Feels like you’re in a kayak and get flipped over. Drowning in doubts about who you are, what you mean to him, how you function, why you’re there, where you fit, and then magnify that 100 times. Gasping for air, begging to be pulled up and assured. Not knowing how to stop feeling so useless. So utterly insecure and irrational.
Forgetting your purpose, your goal, your objective. Trying to please the world and not pleasing anyone. Especially your own self. Not pleasing daddy, not pleasing your family. Not pleasing any one. Just drowning and unable to coherently understand anything.
Daddy pulls me up, and pumps out the water. Makes me focus, and forces me to rethink all my feelings. Slowly, sanity comes back-but at a dire cost. Disappointing the one person I can’t bear to disappoint- daddy.
Sighs and tears to sleep. New day, New attitude. Once again. Starting over.
It drains the sunshine. And I see cloud people. And they are raining on me.
Bring back my sunshine, please daddy.
I love you, I’m sorry,