I need processing time. I need time to unravel my feelings. Time to decide what I am actually feeling, and even then sometimes I feel good and bad about something. Sometimes it happens quickly, sometimes it takes days. I don’t know why. I am also easily convinced too. I think it’s a part of being a submissive. We get confused. We get easily lead into making decisions. I don’t want to speak for all submissives, because I know I’m a tad different than most, but I do know others who are like me. Most times I talk it out with daddy, he helps me figure out what I am truly feeling. Other times I talk to my sister, or a girlfriend. Sometimes it’s as clear as day, others as murky as the Mississippi River.
Always I know in the end what is bothering me. I’m often embarrassed by why or how I feel. My rational and analytic self tries hard to see all sides of an issue. There are also times where all I do is feel. It’s those times that are the hardest. My feelings emote from deep within and I search to find a reason for them. Why do I feel a certain way? Am I trying to protect a part of me, trying to protect my little, my dignity? Or is it something else? I’m not always sure until the Ah Ha Moment! Most of the time, I wake up knowing something different than when I went to sleep. I feel something different or have clarity. Other times, it’s the total opposite.I go to bed feeling great about it and wake up with doubts over what is happening.
When I finally figure out what the “real” issues are, I bring them to daddy. He is becoming well aware of my need to process. He’ll say think about it, let me know, or figure it out and tell me later. And I do, It’s important for both of us to realize that without that communication, and time to process, I make poor decisions not only for myself, but for daddy. I have to remember to keep daddy’s best interest at heart, somehow without compromising my intense feelings toward him or myself.
When you have a problem, talk about it with your dominant, discuss options, and above all pay attention to your feelings. Whether good or bad feelings, they matter. It matters how you unravel your ball of yarn. It matters how it feels in the end. Feelings aren’t bad, they are redeeming to your soul. They make us who we are. They come to us fleetingly sometimes, but they will arrive loud and clear, exposing our world, like wiping off a foggy window, suddenly you can see it all distinctly. You know why your reactions made sense or didn’t make sense.
Reactions are my Achilles Heel. I am a hyper-reactive person. I am learning to Stop and Think, and with guidance from daddy, take time to process. Process first, React later. I am learning to do just that. I’m not always good at it, but I’m always trying to do better. Being an empath doesn’t help much. Sometimes, I feel something but it takes months to know the real truth, yet the feelings are there and won’t go away. It’s those times that try me. That make me want to jump out of my skin. The feeling that something isn’t quite right, yet to look at it on the surface, it looks perfectly fine. I am learning to listen to my own inner voices in those instances. I’m am usually right.
Thank you daddy for understanding my need to process, to figure it all out and to feel and later react. Without that I would be a mess. I would be making reactive decisions and upsetting our world. You allow me to slow down and think, process and know that the decisions I make are correct.
I love you bigger than the whole wide world,