So now we have established you are a sub and you want to move toward finding a Dom. I would think you have taken some time to really think through your internal dialogue and completed your internal needs analysis. I would hope by now you have a clear vision of what you will tolerate and what you will not. What you want to learn and what you don’t. Now comes the next piece of the puzzle.
The investigation of finding your Dom.
Have a clear perspective of expectations:
There is no National institution of Dom’s. There is no formal/official Dom hand book of behavior or misbehavior. There is, however, a consensus amongst Dom’s of how they should behave and not behave in certain situations. I cannot list all the good and bad behavior on this blog. There are, however, two hard and fast rule that any man/women who call themselves a Dom holds firm to. That is the use of the “safe word” and “aftercare”. The safe word is a word chosen as a “safety stop”. The word can be anything but once spoken the “scene” or activity stops immediately. “There is never any shame or feeling of letting your Dom down” If you ever feel an internal panic, press the stop button and reset. The second is “aftercare”, this is the comfort a Dom gives his subs after any intensive “scene”. There is a clear expectation in the “lifestyle” that the Dom has the responsibility to take emotional/physical care of his/her sub. One must discuss what happened, in the scene and give comfort and guidance to his/her submissive. Care should be taken to talk about what happened and how everybody feels.
I would not presume to be all knowing of the Dom world, but there are lots different types of Doms that you might run into. I would, however, recommend you read some Dom material and then read some more. There is a plethora of really good material and viewing some threads on Fetlife may also can bring some great value. I would highly recommend not to answer any threads, but be a fly on the wall look and learn. Develop an idea in your mind of the type of man/women that match your desires and needs. There must never be a next step if you don’t finish your internal needs analysis.
There is one last piece of advice in this section and that is to find a Submissive mentor. Look at Fetlife or other social media site and find a submissive mentor using all the qualifying info already laid out in the blog. The mentor should have an active Dom and have more than 5 years of lifestyle experience. The mentor should match as close as possible your needs and desires. The things you want to be trained on should also match the things in your mentor’s life that she has also been trained on.