Past Troubles Equals a Thankful Today. 

I have always been a happy person. Call it chemistry, call it Karma, call it Luck. It doesn’t matter. I am not however, immune to problems. I started life being given away by my mother. I was in the hospital with overworked nurses to care for me, heels bleeding from crying so much. Yes, I was fortunate I was adopted. That fact alone caused abondonment issues for me. I had a dysfunctional family where parents yelled and fought at least weekly, things flew, hands ash trays dishes, not at me but it was hard. Still I was happy. I grew up. I never had the proper male influence. My dad was domineering and I married a domineering man, much like my father. I could describe my love life as a series of woes.

Still I was happy. I worked hard, became a mother, was in an abusive relationship. I had lots of issues with my children, as most people do. I was happy. I found BDSM and suddenly a light bulb went off, as I have previously stated. I met a dominant who although was never abusive, fed my abandonment  issues. He disappeared, more than once. I was still happy.

I met another dominant man, who I swore loved me deeply, never abandoned me, but he died. I helped him and protected him through his death. He was a liar and a cheater and I was yet 1 in a dozen to him. I hurt deeply but I wouldn’t let that pain get in my way.  I was still happy.

Then I found my daddy. He often says he wishes he found me 20 years ago. I am not. Why? Neither of us would have been ready. He needed to get his anger out. And I needed to take time to understand me and my own submission.  I needed to learn, through all the people in my world who hurt me, how to be the best me.

I have taught Daddy to trust and to feel as protected as I feel with him. He has let me know I will not be abandoned or ever hurt by anyone again. Nor will he. We have grown and matured into these roles. I am loved for who I am-for my heart and for my happy nature that is mostly directed by my 12 year old alter Sophie. He protects her at all costs. I love him for everything he is. And for giving me courage to not own others abuse or anger. He has helped me to see how and why I am loved. I am helping him see why is a a good, kind and lovable man.

So on this Thanksgiving Day, I am most thankful to be wholly, truly, happy, because I know the pain and sadness of abuse and abandonment. I know the pain of feeling less than wanted, of being taken for granted and neglected. We met when we truly needed each other the most. There is a song called “Keeper of the Stars” by Tracy Byrd.( That song is to my Daddy. We waited for sure. Sometimes, we need to know where we came from, to enjoy where we are. I love you Daddy. And besides my children, I am most grateful in my world for you. Happy Thanksgiving. I love you, Sugar


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