Questions, Questions, Questions and Even a Few Answers

I am sometimes asked what kind of submissive I am. When you look at it there are several types of submissives. So when someone asks what kind of submissive are you, I think of the three types.

1. The bedroom submissive: a bedroom submissive is one who is very dominant and normal in all areas of her life, yet in the bedroom will submit and enjoys the endorphin rush. A bedroom submissive gives up control in the bedroom only.

2. The Psychological Submissive: this type of submissive is always submissive. She doesn’t need sexual acts or the bedroom to submit. She is submissive even to people who are not her dominant. She generally does much better with a dominant who can guide her and lead her in life.

3. The Submissive with a Slave Heart: A slave submissive surrenders all of her control to a dominant Master. She gives up all of her choices in life to them. She may or may not have limits but will always follow what her dominant demands. A good dominant will always respect those limits, even with the slave submissive.

I look at those types of submissives, I tend to fall in the Psychological Submissive. I follow orders to the best of my ability and I feel grounded and safe with a good dominant leading me. So many women fall in either the bedroom submissive or the few who have a slave heart. I always believe we fall in a continuum, as in most areas of life. There are no concrete lines and often we change due to our dominant or life itself. I have found a dominant I can not only trust but respect and admire. I am calm, safe, relaxed and can be the best person I can be.

When I meet someone on a BSDM site, one of the first questions I’m asked is how long have you been submissive? It’s always a hard questions for me, because I’ve been submissive all my life. It’s like asking me how long I have had green eyes. I’ve always been this way. There is a great article on what a submissive child feels and looks like as a child by Dr. Yaldah Tovah. The article was an eye opener for me. It made perfect sense in that I have always felt different. It states that submissive women start out as babies being more set to social cues, and easier to raise as toddlers. They need to please. It goes on to state that as they grow the submissive girl tends to be more empathetic than the average girl. Submissive girls are more in tune to people and can often find  issues and tend to fix them.

Dr. Tovah lists the traits of a healthy submissive woman below. I happen to agree with them.

1. The healthy submissive is capable of, and thrives on, intense, intimate, emotionally open relationships. This is often evident in the number of nourishing, sustaining, and life affirming friendships she makes over the years.
2. The healthy submissive is a giver. She often needs help to ration herself because her impulses nearly always lead her to want to do good for others.
3. The healthy submissive is capable of intense joy, especially in the context of a sustaining relationship.
4. The healthy submissive finds significant relaxation when properly related. She is at ease in that place.
5. The healthy submissive has finely tuned interpersonal sensitivity. She is reactive to subtle shifts in the emotional tone of others.
6. The healthy submissive has a fluidity of self, a flexibility that enables her to adapt to changing circumstances.
7. The healthy submissive is playful.
8. The healthy submissive has no more than the usual cultural conflicts about her body, and its goodness and beauty.
9. The healthy submissive takes pride in her accomplishments.
10. The healthy submissive accepts herself as she is, knowing that while her culture values independence and self sufficiency, she has strong dependency needs and that there is no inherent “wrongness” about those needs.
11. The healthy submissive seeks nourishing relationships.
12. The healthy submissive, in accepting herself “as is” is tolerant of others. But neither will she allow anyone to tell her what her truth should be.
13. The healthy submissive has a reasonable self concept, aware of her difficulties as well as her strengths.
14. The healthy submissive hunger is to be the object of an intense and penetrating understanding. When her nature is understood and she is held in a loving and firm frame, her devotion is almost limitless. The healthy submissive has an enormous capacity for devotion, from which springs her service.

I have lived most of my life not understanding my unique personality and having men and others take advantage of my kindness and special submissive qualities. I currently finally feel free. I am being cared for, nurtured, and I finally feel safe. I know that there is no one in the world who is allowed to hurt me. My heart is free from worry and fear. I hope other submissives can relate to this entry. I spent a lot of time not understanding why I was this way. I finally have the answers I always so badly desired.



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