We all have wants and needs. In the D/s world, it’s no different. A dominant wants his will fulfilled, a submissive wants to serve. Here is what separates the good from the bad. And what questions you need to ask yourself, both dominant and submissive.
Does my dominant/submissive have my best interest at heart? This means all the time, not some of the time. Could be a kink s/he likes that is not good for you. i.e. Maybe a Dom loves his cock sucked after he has anal with you. It’s simply not healthy. It’s physically dangerous. Maybe he likes public sex, is he prepared to be arrested and bail your butt out too? Maybe, giving you away to someone you don’t know well and him not being present-all not safe. If a dominant wants you to meet him first time anywhere that doesn’t have a secure, PUBLIC location. Run. Don’t walk away. He will never have your best interest at heart. First meetings tell a lot about a person. They should never, ever include play. Repeat. NEVER. Why? You don’t know anything about that man. If in doubt, ask yourself, would you want your friend, sister, daughter in this type of danger? That answer is your answer!
If you have issues with certain trigger words, tell him. Like if you have suffered any emotional abuse and been called words that make you cringe he has to know. Such as maybe being called a whore is hurtful but slut is not. It is in his best interest not to break you or harm you emotionally. This may sound simple but communication is absolutely a necessity.
Also, if a dominant has issues know them upfront, like does he need to have his identity as a Dom quiet for work or the community? If you see something that could “out” him, speak up. Does something anger him and you need to know why, ask him! Does being bratty drive him crazy? Don’t do it. Don’t take advantage of his role. No topping from the bottom to get your way. Communicate! Daily, often, consistently.
We are all people and need understanding and care. We don’t have but one life. We need to keep it in a fashion that will help us grow and flourish, not wilt and die. A D/s relationship can do great harm or uplift your entire soul. If you aren’t being lifted by either submissive or dominant. Ask yourself why. No one deserves to feel badly in a relationship.