Why Would You? 

fullsizeoutput_2daeIf you are a submissive and you know about the BDSM lifestyle, you should understand some basic rules of the lifestyle. The bond with a Dom and his submissive is tight. I could never go to a dominant with a “family” and assume I could ask to be sexually involved with them. It is a bond that is tighter than marriage. Knowing that someone has a submissive family, you should be respectful of them and their place in his life. It is neither becoming nor welcomed by the family to assume you have that right. I, in turn would also not assume, I could just bypass you and go to your boyfriend/Dominant and ask him to have any type of sex with me without speaking to you first and, of course, my Daddy about it first. I would think that people would know the same basic social rules should apply to BDSM families as in vanilla families. Sure, we are poly, but we are also a family!

I don’t know if other people have this issue, but it is annoying. Please use basic social rules of society if you befriend part of our family. Whether it is “hitting” on me or my sister or Daddy, it’s not nice to do when you know we are a family. It is rude and  insensitive. I am a very kind understanding submissive, I am not the truly jealous type. I do watch out for daddy’s well being and his heart. I will never understand women who act like they have a “right” to just assume they can replace us. It’s funny in a lot of ways. Daddy talks and is cordial. He will never be deceitful or lie to me, so ladies what you tell him eventually we know about. We have a no lies, no secrets agreement. We have a tighter bond than anyone can understand or imagine. 

Now I’m sure many of you are thinking, “Her Daddy should address this issue with them.” My daddy is kind and respectful. He is also extremely loyal to me and Kitty. He would never just not tell me about any sexual interlude without running it past me ahead of time. My issues aren’t with his behavior, they are with women’s behavior. They ask him for playtime (very submissive, as well by the way, said being more than a tad sarcastic) and either don’t choose to speak to us or ignore us. I am honored to have a very loyal and honest Daddy, who shows us his love in so many ways, being loyal is simply one of them. 

If you have experienced this, please leave a comment… I am baffled and confused. 

Sorry for the rant. lol I’m done now! It just needed to be said- out loud and for all submissive women to read and understand.   I’m sure we aren’t the only submissives who experience this. I’m sorry to all the respectful subs who also go through this. I feel for you. 

Thank you daddy for always keeping my best interest at heart, for understanding my fears and knowing my insecurities. I can’t ever think of a better Daddy to hold my heart. 

I Love you, and thank you for being who you are, 

Sugar!

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Being in a poly relationship has its ups and downs and takes communication, openness, trust and love to make it work. This post is about the 2 wonderful people I have embarked on this journey with almost 2 years ago. They are my rocks, my confidants, my sanity (at times)and my Daddy and Sister. I believe that people come into another persons life for a reason.  

These two have entered my life and have allowed me to enjoy their special bond, they have allowed me to love them and share fun times, erotic times, crazy adventures, challenging time and sad times. I just want to say thank you for listening and caring. Thank you for guiding me and picking me up when I stumble. Love always! 

Kat 

Flashback FridayWords and Actions – A Match Game (originally posted June 15, 2016)

We all have heard kind words, words that make your body melt, your heart sing, your mind wander to intimate scenes in far off places. Words that make you angry, feel badly about yourself or enraged. Words can heal or hurt, but words alone can be empty as well. 

When someone we love dearly has lots of beautiful words, we light up. We think how loved we are, it warms our soul. Yet if words are not followed by actions, they are no more filling than looking at a picture of a good meal. Looks great, but you grow hungrier each minute for real substanence. This is especially true in BDSM relationships. If I tell daddy I need to see him and all I get is an I love you and nothing else? Sounds great but did he make the effort? Or try to? If I tell my daddy that, he ALWAYS makes the effort, if humanly possible. It may be a five minute hug and kiss in a mall parking lot -but I will see him ASAP – it’s going to happen. I have many, many examples of words and actions and my daddy. Another one is I sleep much better and calmer when daddy says good night to me. He never misses. Even sick, even with his family, even in another state, another country, even if he’s upset with me. Never misses. It’s important to me, so it’s important to him. 
I am also the same way. If something is important to daddy? It’s important to me. An example, daddy loves feminine women. It is rare I would meet daddy without my hair, makeup done and cute panties. I even keep makeup in the car in case we happen to get 5 minutes and I don’t know about it ahead of time. Doesn’t take long to throw on some makeup and makes me feel pretty. Daddy likes thinner women. I’m not so thin. So since I’ve met him I’ve lost 25 pounds. It’s slow and it’s steady but it’s an action I can do. It’s not lip service, it’s not a dream. It’s the little concrete things we do. Daddy and I both delight in surprising each other with little gifts, and sometimes big gifts. It’s our way of saying out loud I love you and having our actions match our words. I will pick him up a shirt I know he’s like or some of his favorite tea, or a belt that he may use to spank me. I may get flowers or candy or he’ll take me to eat. We make the effort. We are worth the effort. I would never ever let a holiday, or birthday go by without getting daddy a gift or making him one. It’s not about the how grand the gift is or isn’t, it’s about celebrating your relationship. Making the effort and maintaining the effort, which leads back to consistency and that makes for a very stable relationship. 

Many times people say lots of things to you. I’ve missed you, and never make the effort to see you. I love you and never think to do something they know you’d love. They forget the loving courtship things that are so important to maintaining a relationship. The little things that say in actions, you matter. It is important to know what your partners love language is and do something. DO SOMETHING, ANYTHING BIG OR SMALL, but show your words have meaning. Talk is cheap, actions speak volumes. 

So if your significant other has beautiful words but the actions don’t say the same thing? It’s truly time to reevaluate the relationship. If they truly mean what they say, you’ll not only hear it, you’ll see it and feel it. You will have loving actions that match their exquisite words. Then and only then will you know how it feels to be truly loved. 

Thank you for being such a great daddy and for always backing up your words with actions. I love you daddy. 

Yours,

Sugar

What Does a Submissive Want From a Dom? (or what does she really need?)

The short answer is “EVERYTHING.” We want everything. We all want the perfect dominant. Strong, knows how to push all her pleasure buttons, knows how to put her in her place, without making her feel small. He takes care of all her wants and desires. She wants it all. She wants it now, now let’s look at what she actually needs.

She needs consistency. She needs to be able to trust that she is in good hands, that if he makes a rule, he will follow up with consequences if it is broken. She needs to be loved consistently. She needs to know that he won’t let her cross certain lines. She needs to know she must respect him. She needs to know that he is worth her submission. She needs to know that her limits will be respected. She needs to have her limits pushed to what is pleasing to her Dominant.

Now how to find such a dominant is one of the real issues. We need to use social media and find some worthy munches or meet and greets to actually socialize with real people. You can’t go to a library or the supermarket and say “Hello, I’m Sugar, I’m a submissive. Do you happen to be a dominant?” So to social media, munches and meet and greets we go to meet our Domniants. Then, we need to weed out the idiots, the fakes and the “gee this sounds like a good way to get laid and beat up a woman” types.

So we need to build up an arsenal of weapons to separate the real Dominants from the idiots, and talk to them, ask them questions-lots of questions. PAY Attention! If you meet them either online or in person, and they demand you to call them anything but their names? RUN! Just think idiot. If they demand you sleep with them or your not a submissive? RUN! Think idiot. If they tell you real submissives do not have limits or safewords? RUN! Think idiot.

So how do you know what you truly want and need as a submissive? Only you can decide that. Make a list of things that are imperative for you. Not all the things you may “want” but a list of things you need. Desperately need to be fulfilled, then think of who you have met. Take your time. We are in the minority. There are many more Dominants males then submissive females. (Now many are the idiots, but the numbers are the same) Take your time. Keep looking until you find one worthy of your submission. It will be worth the wait. But keep one thing in mind. The word Dominant should be synonymous with the word Leader. If a Dominant doesn’t appear to be a leader, run. He’s not a Dominant. Dominants are always leaders.

I waited a lifetime to meet my Daddy. I can’t tell you how wonderful he is to both of us. He is my rock, my hero, my leader. We are different sides of the same coin- heads and tails of each other. I am lost without his guidance. He is a wonderful leader to his girls.

I feel very special to have found such a wonderful man to lead me. I know that it’s not easy to find such a diamond. His honesty and loyalty to his girls is remarkable and more than appreciated. He has our backs and we will always have his.

I love you with all my heart and soul Daddy,

Sugar

 

Aging Babygirls 

I wrote an article for Kayla Lords’ blog called “Thoughts of an Aging Submissive Babygirl.” I think you may enjoy it. And it’s truly a blog about how I feel about getting older. If you can check it out. Her blog is amazing and her writing is also. 

Here is the link: Thoughts of an Aging Submissive Babygirl

Please check out her other site at Loving BDSM, as well. She has a great deal of information there for everyone. 

Love you,

Sugar

Flashback Friday- Real Intimacy- (originally posted April 21, 2016)

Screen Shot 2017-10-06 at 9.40.27 PM.pngI want to first state I am not as good a writer as Sugar, but I am however, going to share some thoughts on intimacy within our Sub/Dom world. I have discussed our triad with many people usually on SLS or some other BDSM or swinger medium.  The conversation always drifts, or sometimes rushes toward the topic of sex.  There is a misconnection on many fronts in regard to sex within our triad group.  I really do not have sex with my girls, of course we have sexual relations, but to name it as sex is really an injustice. The spankings the BDSM the intercourse, is not sex for us it’s intimacy.  There is no greater intimacy between any human then touching, caressing and holding.  We have worked hard to touch each other both in mind heart and deed. The world invades our personal space on a daily basis so its nice to lock it out and just enjoy what each other has to give. I have watched from my corner eye the quiet interaction between the girls when I am focused solely on one of them. Kitty will smile as I am inside Sugar and will caress my hand or hair. She will sit close and enjoy watching our love manifested out to please each other.  Sugar smiles as I am with Kitty and may sit and watch or hold her hand.  The real strength of intimacy between us is the lack of jealousy. There simply is none, they understand that each has something special and distinct to offer me and to each other. There not even any rules, I am allowed to do what I want with them.  I will leave that for a different post, but to suffice to say that’s the real goal of a Dom/sub is to interconnect. True intimacy is not the sexual relations, it is the words that are spoken when nothing is spoken at all.

I have been told we are sick, its a fantasy, and it’s not normal.  I smile, grin inside and agree with it all.

Daddy

How to Feed Your Submissive 

Submissives are different in a lot of ways from “regular” people. We tend to like pleasing much more than the average person. We have internal voices that make us need to please. We thrive on pleasing. We are often low maintenance creatures. We can most things for ourselves. We can be extremely needy for attention and guidance, but from my personal point of view, if we know that displeases our dominant, we even try hard to not be so needy. We always do need guidance. It’s built in our DNA.

Now when I talk about submissive needs, I’m talking about a D/s relationship, not a BDSM one only. That is quite obviously easy to fulfill. It’s based on impact/sexual/kinky play. It’s a real thing and it’s much easier to fulfill. A good BDSM session is whatever the Dom and sub have negotiated, along with good solid aftercare. That will feed them adequately. The real question is how to feed your D/s relationship where BDSM is not the main focus of your relationship. That takes much more work and much more ingenuity.

To feed most submissive needs, we go back to the basics. Time and Attention (T&A- and you thought T&A stood for something else! ) and guidance. They need to be given the opportunity to help you in some meaningful way. I once heard of a Dominant who gave his submissive math problems to do. Duh! That wouldn’t do a thing for me. I would simply rebel and need a reason to do that. I’d google every answer or just not do it. Not being bratty but I need a reason to complete a task. I definitely wouldn’t think of it as anything but punishment. If I were being a good submissive why would you punish me like that? Luckily, my Daddy wouldn’t ever do that to me. He doesn’t use his power to give me ridiculous tasks. He asks me if he gives me enough tasks, my answer always gives me something you need me to do. I would be adamant about not doing dumb things. (My inner 12 yo would simply fold her arms and say no, I was a good girl don’t punish me for being good, which at that point I’d get punished for being a brat. It would be a terrible vicious cycle we would both tire of quickly.)

I guess it goes back to my older post of needing CRACK. Caring, respect, affection/attention, compassion, and kindness. Those are the things I need to both give and receive. I need to feel like I have a purpose, and I don’t believe I’m truly that different than most D/s lifestyle submissives. I need to feel you desire me, in all ways. That I have a place in your life. That your life would somehow be not a fulfilled if I wasn’t with you. That you love me and I’m important enough to you to feed me. I’m rather laid back and spend some time with me, I’m good. If I can’t see you in person, talk to me on the phone, if you can’t talk, shoot me a text. It’s about knowing I’m thought about. It’s about being in your heart.

I am not that needy that I need constant attention, yet I do need some. I get all that I need from Daddy. He’s very good at giving me what I need. He thinks about me a great deal and shows me that he does by small things he does. An example is he knows I eat protein bars for breakfast a lot. He bought me a box and gave them to me. A little thing but meant the world to me. He thought about me. I try hard to do the same for him. I am always at a loss for words when he does things like that. I’m not used to being fed and not in the physical sense.

Feeding a submissive takes thought and it takes time. We are all unique. What feeds me, may not feed someone else. This is where we are much like our Dominants. We are all unique. (This is why you can’t be lazy and have someone else train your submissive!) You need to know what we need. We often want a lot! What we need is something totally different. (That will be another blog entry!)

So Dominants, don’t forget to properly feed your submissive. Know what their needs are, don’t forget their wants but always feed their needs. You have taken on a tremendous responsibility. It’s not as easy as it sounds. You have to be responsible and be able to give her the T&A she craves and needs or she will wither and die like a plant or animal you forget to feed and water.

I am one of the lucky ones that have someone who feeds me regularly and shows me T&A and guidance. He allows me to show him my love by giving me jobs when he needs something done. He brings me treats/gifts to show me he has paid attention to what I enjoy.

I love you, Daddy and I can’t think of a better Daddy for me. You have my heart and take care of me quite well.

Kisses and hugs,

Love always and forever,

Sugar

P.S.- How do you like to be fed? How do you feed your submissive?

The Dominant and Submissive Myth

You are with your Dom, you’re in fetish wear, a beautiful black leather corset with fishnets and 5” heels. There are whips and restraints all around. You are kneeling in a pose of his choice. You are his submissive woman to do anything that he desires. You are at his mercy. You can do nothing without his approval and command.

STOP! That isn’t real life! That is some silly notion people have conjured up in their minds. The reality is that being in a D/s relationship is extremely different than what people think. We are real people. We take showers. We go to work. We have kids. We have laughter. We are like most people actually. And yes, there are times we have kinky sex. And yes, it’s hot kinky sex. Truthfully, it’s not half as much as you would think and only 1/4 as much as we would like. Is it fun to dress up and be sexy? Of course, it is. It’s wonderfully erotic when we can do it. It isn’t however, the main crux of our relationship. It’s not even the one of the important things really.

Our relationship is based on mutual trust, on honesty, on caring for (wait for it) each other. Not the submissive always caring for her dominant only. Not the dominant dictating what the submissive is to do for him. Yes, I do try to make my Daddy happy. I do that in a variety of ways. I wear cute clothes I believe he would like, I make him a silly card, I write articles for him to read, I cook him dinner when possible or breakfast, I buy him something I know he would like. I try to make sure he has proper clothing for the weather when he travels. I do lots of small things. A joke to make him smile to cheer him up if he’s had a rough day. I rub his hands if I’m with him. I try to make him feel like he’s the most important thing in my life. He may know he is numero uno, but to feel it is entirely different. He, of course, does the same for me. It isn’t all about me or him or Kitty. It’s about us.

Notice anything? I have not mentioned one thing about sex. None of those ways are about sex. Why? Because our kinky lovemaking is about pleasure to all of us. It’s not only pleasing me or him or Kitty, it’s pleasure for us all. Yes, we all benefit by it. It’s fun! It’s exciting. It’s not why we are here. Daddy happens to be handsome. He could have sex with many, many women. They actually ask him, (they aren’t always submissive.) He may be one of the most hit on men I have ever known personally. He laughs. It’s good for the ego, but it’s not as good for the soul. (He may not agree with me on that-grin)

This relationship is a family. We are a different family, one who has our ups and downs  I know it’s not always easy or accepted. It’s okay. I don’t need anyone’s acceptance but Daddy’s and Kitty’s. I don’t expect everyone to understand it. We truly love each other.

I would personally be lost without my Daddy. He carries my heart in his pocket-Always. I am his. I am his possession. He loves me dearly. And I adore him as well. We may not always be together but we are there for each other- not sometimes, not usually- Always. My Daddy is my very best friend. He’s my protector, the love of my life, my true soulmate, and yes, my lover. Notice that came last.

So when people think about kinky sex, and a BDSM lifestyle? Eh, I am not impressed much. Show me a Dominant/submissive lifestyle, that has some age to it? That garners my attention. We are moving on past our 3rd anniversary. We are still learning and growing. We still are here for each other. More so now than even a year ago. We are good for our souls. We matter deeply to each other. Our hearts are entwined.

I love you, Daddy. That grows daily and exponentially. You are the light of my life. You make each day special. I simply am yours.

Love, always and forever,

Sugar

Throwback Thursday- Polka Dots and Sparkles (original post- June 25, 2016)

Screen Shot 2017-09-27 at 11.39.16 PM

This article is going to be a toughie. I have been rolling this subject around in my mind for at least a few months and putting thoughts to words might be a little hairy lol. I wanted to chat about little’s from a male perspective and also with a Dom twist.

The little idea of a little can be freaky, scary, fun and annoying. Let us face it, who really wants to have sex with a child. I think they call it a little because a child is so weird. They really are little, it’s not a game, a fun little scene or a fantasy. They are the age they portray. If a little is 6 or 12, they really are that age.

I have watched my little 60-year-old act and portray a real 12-year-old. I have been involved with temper tantrums and tears. I have had to pick her up from the floor a few times, heck I even named the little stinker. When we are intimate she does so as a young person, sometimes. I have to double check myself to realize who I am dealing with. Then there is the fun, I love taking care of my little one. I really enjoy buying her things or taking her on a joy ride at the carnival. There is nothing more fun, there is nothing more exciting than watching my Sophie smile, giggle and be 12.

Now to the not so fun stuff, life is hard with a little. They cry a lot and I mean a lot. I have heard of some little’s crying every day, all day. I think it is age-dependent, the younger a little, the more they cry. We discussed they actually are the age they portray. Well, that goes for the emotional part of the dynamic as well. If you have children you may, or may not remember. They wake up scared, they cry for no reason and they demand constant attention. The not so easy part is not at the beginning, it’s toward the middle. The beginning it’s cute a new Sippy cup for the younger ones, a hug and squeeze and all is well. A word from daddy that all is well usually quiets the chaos.

The issue is we became like a pencil. We are sharp in the early stages. We react with a quick word, we console and reassure. We tell them, daddy will never leave them. The big issue comes when the pencil gets dull. I have told her I won’t leave, why does she keep asking me the same things. I have told her I love her, why does she keep asking me the same thing. I have reassured her 4 times today, why does she keep asking me the same thing. Why is she texting me 10000 times a day asking me the same things? We get tired, we get dull, we may even get annoyed. The pressure keeps coming from the little. As we back off they come harder. The little gets confused and scared, they try harder they ask more questions. The may even beg or plead, they really do cry more and get confused. We back off further and the pencil breaks.

I really don’t have the answer to the problem in general, as each “little” is different. I can say that for me and my little, the answer is communication. I have seen once the communication stops there are major problems ahead. I speak directly to my little and then talk to the women. I ask for space and reassure her I won’t leave her. Talk to your little have a resolution process for the times you are overwhelmed. I would say most of all love your little. There can be no polka dots and glitter unless you communicate. I would also recommend a long hard think before you take one as yours. They are fun to love, they are wickedly addictive. They love with everything, then they give a bit more if you want to really play, you will have to love and nurture. After all, you are their daddy.

I love you, Sophie,

Daddy

Is Submission a Gift? (Or Is It Who We Are?)

I have thought long and hard about answering this question. Is my submission to daddy a gift to him or is it who I am? I would have to say in my own personal experience, it’s who I am. My submissive nature is here, regardless if I have a daddy or if I have my daddy or if I have no daddy. I am always trying to make people happy; at work, at home, my friends, my family, my sister, Kitty and most of all my daddy. So for me personally, I have to say, it is simply who I am, but it is something that pleases my Daddy as well. I am his submissive and I am his submissive because I am Submissive. So for me, it’s just who I am, but it makes me a good fit for Daddy. It allows me to serve him, feel fulfilled and please him.

I know it’s not that way for everyone. So I think it’s definitely a personal thing. I believe some submissives are not just interested in pleasing everyone, (which is impossible, anyway and not something I recommend for anyone to try!)  Now, that being said I do believe that the levels of submission are also different for everyone.  I am sure that each and every submissive is different. We have certain similarities, or desires, but the intensity of our submission maybe different. Everyone has differnt limits and different ideas about what submission is. I look at submission as something I do for me, as much as for my Daddy. I don’t feel complete if I am not serving some need of Daddys. I feel lost if he is not happy and I am not pleasing him in some way. My way of serving is what he desires, so my submission is truly for Daddy and for his pleasure.

That being said, my submission is not your submission. Your dominant or potential dominant may not agree with my form of serving. He may desire something I cannot possibly give him. We all have to find our perfect match. I once heard there is a “lid for every pot.” I believe if you look hard enough you will find your perfect match. It may take time. Most of all it will take you understanding yourself and how you desire to serve. Before you even look for a submissive or a dominant, you have to know how you desire to serve them or have them serve you. You have to know who you are first.

Kitty and I, both serve Daddy. We are quite different in our submissive ways. It doesn’t mean I am right and she is wrong or she is right and I am wrong. What is important is we both meet Daddy’s needs. And we meet those needs as best we can. So when we don’t do that to the best of our own unique abilities, we feel like we have let him down. That is when I am at my worst; when I have let Daddy down in any way. I simply feel out of sync with the world and most of all within myself.

So when you are wondering if it is a gift to submit, I believe it depends on you. Daddy may see my submission as a gift to him, but indintbthink if it as a true gift from me. It is simply who I am. It is a gift of the universe or heaven’s above that we happen to match each other’s Dominant and submissive needs. I am his submissive and he is my Daddy Dom. So Daddy gives me the gift of his dominance and I respond with my submission. He is my ying. I am his yang.Screen Shot 2017-09-26 at 10.18.42 PM One is not truly complete without the other. It is our special bond and it’s obvious to anyone who knows us. It’s our very special, very unusual relationship.

I love you, Daddy, I love our special bond. It’s my privilege to be able to serve the one man I think is worthy of my submission. I can’t think of a better man or one who deserves to be loved as much as my Daddy. And I do love you with all my heart.

I Love you, always and forever,

Sugar