Submissives are different in a lot of ways from “regular” people. We tend to like pleasing much more than the average person. We have internal voices that make us need to please. We thrive on pleasing. We are often low maintenance creatures. We can most things for ourselves. We can be extremely needy for attention and guidance, but from my personal point of view, if we know that displeases our dominant, we even try hard to not be so needy. We always do need guidance. It’s built in our DNA.
Now when I talk about submissive needs, I’m talking about a D/s relationship, not a BDSM one only. That is quite obviously easy to fulfill. It’s based on impact/sexual/kinky play. It’s a real thing and it’s much easier to fulfill. A good BDSM session is whatever the Dom and sub have negotiated, along with good solid aftercare. That will feed them adequately. The real question is how to feed your D/s relationship where BDSM is not the main focus of your relationship. That takes much more work and much more ingenuity.
To feed most submissive needs, we go back to the basics. Time and Attention (T&A- and you thought T&A stood for something else! ) and guidance. They need to be given the opportunity to help you in some meaningful way. I once heard of a Dominant who gave his submissive math problems to do. Duh! That wouldn’t do a thing for me. I would simply rebel and need a reason to do that. I’d google every answer or just not do it. Not being bratty but I need a reason to complete a task. I definitely wouldn’t think of it as anything but punishment. If I were being a good submissive why would you punish me like that? Luckily, my Daddy wouldn’t ever do that to me. He doesn’t use his power to give me ridiculous tasks. He asks me if he gives me enough tasks, my answer always gives me something you need me to do. I would be adamant about not doing dumb things. (My inner 12 yo would simply fold her arms and say no, I was a good girl don’t punish me for being good, which at that point I’d get punished for being a brat. It would be a terrible vicious cycle we would both tire of quickly.)
I guess it goes back to my older post of needing CRACK. Caring, respect, affection/attention, compassion, and kindness. Those are the things I need to both give and receive. I need to feel like I have a purpose, and I don’t believe I’m truly that different than most D/s lifestyle submissives. I need to feel you desire me, in all ways. That I have a place in your life. That your life would somehow be not a fulfilled if I wasn’t with you. That you love me and I’m important enough to you to feed me. I’m rather laid back and spend some time with me, I’m good. If I can’t see you in person, talk to me on the phone, if you can’t talk, shoot me a text. It’s about knowing I’m thought about. It’s about being in your heart.
I am not that needy that I need constant attention, yet I do need some. I get all that I need from Daddy. He’s very good at giving me what I need. He thinks about me a great deal and shows me that he does by small things he does. An example is he knows I eat protein bars for breakfast a lot. He bought me a box and gave them to me. A little thing but meant the world to me. He thought about me. I try hard to do the same for him. I am always at a loss for words when he does things like that. I’m not used to being fed and not in the physical sense.
Feeding a submissive takes thought and it takes time. We are all unique. What feeds me, may not feed someone else. This is where we are much like our Dominants. We are all unique. (This is why you can’t be lazy and have someone else train your submissive!) You need to know what we need. We often want a lot! What we need is something totally different. (That will be another blog entry!)
So Dominants, don’t forget to properly feed your submissive. Know what their needs are, don’t forget their wants but always feed their needs. You have taken on a tremendous responsibility. It’s not as easy as it sounds. You have to be responsible and be able to give her the T&A she craves and needs or she will wither and die like a plant or animal you forget to feed and water.
I am one of the lucky ones that have someone who feeds me regularly and shows me T&A and guidance. He allows me to show him my love by giving me jobs when he needs something done. He brings me treats/gifts to show me he has paid attention to what I enjoy.
I love you, Daddy and I can’t think of a better Daddy for me. You have my heart and take care of me quite well.
Kisses and hugs,
Love always and forever,
P.S.- How do you like to be fed? How do you feed your submissive?