Abuse takes many forms. There is physical abuse, which is easy to recognize to the person being abused. There are fights, battles and black and blues. There are “weapons” used for beating you. There are marks and scars and more. All making the victim feel ashamed, embarrassed and small.
Then there is emotional abuse. This one is dodgy. It’s not so evident. You are made to feel that you are just not up to par. You’re not a good partner. Lots of “if only you were better at ______, I’d love you more.” You become less of a person, start thinking less of yourself. Wanting to be better but the reality is there is no better in your life or theirs. You can never be good enough. Never. The result: the victim feels ashamed, embarrassed and small, just as in the physical abuse.
There is mental abuse also. This is even worse because you may think you’re going crazy. You are blamed for things you didn’t do at all. You’re not only not good enough, you are not even handling anything correctly, even if you did. It goes on and on. It’s not at all good for your mental or emotional well being. The end result once again is you feel ashamed, embarrassed and small.
Then there is the blend of all three types of abuse. They start out making you feel badly, then escalate to mental and physical abuse. It always ends up with you or them apologizing and you make up for the sake of keeping peace. Once again you always feel ashamed, embarrassed, and small. It’s a cycle. And you take the small periods of good times and think of them as reasons to stay.
In all of this, the abuser makes you feel that you won’t ever find anyone as good as them, or you are worthless and no one could ever want such a horrible disgusting person, or they take the other approach of they will die if you leave and use emotional blackmail to keep you. They won’t accept that you have to move on for your own sanity. The abuser is slick and cunning. The are con artists at their core. They know how to get what they want from you. And that is they want to control you by any means possible. They lie, they embellish, they beg, they steal, they always seek to get their way, which is always to control you.
It is not easy to live under the tyranny of abuse in any form. It shreds you own self-respect and takes you to a world where you start to believe you are not worth anything to anyone. Self doubt and hatred set in and you feel like there is nothing better and you can’t be better.
I have no answers here. I do have to say therapy has helped many people. I would definitely recommend getting help for yourself, with or without the abuser involved. You deserve to feel good about being exactly who you are. You deserve to find a person in your life who accepts you for exactly who you are. One who can love you with your flaws and great parts. No one is perfect, and you are as good, if not better than everyone else.
I am lucky to have found a daddy and a sister who are never abusive and always appreciate me for who I am. My heart is full when we are together with happiness and love.