Feelings

  We all have them. We all wish we could stop feeling them so much. They appear to make us weak, to hurt us, to make us vulnerable, to expose our soft underbellies. They open wounds from the past, confusion of the present, and fears of the future. They seem to take on a life of their own. Abusively causing pain, sadness, hurt and despair. So many negative feelings. Fear, pain, insecurity, anger, worthlessness, the list goes on. It can be depressing. Yet, we also have love, joy, contentment, caring, concern, and intimacy. They are some the positive ways we feel.

Feelings actually aren’t bad things. They are good things. They make us real. They make us human. They allow empathy, they allow us to show each other kindness. Our entire world is filled with feelings. I would say they single-handedly control us and how we relate to the world. By now you may be thinking, “Phooey! Emotions don’t control my world.” I disagree. From the time you wake in the morning, there are feelings. Could be as simple as, I feel tired. Or as complex as I feel so loved. It is a good time to acknowledge them, acquiesce to them, give them their rightful place in your life. Fighting them, pushing them down, ignoring them is fruitless.

I will let you in on a secret. I can’t hide my feelings at all. I have no filter of them, no ability to cloak them. Try as I will, they come out. If you need to know what I’m feeling, pay attention and look at me. Ask me. If I am sad, you will know it. Happy, you’ll have no problem seeing my joy. When I am sad or experiencing empathy, tears flow from my eyes. Do something nice for me? Tears of joy. I have always said I feel things stronger than most people. This is a huge curse and a tremendous blessing. The pain I often feel cuts deeply, but the happiness I feel is so overwhelmingly joyous. I can’t push my feelings down. I feel them, experience them, embrace them, as if they were close friends. I am a very optimistic and usually happy individual. I have written about some of my life. I have been hurt, and abused. I have felt those awful feelings. I choose to feel them let them wash over me like waves in the ocean but let them continue to shore. Give them time to soak in then allow them to wash away like water swirling down a drain. Always still standing strong and alive and aware that feelings are necessary. My joyful feelings often elicit tears. When I love, it’s deeply, completely, and with my whole being.

I hope everyone takes a minute out today to feel something openly, that you know you feel but tried so hard to disguise. Stop and let it wet your soul. Wash your spirit. Good or bad. Life is way too short to push those feelings down-To hide them. to ignore them, to pretend they aren’t there.They will come out anyway, and usually at a time you truly don’t want them to surface. Feelings make us human, and they allow us to love. That is more than  enough of a reason to want to feel something.

To my Daddy and my sister, Kitty, I feel so much love from you both. I can feel your pain and your sorrows, too. I see into  your hearts , I witness the purity of your souls. My emotions drive my actions, they run deep and strong, always with your best interest at heart.  It tears me up that I can’t protect you both all the time from other people hurting you. That other people in your lives cause painful feelings, hurt and anguish. Please don’t be afraid to feel everything, and embrace it all. Feel that wave, and when you look up you’ll see me there. Arms out stretched giving you all of my love, letting you feel it. Maybe, just maybe, that will feel better than the pain for a change. That you will need the positive feelings more than the negative ones-that feeling unconditional love will truly conquer all.

My love and devotion,

Humbly, 

Sugar
 

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