I would hope by now, you have completed your internal dialogue. I know you have completed your personal need assessment and you have picked out a mentor to help guide you. Now is the time to get down to business and start looking for your Dom. Please note you are a women entering a mostly male dominated world. These men are looking for S&M sex and most are looking for casual sex, the same way someone might look for a new shirt or a visit to the movies. There are also men, women and couples looking for all manner of partners from casual to live in 24 hours.
There are many places to place a wanted ad and “Craigslist” is not one. Do not place an ad answer an ad and agree to meet anyone from this site. There are many reputable and some none reputable places to investigate. I like the pay sites such as “SLS” and “Collarspace”. I also like “Fetlife” and there is more than just want ads on the site and the opportunity to learn is endless.
I am sure the first time you post an ad in you will get 100’s of responses. I can guarantee you will get many polite offers and some none polite responses. Some men/women will wow you with their years of experience and some will give you woes of spouse deaths or tragedy. The responses will be a rainbow of colors and you will be dizzy with opportunities and wonderment. I can also guess you will get scared and disgusted and the way some men respond to you. Now is the time to lean on your mentor and your completed homework we discussed in my previous posts (see help I think I am a submissive).
There is nothing bad or wrong with these responses, but, go slowly and do not get heavily involved with any one particular man (or woman, or couple) too quickly. I warn you now is the time to go slow and be purposeful and directed. Do not give out personal information about yourself to others such as your telephone number, where you work, your email address and location. Always get comfortable with the person you’re talking to and if possible meet with a friend or mentor. Always meet in a safe public place and never ever play on the first date.
Some men/women will start bragging and start talking about themselves– listen carefully to both what they say and how they say it. Also listen to what they don’t say. How long have they been in the community? How many meetings, parties, and other events have they attended. What relevant books have they read? How many subs have they had? Do they have references? Don’t be swayed with simple bragging about events or situation’s without the proof to back it up. There are several ways to communicate such as through the ad site. I recommend you open a separate yahoo account if you want to communicate via email. I like sites such as “free conference call.com” These sites offer you free 800 numbers that both parties dial into. Sign up and they will give you a free 1-800 number and security code only known by you. keeping your phone number private. Calling using *67 will also keep your number a secret. Please remember with your cell/home number someone can find your name, home address and even where you work.
We will next discuss the date and what to watch for and how to interpret some of his/her actions.
Always remember you have worth you have value and how you feel inside is accurate and listen to the voice inside. If you feel uncomfortable you probably are and move on.