The Importance of Consistency

Screen Shot 2016-04-10 at 1.39.33 AMConsistency. It is truly the crux of all relationships. It allows one to trust on a root level. It allows one to develop intimacy. It allows love, it allows friendship and develops a bond. It is the glue that holds together a flourishing relationship. Without it, everything else is suspect to being scattered, and scary. Relationships flourish with everyone being able to feel secure, and have expectations met.

How you may ask? If you love someone who is inconsistent, you can not develop the trust in your relationship that is absolutely necessary to move forward in the relationship. How would you know what that person is expecting, needs, wants if there isn’t a consistency in their responses? I.E., If you lie to me I feel angry, if I perceive that you’ve lied, I feel angry. I don’t like lies all the time. So I expect you to be truthful, if you lie you expect me to be angry. Easy to understand. It develops trust. You have the knowledge that you need to tell me the truth to have me feel safe and to not develop anger and fear that anything else you tell me is true. You know how a lie will affect me. I am consistent. This is a very simple example of consistency and how its effects on a relationship.

In a D/s relationship, consistency is even more important. If a Dominant is not consistent, it can be traumatic to a submissive. In the reverse, a submissive must also maintain his/her consistency. If expectations are not consistent, everyone becomes confused. Rules can not change midstream, and following those rules must be completed to the best of the submissive’s ability. This allows the dominant to continue to lead with compassion and  not discipline and the submissive to feel good about completing her tasks. It builds self-esteem and self-respect for both parties. It also encourages the submissive to trust her dominant and to know what he expects. The ability to talk about the rules should they not be working as expected is something that needs to discussed.  In a flourishing, consistent relationship, there is enough trust to ask questions to examine if the rules are working or simply ask “Why?”

I am extremely lucky to have a consistent dominant and a sister, whom I may ask any question. He encourages us to ask him about our tasks, or how he has made us feel. She and I exchange conversations and always make sure we are happy. The level of depth we have cultivated has been an amazing thing to feel and see. This has been easier to achieve due to our consistency. We work hard at maintaining consistency. It has brought us closer together. I am a very lucky woman, with a loving family.

When I look at my relationship with Daddy and my sister, I think the most important premise is that our consistency has allowed me to always know that everything that is done between the three of us, is done with the intention of keeping our best interest at heart. Everything the three of us ever says is with that in mind. It may not always appear that way at first, but when all is said and done, it is that basic consistency that allows us to know, to feel, to embrace that notion. It allows us to grow in our D/s relationship, our loving relationship and our deep friendship. It is our all encompassed relationship that allows the feeling safety, steady and consistent growth, and continous learning without fear of judgement.

I recommend everyone involved in a relationship examine how consistent they are. It helps build depth, trust and love. It may just change your life. It surely has changed mine for the better. Thank you Daddy and Kitty.

My Love, always and forever,





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