Daddy often asks “What do I do for you?” I find that question rather silly actually. He brings me joy. He allows me to feel love, to be loved and to understand I am lovable. These are things that in my life have been fleeting at best. He shows me how much I mean to him, he shows me his laughter, his joy, his love. He pays attention to what I need, what I want, what I find enjoyable, what I adore. He allows me to feel. He allows me to feel everything, anything in anyway. He allows me to feel comfortable enough to say things when I am angry that I always regret. He corrects me, but he always, always loves me.I don’t feel fear. Ever. No fear he will hurt me, no fear he will leave me, no fear he will ever resent me.To live my life without fear is a new experience for me. My hurting, abused self is like an old brief memories. She is not real anymore, a movie perhaps, a book I’ve read or a story I’ve heard. She is gone. She doesn’t forget but she’s been healed. This is because of him. Daddy. He did that for me.
He allows me to be my silly self too, to laugh so hard I almost wet my pants, to make him laugh so hard that I see HIS joy. My daddy offers me so much love, so much security, so much acceptance for who I truly am. I can be a silly goofy 12 year old, a serious advice giving mommy, just me and talking about nothing and everything. I can be a chatterbox, I can be solemn and quiet, I can dance around or be clingy and attached to him and not let him go. I can wake up with horrible hair. I can come in a surprise him in the shower. These are the joyful gifts that my daddy has given me. He showed me that I can love him. and that he will love me.
He gave me my sister, too. We looked hard to find the perfect one. We looked for months. He allowed me to give my opinion on why she would be perfect. I felt empowered, I felt like I had an opinion. We made a wonderful choice, Kitty is my friend, my sister and my confidant. I love her, she has my heart. Daddy did that for me too. He gave me a family, a secure, happy family. A daddy who never loses his patience, who guides me, whom I can trust. He may not understand I have never been able to trust a man. Never. I have trusted many, they have not been proven to be trust worthy, they have hurt me. He won’t hurt me. How do I know? I KNOW. It’s not just knowing, I feel it. I really feel it. I can feel, without fear of retribution, without fear of anger, without fear of abandonment. I can feel safe.
So daddy what you bring to me is trust, security, love, happiness, joy, laughter, stability, and you allow me to feel lovable. These are the most loving, selfless gifts you could ever give me. I would do anything I could for you, I love you as deep as an ocean, far as the galaxy, as long as infinity. I love you, deeply, wholly, entirely, and without fear, without pain-for that I owe you everything.
with love and deep devotion,