,