My Submissive, My Protector

I often have been asked what my submissive gives to me. This is more with regards to sexual favors than anything that is tangible. I know this because of the follow up questions that come running behind. “Does she do this or that? Is it true you can do anything, at anytime?” I can only roll my eyes because in truth the true measure of my submissive, is surely not in the bedroom. No indeed, her true strength has changed and manifested itself into something I never saw coming. When we first started on our journey the prototypical partnership between a new sub and her Dom was very evident. The sexual freedoms and the dropped mores were really in full bloom. I suppose quite similar to a new wedded couple in their first year of discovery. The years have past and her true value has now started to shine through. The battle she is strongest in is not the giving of her body. Indeed my darling submissive over and over has given away body to me, up to and beyond her obedience. The true measure of her value has been her fight with the crazy ass stunts that I pull and crazy decisions have been too numerous to measure. This beautiful caring butterfly, has shown the courage of a dragon and gentleness of butterfly wings in motion. Her constant battle for my safety and mental security, has been unceasing. When I am struggling and yes we do struggle (shocker), she is there. When I need a strong hand on my forehead she is ready. When I need a gentle hand close to me, it wisps past close to as gently as a summer breeze. This majestic beauty not only lends me all that I need, she also gives me more then I could have hoped. I often wonder if the true measure of a submissive is not what is given in the light of day. Indeed no, but rather what is done in the darkness of life, when no one is watching. Thank you my dear submissive, Daddy is proud and grateful.


Happy Birthday, Daddy!

This year you will get 55 reasons why I love you!

  • 55. You’re adorable
  • 54. You are as silly as I am.
  • 53. You are kind.
  • 52. You growl, really cute!
  • 51. I can be mad at you and holler and you fight back laughter.
  • 50. You always have time for me when I need you.
  • 49. You have patience like no one I know.
  • 48. You’re as stubborn as a mule.
  • 47. You love animals as much as I do.
  • 46. You’re a great big teddy bear!
  • 45. You’re a wonderful, sexy kisser.
  • 44. You allow me to be me.
  • 43. You bring me special treats.
  • 42. You love gummy bears as much as I do.
  • 41. You have awesome muscles.
  • 40. You have a strong moral fiber.
  • 39. You work hard, play hard.
  • 38. You protect me, sometimes from myself.
  • 37. You could melt me with a glance.
  • 36. Speaking of eyes, yours are spectacular, they twinkle.
  • 35. You enjoy your sexy time with me.
  • 34. You know how to shut me up when I can’t seem to do that.
  • 33. You are so handsome and adorable. Adorable needed to be said twice I’m afraid.
  • 32. You don’t lie to me.
  • 31. You LOVE my little self and don’t get mad at her much.
  • 30. You don’t mind my age.
  • 29. You laugh at my silly jokes and sayings.
  • 28. I never know what car you will be driving, it’s like a surprise each time.
  • 27. When we are with others, you look at me like I am the most important person in your life.
  • 26. You are my best friend.
  • 25. I can tell you anything.
  • 24. You allow me to see your softest side.
  • 23. You let me see your fears.
  • 22. You allow me to know what you’re special kinks are.
  • 21. You always notice my strengths.
  • 20. You never seem to notice my weaknesses.
  • 19. You hug me like I am the best thing since gummy bears!
  • 18. You will never let me carry anything heavy.
  • 17. You went to see Celine Dion and didn’t complain.
  • 16. You laughed when I woke you up at 3 am drunk.
  • 15. You’re my calm in the storm.
  • 14. You don’t laugh at me when I’m furious at someone or you, yet you want to.
  • 13. You say goodnight to me every night, even when you’re exhausted or busy.
  • 12. You worry about me getting home.
  • 11. You are so adorable (that word again) when you’re grumpy.
  • 10. You warn me you’re in a bad mood!
  • 9. You never take your bad mood out on me.
  • 8. You tell me why you love me.
  • 7. You’re kind to the all of the underdogs.
  • 6. You are always interested in my life, my family and my job.
  • 5. You make everyone laugh who meets you.
  • 4. You are the funniest man I ever met.
  • 3. You tease me constantly and it’s always funny.
  • 2. You are an amazing father; patient, kind, and respectful.
  • 1. You are my daddy and you never let me forget it. You make me know who’s in charge and that you value my submission and friendship and love. Nothing better.


I love you deeply and completely,


Merry Christmas, Daddy!

This Christmas I would like to give daddy a glimpse into what I see and feel from him. This is one of my gifts to him.

What Daddy Means to Me

When you look at Daddy, you see a tall, handsome, man with twinkling eyes and a boyish grin. There is a vulnerability about him, yet also a strength that is unfounded. He is strong, and sexy. His hazel green eyes smile as brightly as his grin. He is someone to count on, someone who will hold you up when you think you can’t stand on your own two feet. He is that man. The one you can depend upon always, for anything, at any time.

The reality is he is the most sensitive, caring, kind man. He hurts as deeply as anyone I have met, yet his sheer positivity is a testament to his character. Examples of that character have been talked about before on this blog, One recent example is when we went to breakfast one day, one of the waitresses was explaining how her electric has been shut off, and it was Christmas and she had five kids. Daddy was out of work himself and knew how hard it is to run a house without enough money. He was getting by but struggling. He took out a $20.00 bill and gave it to her and said Merry Christmas. I teared up, so proud of the man I call Daddy. He said to me that 20 won’t do much for her, but maybe buy dinner for her kids. Then he looked at me and said “It won’t hurt me that much, won’t change my life.” I was so honored to not only know this man but to call myself, “his.”

He’s not had an easy life. He had horrible things happen to him. He’s had unconscionable things happen to him. I won’t talk about them. He doesn’t dwell on them. I don’t either, but we both know they are there. If I tell him how proud I am of him, or express exactly how much I admire him, he reprimands me. “I am not worthy of that much admiration, baby girl.” I smile and say ” But you are to me, daddy.” He lets out a tiny sigh, and give me a kiss or a hug. He doesn’t believe it himself. It’s the one thing I have tried to do in the last 4 and a half years, to help this kind, loving man see his own worth. One day I will succeed. One day. I know I can do it. (I am just as stubborn as he is. I won’t give up.)

He is a Daddy Dom, for sure. And often a tad sadistic, but never abusive. He tells me he can be mean. I suppose everyone can if provoked. I have never seen his mean streak. I also never go out of my way to provoke him either. My Daddy is a tower of strength, love, humility, and humor. I can’t ever say enough good about him. As the cliché goes, he’s not a perfect man, but he is surely perfect for me. We are so close, laugh so hard. He brings out my 12-year-old self often. He adores that part of me that is so hidden from others so much. And I adore him.

So this Christmas, I am happily saying “Here’s to one more year Daddy, one more wonderful Christmas. One more, year we not only survived, but grew stronger. You have had a very challenging year. One filled with disappointments, let downs and sadness, and you survived! We grew stronger together. We are closer than ever. And we still laugh hard at things. So let’s look to 2019 as a better year, a more productive year, and one that will sparkle and shine like the twinkle in your eyes. “

I love you dearly, Daddy. Merry, Merry Christmas,

Yours, always and forever,


(P.S. Happy Birthday, Jesus! Thank you for bringing me, Daddy.)

How Does Vanilla Fit This Submissive?

***** This is NOT written about my Dominant. It is written about other men in my life*****

How can a vanilla man affect a submissive? I will only talk about this from my own perspective. I Obviously, I can’t speak for every submissive. We are as different as songs, some do quite well in being in dominant roles, others are not so lucky. Others still, like myself resort to a more maternal dominant type role. It’s quite easy for me to lead as long as I am doing it from a nurturing aspect. What I have found, is there are many men who think they are dominant. It doesn’t necessarily mean they are dominants. They give orders easily. They may be kind or even polite in their execution, but they are not dominants. They can be domineering. They can be assholes or perfect gentlemen. Doesn’t make it easy for a submissive to deal with them.

I don’t make decisions well. Ask me what I want to eat? I simply don’t know. I am easy going they say, I am unable to make decisions they say. I refer to them. “What do you want to eat?” You decide. What I’ve experienced is a slow but, steady expectation that they get to choose and do everthing. On top of that, they thought they should be right all of the time. ALL of THE TIME. I started to see them melting down like boys when they didn’t get their way. I now realize most of their bad behavior, I had a hand in. I didn’t have the boundaries that I so needed. I did not understand that they did not have my needs or my best interest at the core of the relationship. They had their best interests at their core, that along with some narcissistic disorders makes for a very rocky and dysfunctional relationship.

I do well with dominants. They take the time to understand that I like to please them. I like for them to make decisions, like dinner, but they are kind enough to make sure I get what I like as well. I am, of course, simplifying the situations but you get the idea. My need to please everyone makes me a target for abusive men with issues. I am an easy target. I realized this late in life. So, if you are a natural submissive, who has tried all her life to be the pleaser, beware. You are a target, for men who are prey on your submissive nature. As I have said, this is a huge generalization of submissives and dominants. And I won’t go into the fake doms who are the domineering assholes I have discussed in other blog posts.

If there is a real point, to this post, it’s to beware. Understand that all that glitters is not gold, and bad people will take advantage of your submissiveness. Vet your prospects whether your new love interest is a professed dominant or a vanilla man. Make sure they take your needs into consideration, and they will soon find out you’ll take theirs into your heart. You will make them very happy and they will make you happy. This is the circle of the Yin/Yang. 

I, personally, have found I’m not happy with vanilla men. I don’t get what I need. I don’t get what I want. I can not allow my submissive nature surface safely. I am forced to hold it down deep inside. Thank goodness, I don’t have to do that anymore. I love my daddy. I adore being with him.  It’s comfortable and it’s natural.

Thank you, Daddy, for allowing me to be exactly who I am and allowing me to unfold everything I feel. I don’t know how I could love anyone else with so much depth. it is because of my ability to trust you, that I can do that. I have seen some rough times, and I have a hard time trusting anyone. I am yours now and I can trust you won’t try to harm me in any way.

I love you deeply and always.



To Be Thankful

1FB31A8B-6428-4E40-AB01-CF9990C4BE8A.jpegAs a Submissive, I am naturally programmed, I believe,to be grateful. I tend to not take much for granted. Nothing in my life I take for granted.- my girlfriends, my family, my job, my working body, my less than beautiful legs that work so well, but most of all my very special Daddy. Each day, I strive to be grateful.

That being said, I have my moments of a very special pity party, of course. I’m not perfect. I surely don’t look perfect. And truthfully, there are parts of my body I abhor. I think what if my arms looked better or my legs. Maybe, I’d look so much better. I stop when I see someone who can’t walk or has some abnormalities. I get angry at myself. I have cried because I am so grateful I am healthy, I’m strong. And yes I have real flaws. Oh well! I get over my insecurities when I realize, there is no one in my life who wants me because I have don’t nice arms and legs. There is no one who loves my heart for any other reason but I am who I am. I feel even more foolish. I am so thankful for what I have and who I am.

I have huge trust issues, and abondment issues. Most stem from my being adopted. Let’s just simplify it: “If your own mother can get rid of you, then anyone can.” I am finally, slowly beginning to believe that my daddy won’t ever leave me. We are closer than ever and I know we have a transparent relationship. What does that mean? He doesn’t hide anything from me. I don’t hide anything from him. It works. It makes us both feel secure. I am thankful and eternally grateful. I have waited a lifetime to feel loved for exactly who I am. I will always, always show my gratitude and my love to this man. He has proven to me that I am important enough to put up with my craziness and my insecurities and my persistence. He tolerates, (although does not  necessarily like) my endless analogies, my questions, my whining at times. Even some bratty foot stomping has not droveen him away.

Thank you daddy. You are my sunshine and my stars. Your impish personality has attracted many, but they will never know your deepest side exactly as I do. I am honored and priveledged to know the man without any curtains hiding his true self. I am in awe at your true strength. Simply put, I am yours and I am so thankful. This thanksgiving as in the last four, I’ll be thanking God that you are here traveling this part of our life together.

My love, my gratitude, my heart and my thanks for who you are,


How Does It Feel to be a Dominant and a Submissive Couple When Are Not Physically Together for Way Too Long!

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It feels like you forgot to eat breakfast, you hunger for your food and your stablilty. It feels like you didn’t put your pants on, you feel oddly unprotected and exposed. It feels like you have your shoes on backwards, like you’re walking in circles, wonderging why you are so confused.  It feels like you want to run away, and don’t really know why. It feels like you need to breathe, and you can’t quite catch your breath. It feels like you need a hug all the time. It feels like you want to kneel, just to get things straightened out calmly in your brain. It feels like you could cry at any moment, but you don’t exactly know why. If feels like you’re not worthy of that wonderful man, even when he reassures you, you are.  It feels downright fucking crappy, horrible and shitty.

Period, The End.


Submissive or Slave?

06FB76C3-0797-4701-8FDA-55B6F633D94E.jpegI suppose it should start out with my own personal definitions of a submissive or a slave.  In my mind a submissive is someone who goes over and above to give up her power in a relationship. She submits herself to the will of her dominant. She has built the trust of her dominant so that she knows that he has her best interest at heart. It sounds so very easy, but it’s very hard. Harder than anything I’ve done on earth. But more rewarding as well.

A slave has no will, no power at all. She submits all of her power and desires to her dominant. She loses the “right” to disagree and to make any decisions. Sometimes I feel like a slave, sometimes I feel like a submissive. I always feel owned. I know that Daddy has my best interest at heart. I know he doesn’t want anything bad to happen to me. That he doesn’t ever want me damaged, physically, emotionally or mentally from his actions. I know that, feel that and understand that, regardless of what he is doing or saying

Today I was confused. Without saying exactly what I was confused about, let’s say it was a sexual act that we both agreed was dangerous and not wanted by either of us. Well today Daddy asked me if I would do that. I said no but I was confused. Part of me wanted to say “but daddy we talked about this. You said no, I said no.” But it wasn’t about what he was asking- it was about trust. He looked at me sternly and say “You are not to say no to me again. Do you understand?” I must have looked confused and I said,” Yes Daddy. I understand.” I didn’t argue. He said “All this time you don’t trust me?” I said I did. And we talked about it. Sophie, my little, was thinking, “Daddy you’re silly, you can’t and won’t do that lol” And I learned a valuable lesson today. Do not say No to daddy. I am his. He makes those decisions and that is fine. The issue was he would never have done what he asked of me. Never. So I know and trust that he always has my best interest at heart so I do not need to say no to something I know will harm me. It won’t happen.

Today, I have never felt more like Daddy’s slave. I have never realized how much power I have given to him and the ability to say no was the last thing left. I am sure my own free will one day will come rearing her head now and again. But for today I am yours submissive with a slave heart and I will not be saying No to you.

I am giving up my submission and my free will. I know I’m in great hands. I have never felt so secure about any decision.

I love you and admire all that you are. I am yours. And I am owned and I have given you all of me.

Kiss and hugs, with love and devotion,



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Sometimes my expectations are too high. Now I’m not saying I’m wrong but I place the same standards on people I try to live by. I don’t lie to those closest to me. I always keep their best interest at heart. I make sure I think about what I say or do before I do it. I look down the road to see what ramifications my actions may have. I don’t do things that I wouldn’t want someone to do to me. I think my standards are too high. I get hurt so easily. I expect people to say what they mean and do what they say. I expect them to think about what they say to me is truthful and honest. I want them to respect me, and my feelings. I always do that for them.

Just a short rant. I am hurting. Sometimes it’s all I can do to not cry today.

I will be fine. Just having a bad time with my feelings.


Ghosting, Catfishing and Some Remedies!

In this odd world of online meetings, getting to know someone can be difficult. They are only real to me if I see thing, meet them or know someone who knows them. People online lie. I don’t always understand it. My adage is “Say what you mean, mean what you say.” It can be scary and unsettling to someone who trusts so deeply, as myself.

I was catfished about 8 years ago by a lovely man I actually had a relationship with. Now how could I say he was lovely. Well, aside from the lying about his name and career and how many women he had, we had a odd close relationship. I met him monthly or so for some play time and he was a caring and kind man. I spoke to him nightly. Just about every night. He was attentive and loving. Problem was he was also attentive and loving to a WHOLE LOT of women, which would have been okay if I had known. How did I find this out? Long, very sad story, in which I happened to know his password to his email and I had a very intuitive suspicion he died. I hunted the obituaries and found his real name and picture. So to be a good little submissive, I went into his email and found all of the women clammering to speak to “him.” I immediately told them the situation, and was welcomed by some, and others said I was him and lying to get rid of them. I showed them the obituary and they still didn’t believe me. Mind boggling. I was his good girl until the end. I was loyal, even through my broken heart. I snapped out of my severe sadness rather quickly and then simply felt foolish. How could I have let all of the red flags go. How could I have just blindly trusted this man without knowing anything about him but his touch?

Deep sigh, I was a victim of his catfishing and also of being foolish. I knew in my heart he wasn’t who he said he was. I knew he was lying. I am a kind and trusting soul. I love hard and deep and that wasn’t the first time I was duped. It left me clammering for some sanity. I stayed away from online dominants for months. I became a hermit. I needed to reevaluate my need for BDSM and its lure to me.

In time I got over the shock and peeked out from under my shell. I reconnected with a Dominant I had known who was famous for ghosting me. Now you see them, not you don’t. But he swore to me he could never do that again. He lied. So I won’t go into that story, it’s so lame of me to trust again. It was at that time that I met my Daddy. I said to myself, “It’s just for fun, he will break your heart like all the rest so just have fun. Light and fluffy fun. Don’t you dare fall in love with that man, girl! Don’t get bogged down by him. You can’t be loved the way you need to be.” I blamed me.-for it all. I blamed me. My stupidity, my eagerness, my down right trusting immaturity, my own lack of seeing those huge, giant, red flags. Stupid old me.

Well, I did fall in love, but I was cautious this time. I got to know him and showed him me slowly. And although I knew the moment I met him I was in trouble, I knew I would love him one day, I took it slowly. I became friends, I had fun, I went to lunch, I met for a few hours without any kinky playtime. I got to know him, and better still he got to know me. He got to know who I was for real. It took time. It took trust, it took some arguing and some speaking up about things he didn’t like and I didn’t like. We actually got to know each other! Like real, human beings! How novel an idea!

So when online, do yourself a favor. People aren’t real until you meet them, and even then, find out all you can about them. Search their name on the web, see if they are who they say they are, see if you can see them in the work place for lunch. Are they who they say they are? Or are they simply a figment of their own imagination.

Beware, but don’t become callous, don’t become hardened, don’t become angry and bitter. Life is too short and sometimes, you need to open your heart one more time. One more time, with your eyes wide open and walking ahead slowly.

I am honored to be Daddy’s submissive and best friend and lover. It’s a priviledge and a joy in my heart.

Thank you Daddy, for seeing inside of me and knowing that I am exactly who I say I am! I know you are exactly who you say you are as well.

Kiss and hugs,


A Daddy is a Daddy Forever

I have read a lot of things about Daddy Doms. I have read about what they are like, what they expect of their babygirls, some of the characterizations of a daddy. I have written about my relationship with my daddy. He has written about some of the trials and tribulations of having a little as a submissive. I have read all about Daddies and what I read tonight said it best. It was amazing to realize it. And I could not have said it better. Paraphrasing now: A Dominant is as long as a Dominant is wanted. A Master is as long as a Master while Mastery is wanted. But a Daddy is a Daddy to his baby girl forever. You do not ever enter a Daddy/babygirl relationship lightly. It’s not something you do on a whim. If you are a Daddy or a babygirl, choose wisely. Make your choices seriously. I know it’s a lot of fun and games in the beginning, but as Daddy has written, it’s like a pencil, sometimes it gets dull and annoying.

My Daddy named my little. She’s his. One hundred percent his. He identified her age, He did not however make her that age. He didn’t change her in anyway. He identified her. He made her real. Much like the Velveteen Rabbit. She became real from being loved and known, I have other sides to me besides my little. I am a mommy and a vanilla grow ass adult. I work, have kids, I function as a normal woman. I have a master’s degree, I’m not mentally ill. I have a masochistic side and a need to be cuddled as well. I have had issues, I probably always will, but the fact remains I am not unlike many people on this earth with a little inside of them who just don’t have them identified! We all know that person who sometimes is like a 16 year old. Maybe, they just have a little inside of them. Maybe they haven’t truly grown up. I don’t know, but I know that if you find yourself with a little, it’s very difficult  to let them go.

A Little is a little forever, but not all the time. Translation, she is not always her little self. She can have many roles in her life. She is many things to many people but to her, her Daddy is her Daddy forever.

Daddy always tells me that, but until I read it, it didn’t truly make any sense. Now I see so clearly what he meant.

So if you are a Daddy or a Mommy Dom/me, choose well but understand, you don’t toss away a baby girl/boy. You keep them and help them and accept them for who they are. Guide them and nurture them . They are yours. Forever and a Day.

Daddy, I am yours, always and forever. I am one of the lucky ones. I have my forever Daddy.

My love and devotion,

Sugar (and Sophie!)