So if you are vanilla (and not knowledgeable of bdsm) and wondering about the difference between dominance and domineering, it’s rather simple. A domineering man tells you what to do and makes you do it because he wants you to do as he says. He doesn’t lead you, he barks orders at you in order to make himself feel like he’s in charge. He’s not. He’s trying to feel better about himself and needs to assert himself onto you. He may abuse mentally, emotionally and physically. You may even confuse it as a dominant man. You may think he’s being macho (sigh), you may think he is trying to lead. He’s not. If you feel badly about yourself, it’s not dominance. It’s abuse.
Dominant men never leave you feeling badly about yourself. Dominant men lead. They take into consideration what is best for you. Correction- not into consideration, it’s his main focus. It’s what drives him. It’s what makes you want to please him. It’s you he’s taking into his heart and soul. He’s leading you to be a better person, to grow, to feel, to laugh, to cry. You are what matters to him. He is already in control of himself. He’s already secure in his knowledge of who he is. He knows his own limits and limitations. He doesn’t need to yell, scream, or otherwise abuse you. There is no need. You follow and would do anything because you know he wants you to be a better person!
So if your dominant makes you feel small and hurting, rethink your dominant, he’s anything but dominant. If he makes you feel like you could lift the world and you can accomplish anything, you have yourself a loving caring dominant. Easy to identify really. Just feel.
My 2 cents Sugar