How My Little’s Brain Works and Why

Screen Shot 2017-05-15 at 2.25.23 AMLittles are strange creatures. They are different than anyone could imagine. Maybe I am a different little, maybe I’m a one of the kind. I won’t speak for other littles. I will speak to my little. Sophie, in her childlike state, is happy. She’s funny, a big physical mess. She trips over things, she’s clumsy, she laughs at silly things. She is also very insecure. She loves with all her heart. Sophie can be a smart ass. She thinks she is right, sometimes when she isn’t. Daddy is quite patient with her, even when she is cheeky or a big mess. He never makes her feel unimportant. He never makes her feel less of a woman.  She is learning to calmly and easily talk to daddy instead of acting out and behaving badly.

Her insecurities are always unfounded; she is learning to calmly and easily talk to daddy instead feeding into her desire to shout and perform in a negative manner. It’s not easy for her. None of it is easy. It’s hard. She fights with her demons. The voices in her head are loud and scary. Now, why may you ask does she feel so insecure, if her daddy never gives her a reason? Very good question. She has serious abandonment issues. People leave her, other people abused her. They use her frailty to hurt her. She doesn’t trust easily.

Her own mother gave her away. She was adopted. She didn’t appear to have an issue when she was a child, but that was an illusion. So many of her issues are directly threaded to childhood. She parented her adopted mother, who was abused by her father. She took care of her. She tried hard to direct her mother to leave the man who was loving and good to her, but not her mother. She learned that she needed to help her mother. All her life she did that. That left her unable to fully grow up. Oh she looks very grown up, she looks her age, she can easily act her age. She has grown-up wisdom, but that is her alter ego, Mommy.  No one knows much about Mommy here. Mommy protects Sophie, Mommy protects Daddy. Mommy protects everyone.  Mommy and Sophie have serious debates in her mind. Daddy knows about those debates. He knows about Mommy, he knows about her insecurities, she knows about his. There is so much more to their relationship than almost anyone knows. Her sister Kitty knows, but almost no one else has a clue.

So when Sophie, in her childlike state, has a meltdown. Daddy does what daddies should do, he talks to her. He calms her down. He finds out what the real issues are in her mind. He treats her no differently than any other 12 year old child. Then he hugs her if he is there with her, and depending on her poor behavior he could punish her or warn her. They talk about how she could have handled her fears differently. That is why she is learning. He is teaching her to discuss, not react. She is learning or rather unlearning, how to handle her fears. He has taught her that.

Daddy is her hero. He is her protector, her heart is in his hands and he isn’t going to ever let anyone hurt her. This is why she trusts him. He trusts her as well. Their level of intimacy is beyond what anyone else knows. To the outside world, she is a grown adult woman who has a silly sense of humor, who may be silly and happy; but to her daddy, he knows who and what she is. She’s a scared, insecure and often happy 12-year old who simply adores her daddy. He adores her as well. He knows that there are two distinct personalities inside of her. And she has a big heart, and a loving one as well. They share so many things in this world – the most important is each other’s hearts.

I love you, Daddy for all you are and all you do for me. I see your goodness, and you are a wonderful, beautiful person. You are my hero, I adore you.

Hugs and Big Kisses,

Sugar (Sophie too!)

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