It seems that often people mistakenly think that if a person is submissive, they must be a doormat. Obviously, this is not true, but not entirely impossible either. We tend to be people-pleasers, as a general rule. In reality, this is something that many submissives need to work on not becoming that cliche. It’s not easy, given our way innate need to please. We generally have a strong urge to make people happy. These people may or may not be worthy of our time or efforts. How on earth can we distinguish who is worthy of these efforts?
One way to look at it is, look at the other person’s actions. Are they takers or do you mean enough to them to have them give of themselves? Do you feel that what you have done for that person is truly appreciated? Are they grateful? Do you feel that if you didn’t do those things for them, would they still be there for you?
In other words, do you feel good about yourself? Does it enhance your life or do you feel badly about yourself after you do things for them? Talk to your closest friends about it. Do they think you are being used? Why or why not?
In my personal case, I look to my Daddy to help me distinguish between people who are worthy and people who are taking advantage of me. I always give people the benefit of the doubt, and if after a few times I see that their actions do not match their words, I know I need to assess. I ask Daddy and get his opinion. (just to be sure) The more I get reinforcement that I am correct in my assumptions, the more I realize I have that power.
You often know when you’re being a pawn, you feel it deep inside. Your intuition shows you, it’s like someone waving a huge red flag. You see it, but often we ignore it, as if it’s really not Your red flag. You are allowed, as a submissive, to say no to people. You can say to yourself, I’ve had enough. And then tell the person “I can’t really do that for you. I’m sorry. ” and you will live. Nothing will fall down, the world won’t stop. Life will go on. You may even have to practice saying no. And that’s okay too. Practice makes it easier to do.
It is truly up to our own selves to protect ourselves from being a doormat. We can feel it deep inside. It feels bad, feels sadly familiar, and feels like the person had no right to even ask you. When that happens, politely but firmly, just say no. You will fight with the bad feeling you may experience, but it will pass and you will then be left with a feeling of empowerment, and self esteem.
These are some of the things that Daddy has taught me and instilled in me.
Thank you Daddy, I am quite lucky to have such a caring Dominant.
I love you,