Small word, big meaning. TRUST. In the most relationships and particularly in the BDSM world, it is the most important word-more than love, more than limits, more than any emotion. It’s TRUST. When a Dom starts thinking of his own best interest, it’s not only a lack of trust, it also erodes the bond between the Dom and submissive. You can’t concentrate on my best interest if you only have your best interest at heart. That leads to a huge lack of trust. If I lose my focus as a submissive and I worry about you leading, I can’t function well. I lose my focus. As a submissive, I start to worry about what I need and start having to look for my own best interests. A Dominant that doesn’t lead a submissive, becomes scary for her. She then has to take back her power and become the “leader of her own best interest.” This is a ripple effect and suddenly all of the trust is gone. Poof – Trust- vanished in a heartbeat.
The opposite is also true. If a submissive believes she needs to handle her own best interest, then it’s no longer her focus to protect and follow her dominant. It’s to have only her interests at hand.It leads to a total lack of trust. Her Dom no longer can trust that she will follow his lead, that she will not be underhanded and manipulative and maneuver things to suit her own best interests. He loses trust in her. He loses focus and leadership ability. She will not be trustworthy. Trust will be gone.
The one thing I can say about this is it is very easy to break a trust, but nearly impossible to regain. When I, as a submissive, even think of doing anything that could be for my own best interest, I think first, “What will this do to enhance or degrade the trust that my dominant has in me?” If it is detrimental to that trust, I try never do it. That is the first thing I think of TRUST. If I believe it will enhance and strengthen the trust we have, I’ll first run it past him. Ask him what He thinks, how this will affect him. I never assume I know what is better for him. I keep his best interests at heart at all times. I know, feel, and have been shown without a shadow of a doubt, he keeps my best interest at heart, also. This has made us as strong as I have ever seen a D/s relationship. I have no doubt that my Dominant and I have a bond that is strikingly strong; although I am constantly aware nothing is unbreakable with a breach in trust, and we will withstand more storms than most relationships. I am one submissive who trusts and is trusted. I’m blessed.