I have always been a happy person. Call it chemistry, call it Karma, call it Luck. It doesn’t matter. I am not however, immune to problems. I started life being given away by my mother. I was in the hospital with overworked nurses to care for me, heels bleeding from crying so much. Yes, I was fortunate I was adopted. That fact alone caused abondonment issues for me. I had a dysfunctional family where parents yelled and fought at least weekly, things flew, hands ash trays dishes, not at me but it was hard. Still I was happy. I grew up. I never had the proper male influence. My dad was domineering and I married a domineering man, much like my father. I could describe my love life as a series of woes.
Still I was happy. I worked hard, became a mother, was in an abusive relationship. I had lots of issues with my children, as most people do. I was happy. I found BDSM and suddenly a light bulb went off, as I have previously stated. I met a dominant who although was never abusive, fed my abandonment issues. He disappeared, more than once. I was still happy.
I met another dominant man, who I swore loved me deeply, never abandoned me, but he died. I helped him and protected him through his death. He was a liar and a cheater and I was yet 1 in a dozen to him. I hurt deeply but I wouldn’t let that pain get in my way. I was still happy.
Then I found my daddy. He often says he wishes he found me 20 years ago. I am not. Why? Neither of us would have been ready. He needed to get his anger out. And I needed to take time to understand me and my own submission. I needed to learn, through all the people in my world who hurt me, how to be the best me.
I have taught Daddy to trust and to feel as protected as I feel with him. He has let me know I will not be abandoned or ever hurt by anyone again. Nor will he. We have grown and matured into these roles. I am loved for who I am-for my heart and for my happy nature that is mostly directed by my 12 year old alter Sophie. He protects her at all costs. I love him for everything he is. And for giving me courage to not own others abuse or anger. He has helped me to see how and why I am loved. I am helping him see why is a a good, kind and lovable man.
So on this Thanksgiving Day, I am most thankful to be wholly, truly, happy, because I know the pain and sadness of abuse and abandonment. I know the pain of feeling less than wanted, of being taken for granted and neglected. We met when we truly needed each other the most. There is a song called “Keeper of the Stars” by Tracy Byrd.(https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GQkati0AUdQ) That song is to my Daddy. We waited for sure. Sometimes, we need to know where we came from, to enjoy where we are. I love you Daddy. And besides my children, I am most grateful in my world for you. Happy Thanksgiving. I love you, Sugar