***** This is NOT written about my Dominant. It is written about other men in my life*****
How can a vanilla man affect a submissive? I will only talk about this from my own perspective. I Obviously, I can’t speak for every submissive. We are as different as songs, some do quite well in being in dominant roles, others are not so lucky. Others still, like myself resort to a more maternal dominant type role. It’s quite easy for me to lead as long as I am doing it from a nurturing aspect. What I have found, is there are many men who think they are dominant. It doesn’t necessarily mean they are dominants. They give orders easily. They may be kind or even polite in their execution, but they are not dominants. They can be domineering. They can be assholes or perfect gentlemen. Doesn’t make it easy for a submissive to deal with them.
I don’t make decisions well. Ask me what I want to eat? I simply don’t know. I am easy going they say, I am unable to make decisions they say. I refer to them. “What do you want to eat?” You decide. What I’ve experienced is a slow but, steady expectation that they get to choose and do everthing. On top of that, they thought they should be right all of the time. ALL of THE TIME. I started to see them melting down like boys when they didn’t get their way. I now realize most of their bad behavior, I had a hand in. I didn’t have the boundaries that I so needed. I did not understand that they did not have my needs or my best interest at the core of the relationship. They had their best interests at their core, that along with some narcissistic disorders makes for a very rocky and dysfunctional relationship.
I do well with dominants. They take the time to understand that I like to please them. I like for them to make decisions, like dinner, but they are kind enough to make sure I get what I like as well. I am, of course, simplifying the situations but you get the idea. My need to please everyone makes me a target for abusive men with issues. I am an easy target. I realized this late in life. So, if you are a natural submissive, who has tried all her life to be the pleaser, beware. You are a target, for men who are prey on your submissive nature. As I have said, this is a huge generalization of submissives and dominants. And I won’t go into the fake doms who are the domineering assholes I have discussed in other blog posts.
If there is a real point, to this post, it’s to beware. Understand that all that glitters is not gold, and bad people will take advantage of your submissiveness. Vet your prospects whether your new love interest is a professed dominant or a vanilla man. Make sure they take your needs into consideration, and they will soon find out you’ll take theirs into your heart. You will make them very happy and they will make you happy. This is the circle of the Yin/Yang.
I, personally, have found I’m not happy with vanilla men. I don’t get what I need. I don’t get what I want. I can not allow my submissive nature surface safely. I am forced to hold it down deep inside. Thank goodness, I don’t have to do that anymore. I love my daddy. I adore being with him. It’s comfortable and it’s natural.
Thank you, Daddy, for allowing me to be exactly who I am and allowing me to unfold everything I feel. I don’t know how I could love anyone else with so much depth. it is because of my ability to trust you, that I can do that. I have seen some rough times, and I have a hard time trusting anyone. I am yours now and I can trust you won’t try to harm me in any way.
I love you deeply and always.