So I as think of what limits I have, it brings me to the very many submissives we talk to online who say they have no limits. It makes me laugh, and it makes me confused. Daddy tends to talk to them and say silly things to them, like “Oh so I can break your arm?” “NO, of course not!” So yes you have limits. You have boundaries in what you think your dominant may or may not do to you. There are many dominants who are sadists, and submissives matching their sadism with masochism. It’s a nice pairing of desires, but you have to know what you can and can not tolerate. Is it okay to be marked? Is sleeping in a cage okay? Sleeping on the floor okay? It isn’t something this submissive would want to do unless it was a punishment. It’s not something I desire. Your limits are things that when crossed will make you feel abused. They will make you feel that your life is not worth living. You can not afford to accept someone who crosses a hard limit.
Now that being said some “hard” limits, you may wind up enjoying. Those are limits you may not think you may like, but they really turn out to be soft limits that you did not think you could possibly enjoy. Maybe, a good example of that is anal sex or being spanked with a belt or paddle. Those are examples of limits that you can walk away from thinking, “Gee, I really enjoyed that.” Soft limits are just that, limits that you may not think you would like, but you’ve never tried. Sometimes, those soft limits will turn the other way and become hard limits. You never know.
Dominants have limits as well. What is it you refuse to do to someone? Will you refuse to use needles or draw blood with a whip? Everyone has different limits. There is no right or wrong answer here, but the fact remains everyone has some limits, whether they are implied or vocalized, or just intrinsically known by the other, there are limits. Fortunately, a good dominant will know that, but unfortunately, a bad one won’t want to know. The unfortunate reality is there are abusive men who cloak themselves in the Dominant category and prey on new submissives who don’t know any better. They will belittle the submissive and tell them a “real submissive or slave has no limits.” Nothing could be further from the truth. It is imperative that we all communicate our limits with our dominants and submissives.
I have said that I don’t have limits with my Daddy. It’s true because I don’t need to communicate them anymore. He knows me so very well, he knows what I can handle and what I enjoy. I, in turn, do not have to tell him over and over again. He knows. So, in reality, I have limits but they need not be verbalized. I have gained his trust and he has gained mine. We know so much about each other that they needn’t be vocalized at all. Daddy can be quite the sadist, so inflicting pain and seeing tears does not stop his torment, but my safe word does.
That brings me to safewords. Everyone needs one. I have never used one. I don’t enjoy using them, which unfortunately brings a huge burden to Daddy. He needs to know my threshold to pain without using one. I don’t like them personally because I don’t like disappointing Daddy. He would argue that it’s my job to use one. I have not had to use one because he is very conscientious about making sure I am okay. This is from being together for years. A new submissive with a new dominant does not have that luxury. They don’t trust each other enough, nor do they know enough about each other to play in that manner. Communication about your limits and what safeword you will use is not only important but necessary for everyone’s protection.
I am happy to say I have found a dominant that would not cross the boundaries I have set for him, which at this point are mostly nonverbal and just known. I know what he could not do as well as he knows what I couldn’t tolerate. Be aware of the imposters, the abusers, the romanticists who are reading too many romance novels, and those who are mentally unstable. Enjoy those who know your desire, and their own desires match yours. It’s daunting to find the right partner, but it is so worth it. Just make sure you don’t get hurt looking for them-emotionally, physically or mentally.
I love you Daddy and I am blessed to know you. You are a wonderful example of what is right in the lifestyle.
Big hugs and kisses,