The phrase is use a lot. Doms love throwing it around. Subs think they never do it. What the hell is it? I’ve looked for a definition I agree with and most are simply about a “scene” in which a sub tells a Dom exactly how they want things done to them.
Now that definition works fine if the D/s relationship is simply a top/bottom bedroom one, but for my relationship with Daddy doesn’t work at all. Why? Because the sexual part of our relationship is probably the least important part. So if I ask for something, it’s just that a request, not a command. So if I appear to top from the bottom, it distresses me to think of that as something I’ve done terribly wrong. In my own personal definition, topping from the bottom isn’t guiding. It’s demanding and/or leading for the purpose of personal gain.
So officially, I am saying this as my definition: Topping from the bottom is the coercing of a Dominant to do something specifically for or to the submissive, in order for the submissive’s gain of power and/or advancement.
Meaning if it only improves the quality of life of the submissive and doesn’t improve the dominant’s life, it is topping from the bottom. If however, the submissive is guiding the Dominant’s behavior to improve his own life, she is doing the job of the submissive to care for and help her Dominant in any way she can. She is only trying to guide the Dominant, so as to not allow the dominant to fail at taking his own mental, physical and emotional needs into account.
This may be up for debate on what his needs actually are, but that is to be negotiated as to what they are and how she can best provide that without upsetting the exchange of power.
Kayla Lord in her Loving BDSM podcast
, “Adding a Tough Love Clause to a Ds Relationship”, describes it as when the sub has to respectfully communicate with the dominant to what she believes he needs to do to care for his needs. (Key word being respectfully) He may not be in the frame of mind to heed such a message or not realize he needed one, but it is important to have such a clause. Sometimes we just can’t see the forest for the trees. Even the biggest, baddest, most fierce Dom, needs a warrior submissive to help him at times. Hence, the tough love clause is perfect. This Falls perfectly in line with my own personal definition of it’s not topping from the bottom if it is in the best interest of the dominant.
So Daddy whenever I appear to be Topping from the Bottom, please ask yourself, Is this an act that will only benefit my own wants or needs, or is it something I have done with your best interest at heart with a tough love clause in my hand? Smile. We all don’t like being the “bossy” sub, but we need to take care of the Dominant who needs to be cared for properly.
My heart is yours sir and it is my job to make sure you’re properly cared for by everyone, even yourself.
Love you, always and forever,