The Abuse of Unconditional Love in a D/s Relationship

Many times the D/s relationships have unique power exchanges. The uniqueness of these power exchanges differs from each Dominant and each submissive. A submissive often has a very loyal and trusting soul. They love to please their dominant. They will do anything to make sure he is happy. That works beautifully when the Dominant is the real deal, trustworthy and honesty. Let us not forget having his submissive’s best interest at heart! That is something I know most Dom/sub relationships strive to achieve.

It is, however, imperative to look out for the signs of an abusive use of power when you’re a submissive. You know when something isn’t right. Deep in your heart. You feel it. Ask yourself these important questions. Would you be upset if a submissive friend told you her Dominant wanted this for her? So think, does whatever your dominant ask of you meet your approval for someone else? This will help clarify if what you’re feeling is justified when you seem confused. Here is an example, if. Daddy and I disagree on something, is it beciawe I want my own way or is not something that makes me feel badly about myself or our relationship? If I can answer that honestly then I know what the issues are and I can address them with daddy. It takes a huge amount of communication and a heap of courage to tackle those difficult topics.

That brings me to rules in general. Each and every relationship has some set of rules. These rules are either vocalized or unvocalized. Some times you can think of those rules as your limits. You don’t want any D/s relationship that has no limits. You have them even if no one has talked about them. This is the yet another way to judge the relationship and your feelings. Is your dominant consciously breaking the rules/limits or are you causing drama to get your own way. You are the person who can decide that. It is your responsibility to determine if you are being Bamboozled or abused. Remember if it feels like abuse or you feel badly, it is abuse.

This also goes for a Dominant! It is not unusual for a Daddy Dominant to be very soft when it comes to his babygirl. Is she taking advantage of his kindness? Is she asking for more than he should be giving? An example of that is money. Is that submissive asking for him to pay for her bills when she is suppose to be living on her own. I’m not talking about buying her a gift or helping her out in an emergency. I’m talking about taking advantage of his kindness. Maybe he has children and alimony and/ or child support. Maybe he can’t afford to pay her electric bill each month. That is an abuse of her power. She needs to be an adult and do the adult thing. It is the abuse that is despicable.

My daddy could probably take advantage of me without a problem. I could also do the same to him. It would be easy for both of us as much as we love each other, unconditionally and without the fear of abuse of power. Yet, we could no more do that than we could cause each other emotional pain on purpose. It would eventually break the trust we have in each other and cause a demise of our relationship. Yes, we could take advantage of each other. But where would that get us? We would be no better than a slimy con artist that is out for their own self concern. We definitely wouldn’t be emulating a healthy relationship of any kind and it wouldn’t last very long at all.

I am one of the lucky ones. I have found someone who is open, honest and would never abuse the love I so freely give him. I could no more abuse his trust than jump off a bridge. I could not tell him a lie or cause him to wonder if I am loyal. I am his. And he is my Daddy. I know that his unconditional love is a rare gift- our diamond with many facets. Why would either of us try to break that trust and unconditional love? It would be like tossing that diamond in a trash can. I, for one, love sparkly things and boy, do we sparkle!

To make sure you are not being abused or taken advantage of, be aware, communicate well, use your inner voice, don’t be taken by anyone, but when you finally find that special relationship, don’t break it. Savor each moment. Life is short. Love hard, but love well. Love smartly, and give it your all with someone who will give you his all.

I love you, adore you and love your twinkling and our sparkle when we are together. You have my trust, my loyalty and my heart. I have yours as well. We are safe. We are loved- unconditionally.

My heart, always and forever,

Sugar

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Diamond Cut D/s Relationships

Diamonds are multifaceted, sparkly, beautiful, rare stones. A great D/s relationship should be very similar. It should be a hard to break, impossible to disintegrate, difficult to destroy. A Dominant and submissive should be in sync, they need to be on the same page. It should be the most trustworthy relationship which anyone has ever been involved. It should sparkle, shine and be something other could and should emulate in their own way. When I say they should emulate it, I don’t mean a carbon copy, they should look at the values, the essence of the relationship, and see what it is that works for them.

All relationships are different, ours is different than yours, and the next great D/s relationship will be different than either yours or ours. This individuality maintains the uniqueness that makes your foundation so perfect for you and your Dominant or submissive. So what exactly makes these relationships shine? There are several things, the best ones always have many different facets.

One facet is trust, I would say this is what gives it the sparkle, With this trust, you can always rely on the person, whether it is your dominant or submissive, that trust goes both ways.  It is the crux of your relationship. That trust is imperative and necessary to grow and to flourish. When I say trust, it refers to honesty, to openness, to never withholding information or knowledge. Like opening a book the entire contents are there for you to read. A D/s relationship is exactly that open and disclosed. No holds barred and nothing kept back. The best ones are like that. Both Dom and sub know each other’s strengths and weaknesses, and how to support those strengths and weaknesses.

Another is consistency, to be able to rely on your partner to respond to things in a consistent manner maybe one of the most underrated facets of any relationship. To know that if you make mistakes, (and we all will make them!) that nothing will change. That if you are to meet your sub at 2:30, she will be there, if she is to show up wearing that thong you requested, she will arrive in that thong. That when you tell her she is going to dinner on Saturday, you take her to dinner. Consistency breeds trust. And if by chance you make that mistake of forgetting, you apologize and show some real remorse. It’s not perfection we are after, it’s consistency. It’s a very important branch of all relationships.

Chemistry is something you can’t make happen. Two people either have it or they don’t. That is something you can’t predict, you can’t understand or know until you meet with your soon-to-be partner. When you don’t have it, nothing can make it happen, but when you do, it’s magical. Now that being said, you can start out with minimal chemistry, because you haven’t developed a relationship as of yet. I have seen the chemistry grow. Haven’t you ever known someone who is not handsome/beautiful and as you get to know them they grown more handsome/beautiful as time goes on? I think we all have.

All of those facets, get stirred into a pot and what comes out is love. Love is the stone itself and the qualities of the relationship are what give it it’s luster, it’s shine, it’s unique quality. Without the love, I see no sparkle. It’s the love that makes the Dominant and submissive need to follow all of those things, to know that breaking the trust of their partner would destroy the fiber of the relationship is something that would hurt them as much as their partner. That being inconsistent would confuse them as well. Making them second guess themselves. It’s love of their partner that causes them to need to follow the relationship rules, no matter what. If you tear the cloth of your relationship you can mend it but it usually always has the mend showing. Better to not have to mend something that is pristine.

In Daddy’s and my relationship, we have many different roles. He is my Daddy and Dominant, I am his babygirl, his submissive. He is my best friend and I am his as well. He is my buddy, my partner in crime. We are each others confidants. He is my sadist, I am his masochist at times. We have BDSM times and we have times of making love. We enjoy many of the same things, and we teach each other things all the time. We grow, we learn, and we love with each day. And yes, occasionally, though not often, we argue. We disagree. We don’t see eye to eye. It has been a learning process to trust that Daddy will not leave me and I will not leave him. I have learned to stop before I spill venom like a volcano, to ask questions, to try to understand and he has done the same.

Good relationships take work, great ones take passionate work. The results of this work is a beautifully crafted, multifaceted piece of art. Harder than steel, and more beautiful than any great thing of beauty, a diamond relationship is glorious, brilliant and rare.

I am very fortunate to have a special and rare relationship with Daddy, that is built on trust, consistency, and love. He is my Daddy, friend, lover, dominant, confidant and more. I couldn’t think of anyone else in the world I could have this relationship with besides him. It’s never shallow and always filled with sparkle. We shine brightly and if you look closely, you’ll see our many facets. Shine on Daddy. We’ve only begun to find all of the sides to us.

I love you, respect you, and admire you. All the days of my life are yours now,

Sugar

Happy Thanksgiving to All

Enjoy your day with all your friends and family. Life is short party on!!!

Enjoy your day everyone. Give thanks and give a hug to those you love. Happy day to my family, Daddy and Kitty!

I love you, Daddy and Kitty,

Enjoy every moment and I am thankful for you both!

Sugar

How Do You Show Thanks to Your Dominant?

Thanksgiving always conjures thoughts in my brain about what I’m thankful for in my life. This year I am focusing on my Dominant and what he and I do foreach other to show our thanks.

I am probably most thankful for his wisdom. His ability to calm me down and think more clearly. His ability to have me refocus on the important things in my life and ignore those things that simply aren’t worthy of my time. I try hard to do the same for him. My thoughts are not always clear but when they are I return the favor to him by helping him clear his mind when needed.

I look at his love languages and I try hard to give him something off the top two or three things in that list. He needs verbal praise and physical touch. He needs small gifts to show him what he means to me. He needs me to be available to him both mentally and physically and emotionally. That put together with our bond makes for a very happy Dom/ sub relationship. He, of course, tries to do the same for me. We have the bond we do because of the efforts we put into our relationship. It may sound like a lot of work but in essence it’s far from it. It’s joyous to see and feel his happiness and I can see how excited he gets from my happiness as well.

I try hard to thank him for being who he is, as my belief is there is no better compliment that being acknowledged for who you are. What you do is so nice to hear, acknowledging what you say is always sweet, but knowing someone loves you for who you are- that is priceless. I try hard to let him know that it’s who he is that I love. Many women flatter him daily, but rarely do they understand or know him. They like his looks, his accent, his humor but they don’t always see him. That is something I have seen, almost eerily, from the first day we met in person.

I am thankful beyond believe for having this man to guide me, to love me, to have his laughter and joy in my life. I will never stop trying to show him thanks for all that he does for me. He is the kindest, most thoughtful man I know. He is very humble as well so he’d never admit that. I can’t sing his praises enough really. And best of all, he’s my daddy. He has a piece of my heart tucked away in his heart. (And he appreciates it as well.)

Happy Thanksgiving, Daddy. May only good shine on you today and all year through. May sadness and sorrow bypass your heart and joy abound. I love you and I appreciate all that you do. If I can ever do anything to ease your worries or help you, I will be there in a flash. Ready for anything.

My love and devotion, always and forever,

Sugar

The Power of Words

I’m not a huge proponent of mushy words. Yes, I like the occasional compliment like anyone else. Yes, I enjoy the sweet sound of a sincere “I love you, Sugar!” I simply don’t always trust words alone. It’s something I’ve written about and I’ve always said words and actions have to match.

Yesterday, I met Daddy for lunch. We sat and laughed and talked and just enjoyed the hour or so we got to spend together. I hadn’t seen him in awhile and he made a special effort to see me. I truly couldn’t ask for anything better. We left he gave me a huge kiss and a big daddy hug. We went our separate ways. I ran off to work and I realized I forgot to ask daddy about my hair. I’m in the zone to contemplate a new haircut. You know should I let it grow longer, cut it differently, keep it trimmed up? I simply don’t know. So being the good submissive I try so hard to be, I asked him.

“Daddy, I was thinking of letting my hair grow longer but it’s not looking good like I thought longer. What do you think?”

“I’d like you bald.” Laughter “Daddy I want you proud of me” “I am proud of you.” “But daddy I want to look as good as I possibly can. ” “Wonderful, baby” “Thank you daddy.” “You are beautiful to me.” Suddenly, at that moment my eyes started leaking. Not sobbing, not hysterical crying, just my tears dripping down my face. I could tell he was being sincere and it came from down in his heart and suddenly it spoke to my heart. I’m sure he didn’t realize how that would touch me. But it didn’t stop there. “You made me cry daddy.” “You’re beautiful inside and out.” I don’t do well with compliments, so I just said something totally stupid. “I don’t know how else to be.” He laughed. He knew that wasn’t some pompous remark, he knew it was a horribly lame effort to explain how I am inside. I continued to try to explain how I can’t be anything other than who I am. And how I wanted to look better but that would take some “work” meaning plastic surgery and I laughed. I’m sure he shook his head and laughed as well.

The most important thing to know is from 10 miles away, from keyboard to keyboard, when we least expected it, we had a very intimate moment. I knew that even as I aged and he aged, no matter how many hot things shake their tails at him, no matter how many looks he gave said hot tails, he would always see my beauty and I would always see his. We were intertwined and we were connected for life.

It was a moment I won’t forget how I felt. How out of no where I was instantly in happy tears and feeling like I was the most special woman in the world. I couldn’t have asked for a better moment in time.

I simply adore you, Daddy! Thank you for being my Daddy and for seeing beauty in me I often miss. And thank you for being that person who’s words and actions match to make me the happiest woman on earth.

My love and devotion are yours, always and forever,

Sugar

Happy Birthday!!!

Today is Kitty’s birthday and we had a great lunch. Daddy is away for business again, but kitty and I went to lunch and I gave her her birthday gifts from me and Daddy. It was sweet she cried and was so happy.  I can’t be happier for her. So exciting to share holidays with each other. 

Happy Birthday, Kitty. We will be celebrating many more. 

Love and hugs, 

Sugar

And In The End… The Love You Make Is Equal To The Love You Take (Lennon/McCartney)

This is a different post just me looking back on everything that has transpired in the last three and a half years and the future. How will I be remembered? Will I be forgiven for all the mistakes I’ve made. (And trust me I’ve made more than my share.) Will I be an inspiration to anyone at all? Aging tends to bring out the reflective side of people, I think, so many questions. 

When I think of love I think of how much I can give, have given and would love to give. It’s something I always think about. Have I done everything in my power to make Daddy happy. Have I asked him for too much? Have I given him what he needs? Given him what he wants? 

Loving him is quite easy. He’s loving, funny, generous, kind, compassionate, passionate and loyal. He is consistent and always there if I need him. Always looking out for my best interest. So obviously, I appreciate everything he does for me. I think I appreciate how he cares for my little side, maybe the most. He understands her so well. He can bring her out with a word or a smile. It’s pretty amazing. He never loses patience with her and that’s something I can’t tell you how rare that is in my life. So Daddy more than gives me what I need and want and could ever desire. 

What do I hope to bring to him? Kindness, consistency, laughter, a sense of belonging to a family, making his life more- more fulfilled, more filled with love, more happiness, more of whatever he is missing. He is so self-sufficient, but he needs attention. Attention to detail, attention to his softer side, attention to his sadistic side, attention to his gentle side. Yes, my big bad -D type has the most delicious softer side ever, and of course, last but not least, attention to his sexy, steamy side. 

I would always be remiss if I didn’t give him everything he wants and needs. I would say I try hard but alas, it’s not hard at all. It’s who I am. I love making him happy. I thrive on it. It makes me happy, makes me fulfilled. It gives me a purpose in life. It allows me to be exactly who I am. I no long hide this inner child and I can let her grow and love exactly as she is. 

So Daddy anything you want from me is yours. I will always try hard to anticipate your needs and give you anything you want. You have given me all the things necessary to be a strong, loving, successful woman. I wouldn’t dream of giving you less than the sun, the moon and the stars. 

I love you from a place that few have seen- deep down inside my heart and soul. My devotion is eternally yours and I will be here for you always. And in the end the love I give will be equal to the love I have taken or I’ll die trying. Daddy you can die years and years and years from now knowing that in the end the love you made will have been easily as much as you took from me. Your heart is huge and overflowing with love. I’m eternally grateful to you and I am yours. 

Kisses and Hugs, My Dearest Daddy,

Sugar

The Basics of Submission 

When you think you may be a submissive, think hard about whether you’re truly ready to embark on this journey. It is filled with a lot of courage, obedience, patience and proper expectations to make this work for both of you. 

First of all, it takes a lot of courage. You have to have a tremendous amount of courage to give up your fears to your dominant. You are trusting him to know what is best for you. Unfortunately, all Dominants are somehow flawed. No one is perfect, not even my Daddy. As much as I’d love to think he is the perfect man, there really is no such thing. That being said, he needs not be perfect, but he is perfect for me. I have had to learn that he won’t let me truly fall. That my fears are very silly and that I am going to be protected from anything that may come along. He won’t allow me to fall and be hurt. He allows me to have trust in his guidance, and to know I am safe. He also allows me to give up my fears to him. That takes courage on my part. I have to believe and trust he will keep my best interests at heart. That he will help me with any shortcomings I may have and give me motivation to grow and also keep his best interest in my heart. 

You also need obedience. You need to give up your own self will and be able to truly obey. That sounds easy when you are thinking of things like doing some tasks your Dominant asks of you, it’s not so easily accomplished when your Dominant asks you to do something you either find distasteful or something you can’t imagine yourself doing. It’s also not easy when you just don’t feel like doing it. Could be explaining why I’m angry or being told to lose weight or being told I need to look a certain way to please him. It could be to stop complaining, or to give him space. All things that I may not want to do. Yet, my blind obedience is proof that I trust him that whatever he is asking is best for us. 

A submissive must also have a huge amount of patience. It is a huge undertaking to have a Dominant decide to take you on as his submissive. We subbie types are quite a handful. We are needy, impatient, we want all of them and we want it now! We want to be the center of his universe and we want it when we want it. We don’t mean to be this way, we just are. That combined with new submissive frenzy is a recipe for pushing away any perspective Dominant. It takes time and patience to get to know each other. There is no difference between vanilla dating or D/s relationships. It takes time and patience. We can’t jump into 100 feet of water before we learn to swim. Slow down, learn about each other’s wants, needs and expectations. This will assure that  you will build a D/s relationship on a solid foundation. 

Know what your expectations are for this relationship. What is it you expect from your Dominant, what does he expect from you as his submissive. Do you expect him to just be a sexual type Top or do you want him to be your leader, giving you guidance and be there for you whenever and wherever you are. If you are a bedroom only submissive this maybe easier to find, as it’s much easier to accomplish. It doesn’t take the huge amount of time and patience by all parties. It takes trust and takes a lot of communication but those are basics to any relationship.  

In conclusion, you need to COPE. Courage, Obedience, Patience, Expectations.  Along with a huge amount of communication and need I say, love. It’s these things that drive my own submission, I truly am blessed and honored to be able to have a loving and trust-worthy leader.

I love you, Daddy. I think I am the luckiest baby girl on earth. My heart and devotion are yours. 

Big hugs and kisses,

Sugar

Daddy’s Greatest Gift to Me

It was a long shot. Daddy and I were both heading in different directions in the sky. He’s been crazy running around with business, family issues and trips. I haven’t gotten to see him nearly as much as I’d like to, and it has become sad to me. I simply miss him. We talk every day on the phone and through text, but I, being the tactile person I am, need to be touched, kissed, hugged and any other thing you can do to touch me. It had been only a day or so since we all had lunch as a family, but a restaurant is a place you can be only so touchy feeling. 

What we found out was we were going to be in the airport around the same time. He made a very special effort to get here early, but the time was growing shorter and I really was hoping to see him. It was only about 15 minutes till I had to board. I got a phone call “Where are you?” I gave him my location and we saw each other. I ran like a Hollywood 40’s romance movie and he grabbed me and lifted my body in the air. He made it and I felt like a very special girl. I was so excited. He took my hand and walked me back to the gate. He kissed me good bye and he smiled as big as I did. 

What made it so very special was, it didn’t cost a dime. His eyes were twinkling like diamonds. He reached out to me, like I was the most important person in the world. Like I truly mattered (which I know I do.) He made the effort to come and see me. And it was noticeable that I was as important to him as he was to me. We matched. His words and actions matched. He didn’t just say words to me. He showed me. The whole thing may have been 10 minutes but it felt like hours. Why? Because he showed me what his heart was feeling. 

Often we have people whose words and actions don’t always align. Sometimes they mean well, but it is a long road to the true emotions. I mattered, I do matter. I will matter for a long time to come. I am wanted, loved and needed. I am his babygirl, his submissive and I am happy. He is my Daddy. I am taken good care of. And I am his. He means the world to me. 

When he left and I got on my plane, he texted me. “Do you feel loved?” I smiled. I felt loved. And wanted. And I smiled and I knew. I was his. 

Thank you daddy for everything you do. Thank you for being so good at being so good to me. Thank you for everything you do. 

I adore you,

Sugar

Why Would You? 

fullsizeoutput_2daeIf you are a submissive and you know about the BDSM lifestyle, you should understand some basic rules of the lifestyle. The bond with a Dom and his submissive is tight. I could never go to a dominant with a “family” and assume I could ask to be sexually involved with them. It is a bond that is tighter than marriage. Knowing that someone has a submissive family, you should be respectful of them and their place in his life. It is neither becoming nor welcomed by the family to assume you have that right. I, in turn would also not assume, I could just bypass you and go to your boyfriend/Dominant and ask him to have any type of sex with me without speaking to you first and, of course, my Daddy about it first. I would think that people would know the same basic social rules should apply to BDSM families as in vanilla families. Sure, we are poly, but we are also a family!

I don’t know if other people have this issue, but it is annoying. Please use basic social rules of society if you befriend part of our family. Whether it is “hitting” on me or my sister or Daddy, it’s not nice to do when you know we are a family. It is rude and  insensitive. I am a very kind understanding submissive, I am not the truly jealous type. I do watch out for daddy’s well being and his heart. I will never understand women who act like they have a “right” to just assume they can replace us. It’s funny in a lot of ways. Daddy talks and is cordial. He will never be deceitful or lie to me, so ladies what you tell him eventually we know about. We have a no lies, no secrets agreement. We have a tighter bond than anyone can understand or imagine. 

Now I’m sure many of you are thinking, “Her Daddy should address this issue with them.” My daddy is kind and respectful. He is also extremely loyal to me and Kitty. He would never just not tell me about any sexual interlude without running it past me ahead of time. My issues aren’t with his behavior, they are with women’s behavior. They ask him for playtime (very submissive, as well by the way, said being more than a tad sarcastic) and either don’t choose to speak to us or ignore us. I am honored to have a very loyal and honest Daddy, who shows us his love in so many ways, being loyal is simply one of them. 

If you have experienced this, please leave a comment… I am baffled and confused. 

Sorry for the rant. lol I’m done now! It just needed to be said- out loud and for all submissive women to read and understand.   I’m sure we aren’t the only submissives who experience this. I’m sorry to all the respectful subs who also go through this. I feel for you. 

Thank you daddy for always keeping my best interest at heart, for understanding my fears and knowing my insecurities. I can’t ever think of a better Daddy to hold my heart. 

I Love you, and thank you for being who you are, 

Sugar!