Like most of us, I’ve been thinner, yet I’ve been much heavier. I don’t think I could say how no matter what my weight, I’ve never felt better than I do now. I’m older, my body is less firm. I don’t love what I see in the mirror, but you know what? When I see some flabby legs, or arms, I am reminded I used to be MUCH heavier, and above all, my body is working for me. I have legs that carry me and walk well, arms that can carry weight more now than before. When I used to barely be able to walk up a flight of stairs, I can now run them. I can lift more weight than I have ever been able to and can now do a 45 second to 1 minute, low plank. I can almost do push ups. I am not young, and I am now going to the gym a LOT, nearly every day and those days I don’t go I get 8,000-10,000 steps in my day.
Fitness is something I am doing so that I can stay healthy. My blood pressure was high, it is no longer high. I am (gulp) 63 and the only medicine I take on a daily basis, is an eye drop. Most people can’t fathom I am 63. Hell, I can’t fathom it either. I don’t know anyone my age who isn’t taking something. Is it good genes? Luck? I don’t actually think so, I believe it’s a combination of good genes, (being adopted I have no idea of birth parent’s health records) and a conscience effort to finally eat well and exercise. I never used to think I was worth-while enough to even bother. I have gone from a plus size 18 to a regular size 10. And not all 10s fit. Do I freak out and not buy something I love of it’s a 12? Nope. I buy the bigger size knowing that it’s just a size issue. I still love to eat, and it’s a still a struggle to eat well sometimes. I am a sugar-holic and that is never good for your body. Now I do indulge at times, but I am much more careful. My daily desserts of cookies, cake and ice cream have been substitute with low sugar protein bars (Kirkland brand at Costco has them) and fat free, sugar free frozen yogurt.
I have kept this weight off for about two and a half years now. I know that some of my motivation is my Dominant. He is worth me being my best, which may not be the best of anyone my age, yet it is the best I can be. He also encourages me to be my best-not for him, but for myself. He wants us both to be healthy, strong and most of all, happy. He does not punish me if I have a bad eating day, nor does he push me to do more and more. He does not like to micromanage at all, so he leaves my own personal well being up to me. But if I need him to help me, he will, with pleasure. I am loved, for who I am.
My body image is not always the best. It’s skewed at times, I still see a large woman in the mirror, and other times I can’t believe what I am looking is me. I am always striving to be my best and as in most things in life, it’s a journey, not a destination. It’s not easy, I will be the first to admit that. Somethings on my body will never be gorgeous, but that’s okay. Perfection is long since a fantasy that will never be achieved. I don’t have to be perfect for anyone, just the best I can be.
Thank you daddy for always loving me, regardless of what size I am or I am not. Thank you for your undying encouragement and support. Thank you for wanting me just as I am. And most of all thank you for simply being a caring, loving man; a man I can’t imagine being absent in my life. I strive each day to make you proud. I know that if I falter, it’s not going to make you less proud, but you know you just to have to help me understand my worth more. And I am sure you will do that, as you always have.
I love you for all you are and all you do for me.
My respect and devotion always,