How Does Vanilla Fit This Submissive?

***** This is NOT written about my Dominant. It is written about other men in my life*****

How can a vanilla man affect a submissive? I will only talk about this from my own perspective. I Obviously, I can’t speak for every submissive. We are as different as songs, some do quite well in being in dominant roles, others are not so lucky. Others still, like myself resort to a more maternal dominant type role. It’s quite easy for me to lead as long as I am doing it from a nurturing aspect. What I have found, is there are many men who think they are dominant. It doesn’t necessarily mean they are dominants. They give orders easily. They may be kind or even polite in their execution, but they are not dominants. They can be domineering. They can be assholes or perfect gentlemen. Doesn’t make it easy for a submissive to deal with them.

I don’t make decisions well. Ask me what I want to eat? I simply don’t know. I am easy going they say, I am unable to make decisions they say. I refer to them. “What do you want to eat?” You decide. What I’ve experienced is a slow but, steady expectation that they get to choose and do everthing. On top of that, they thought they should be right all of the time. ALL of THE TIME. I started to see them melting down like boys when they didn’t get their way. I now realize most of their bad behavior, I had a hand in. I didn’t have the boundaries that I so needed. I did not understand that they did not have my needs or my best interest at the core of the relationship. They had their best interests at their core, that along with some narcissistic disorders makes for a very rocky and dysfunctional relationship.

I do well with dominants. They take the time to understand that I like to please them. I like for them to make decisions, like dinner, but they are kind enough to make sure I get what I like as well. I am, of course, simplifying the situations but you get the idea. My need to please everyone makes me a target for abusive men with issues. I am an easy target. I realized this late in life. So, if you are a natural submissive, who has tried all her life to be the pleaser, beware. You are a target, for men who are prey on your submissive nature. As I have said, this is a huge generalization of submissives and dominants. And I won’t go into the fake doms who are the domineering assholes I have discussed in other blog posts.

If there is a real point, to this post, it’s to beware. Understand that all that glitters is not gold, and bad people will take advantage of your submissiveness. Vet your prospects whether your new love interest is a professed dominant or a vanilla man. Make sure they take your needs into consideration, and they will soon find out you’ll take theirs into your heart. You will make them very happy and they will make you happy. This is the circle of the Yin/Yang. 

I, personally, have found I’m not happy with vanilla men. I don’t get what I need. I don’t get what I want. I can not allow my submissive nature surface safely. I am forced to hold it down deep inside. Thank goodness, I don’t have to do that anymore. I love my daddy. I adore being with him.  It’s comfortable and it’s natural.

Thank you, Daddy, for allowing me to be exactly who I am and allowing me to unfold everything I feel. I don’t know how I could love anyone else with so much depth. it is because of my ability to trust you, that I can do that. I have seen some rough times, and I have a hard time trusting anyone. I am yours now and I can trust you won’t try to harm me in any way.

I love you deeply and always.

Your,

Sugar

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To Be Thankful

1FB31A8B-6428-4E40-AB01-CF9990C4BE8A.jpegAs a Submissive, I am naturally programmed, I believe,to be grateful. I tend to not take much for granted. Nothing in my life I take for granted.- my girlfriends, my family, my job, my working body, my less than beautiful legs that work so well, but most of all my very special Daddy. Each day, I strive to be grateful.

That being said, I have my moments of a very special pity party, of course. I’m not perfect. I surely don’t look perfect. And truthfully, there are parts of my body I abhor. I think what if my arms looked better or my legs. Maybe, I’d look so much better. I stop when I see someone who can’t walk or has some abnormalities. I get angry at myself. I have cried because I am so grateful I am healthy, I’m strong. And yes I have real flaws. Oh well! I get over my insecurities when I realize, there is no one in my life who wants me because I have don’t nice arms and legs. There is no one who loves my heart for any other reason but I am who I am. I feel even more foolish. I am so thankful for what I have and who I am.

I have huge trust issues, and abondment issues. Most stem from my being adopted. Let’s just simplify it: “If your own mother can get rid of you, then anyone can.” I am finally, slowly beginning to believe that my daddy won’t ever leave me. We are closer than ever and I know we have a transparent relationship. What does that mean? He doesn’t hide anything from me. I don’t hide anything from him. It works. It makes us both feel secure. I am thankful and eternally grateful. I have waited a lifetime to feel loved for exactly who I am. I will always, always show my gratitude and my love to this man. He has proven to me that I am important enough to put up with my craziness and my insecurities and my persistence. He tolerates, (although does not  necessarily like) my endless analogies, my questions, my whining at times. Even some bratty foot stomping has not droveen him away.

Thank you daddy. You are my sunshine and my stars. Your impish personality has attracted many, but they will never know your deepest side exactly as I do. I am honored and priveledged to know the man without any curtains hiding his true self. I am in awe at your true strength. Simply put, I am yours and I am so thankful. This thanksgiving as in the last four, I’ll be thanking God that you are here traveling this part of our life together.

My love, my gratitude, my heart and my thanks for who you are,

Sugar

How Does It Feel to be a Dominant and a Submissive Couple When Are Not Physically Together for Way Too Long!

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It feels like you forgot to eat breakfast, you hunger for your food and your stablilty. It feels like you didn’t put your pants on, you feel oddly unprotected and exposed. It feels like you have your shoes on backwards, like you’re walking in circles, wonderging why you are so confused.  It feels like you want to run away, and don’t really know why. It feels like you need to breathe, and you can’t quite catch your breath. It feels like you need a hug all the time. It feels like you want to kneel, just to get things straightened out calmly in your brain. It feels like you could cry at any moment, but you don’t exactly know why. If feels like you’re not worthy of that wonderful man, even when he reassures you, you are.  It feels downright fucking crappy, horrible and shitty.

Period, The End.

Sugar

Submissive or Slave?

06FB76C3-0797-4701-8FDA-55B6F633D94E.jpegI suppose it should start out with my own personal definitions of a submissive or a slave.  In my mind a submissive is someone who goes over and above to give up her power in a relationship. She submits herself to the will of her dominant. She has built the trust of her dominant so that she knows that he has her best interest at heart. It sounds so very easy, but it’s very hard. Harder than anything I’ve done on earth. But more rewarding as well.

A slave has no will, no power at all. She submits all of her power and desires to her dominant. She loses the “right” to disagree and to make any decisions. Sometimes I feel like a slave, sometimes I feel like a submissive. I always feel owned. I know that Daddy has my best interest at heart. I know he doesn’t want anything bad to happen to me. That he doesn’t ever want me damaged, physically, emotionally or mentally from his actions. I know that, feel that and understand that, regardless of what he is doing or saying

Today I was confused. Without saying exactly what I was confused about, let’s say it was a sexual act that we both agreed was dangerous and not wanted by either of us. Well today Daddy asked me if I would do that. I said no but I was confused. Part of me wanted to say “but daddy we talked about this. You said no, I said no.” But it wasn’t about what he was asking- it was about trust. He looked at me sternly and say “You are not to say no to me again. Do you understand?” I must have looked confused and I said,” Yes Daddy. I understand.” I didn’t argue. He said “All this time you don’t trust me?” I said I did. And we talked about it. Sophie, my little, was thinking, “Daddy you’re silly, you can’t and won’t do that lol” And I learned a valuable lesson today. Do not say No to daddy. I am his. He makes those decisions and that is fine. The issue was he would never have done what he asked of me. Never. So I know and trust that he always has my best interest at heart so I do not need to say no to something I know will harm me. It won’t happen.

Today, I have never felt more like Daddy’s slave. I have never realized how much power I have given to him and the ability to say no was the last thing left. I am sure my own free will one day will come rearing her head now and again. But for today I am yours submissive with a slave heart and I will not be saying No to you.

I am giving up my submission and my free will. I know I’m in great hands. I have never felt so secure about any decision.

I love you and admire all that you are. I am yours. And I am owned and I have given you all of me.

Kiss and hugs, with love and devotion,

Sugar

Expectations

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Sometimes my expectations are too high. Now I’m not saying I’m wrong but I place the same standards on people I try to live by. I don’t lie to those closest to me. I always keep their best interest at heart. I make sure I think about what I say or do before I do it. I look down the road to see what ramifications my actions may have. I don’t do things that I wouldn’t want someone to do to me. I think my standards are too high. I get hurt so easily. I expect people to say what they mean and do what they say. I expect them to think about what they say to me is truthful and honest. I want them to respect me, and my feelings. I always do that for them.

Just a short rant. I am hurting. Sometimes it’s all I can do to not cry today.

I will be fine. Just having a bad time with my feelings.

Sugar

Ghosting, Catfishing and Some Remedies!

In this odd world of online meetings, getting to know someone can be difficult. They are only real to me if I see thing, meet them or know someone who knows them. People online lie. I don’t always understand it. My adage is “Say what you mean, mean what you say.” It can be scary and unsettling to someone who trusts so deeply, as myself.

I was catfished about 8 years ago by a lovely man I actually had a relationship with. Now how could I say he was lovely. Well, aside from the lying about his name and career and how many women he had, we had a odd close relationship. I met him monthly or so for some play time and he was a caring and kind man. I spoke to him nightly. Just about every night. He was attentive and loving. Problem was he was also attentive and loving to a WHOLE LOT of women, which would have been okay if I had known. How did I find this out? Long, very sad story, in which I happened to know his password to his email and I had a very intuitive suspicion he died. I hunted the obituaries and found his real name and picture. So to be a good little submissive, I went into his email and found all of the women clammering to speak to “him.” I immediately told them the situation, and was welcomed by some, and others said I was him and lying to get rid of them. I showed them the obituary and they still didn’t believe me. Mind boggling. I was his good girl until the end. I was loyal, even through my broken heart. I snapped out of my severe sadness rather quickly and then simply felt foolish. How could I have let all of the red flags go. How could I have just blindly trusted this man without knowing anything about him but his touch?

Deep sigh, I was a victim of his catfishing and also of being foolish. I knew in my heart he wasn’t who he said he was. I knew he was lying. I am a kind and trusting soul. I love hard and deep and that wasn’t the first time I was duped. It left me clammering for some sanity. I stayed away from online dominants for months. I became a hermit. I needed to reevaluate my need for BDSM and its lure to me.

In time I got over the shock and peeked out from under my shell. I reconnected with a Dominant I had known who was famous for ghosting me. Now you see them, not you don’t. But he swore to me he could never do that again. He lied. So I won’t go into that story, it’s so lame of me to trust again. It was at that time that I met my Daddy. I said to myself, “It’s just for fun, he will break your heart like all the rest so just have fun. Light and fluffy fun. Don’t you dare fall in love with that man, girl! Don’t get bogged down by him. You can’t be loved the way you need to be.” I blamed me.-for it all. I blamed me. My stupidity, my eagerness, my down right trusting immaturity, my own lack of seeing those huge, giant, red flags. Stupid old me.

Well, I did fall in love, but I was cautious this time. I got to know him and showed him me slowly. And although I knew the moment I met him I was in trouble, I knew I would love him one day, I took it slowly. I became friends, I had fun, I went to lunch, I met for a few hours without any kinky playtime. I got to know him, and better still he got to know me. He got to know who I was for real. It took time. It took trust, it took some arguing and some speaking up about things he didn’t like and I didn’t like. We actually got to know each other! Like real, human beings! How novel an idea!

So when online, do yourself a favor. People aren’t real until you meet them, and even then, find out all you can about them. Search their name on the web, see if they are who they say they are, see if you can see them in the work place for lunch. Are they who they say they are? Or are they simply a figment of their own imagination.

Beware, but don’t become callous, don’t become hardened, don’t become angry and bitter. Life is too short and sometimes, you need to open your heart one more time. One more time, with your eyes wide open and walking ahead slowly.

I am honored to be Daddy’s submissive and best friend and lover. It’s a priviledge and a joy in my heart.

Thank you Daddy, for seeing inside of me and knowing that I am exactly who I say I am! I know you are exactly who you say you are as well.

Kiss and hugs,

Sugar

A Daddy is a Daddy Forever

I have read a lot of things about Daddy Doms. I have read about what they are like, what they expect of their babygirls, some of the characterizations of a daddy. I have written about my relationship with my daddy. He has written about some of the trials and tribulations of having a little as a submissive. I have read all about Daddies and what I read tonight said it best. It was amazing to realize it. And I could not have said it better. Paraphrasing now: A Dominant is as long as a Dominant is wanted. A Master is as long as a Master while Mastery is wanted. But a Daddy is a Daddy to his baby girl forever. You do not ever enter a Daddy/babygirl relationship lightly. It’s not something you do on a whim. If you are a Daddy or a babygirl, choose wisely. Make your choices seriously. I know it’s a lot of fun and games in the beginning, but as Daddy has written, it’s like a pencil, sometimes it gets dull and annoying.

My Daddy named my little. She’s his. One hundred percent his. He identified her age, He did not however make her that age. He didn’t change her in anyway. He identified her. He made her real. Much like the Velveteen Rabbit. She became real from being loved and known, I have other sides to me besides my little. I am a mommy and a vanilla grow ass adult. I work, have kids, I function as a normal woman. I have a master’s degree, I’m not mentally ill. I have a masochistic side and a need to be cuddled as well. I have had issues, I probably always will, but the fact remains I am not unlike many people on this earth with a little inside of them who just don’t have them identified! We all know that person who sometimes is like a 16 year old. Maybe, they just have a little inside of them. Maybe they haven’t truly grown up. I don’t know, but I know that if you find yourself with a little, it’s very difficult  to let them go.

A Little is a little forever, but not all the time. Translation, she is not always her little self. She can have many roles in her life. She is many things to many people but to her, her Daddy is her Daddy forever.

Daddy always tells me that, but until I read it, it didn’t truly make any sense. Now I see so clearly what he meant.

So if you are a Daddy or a Mommy Dom/me, choose well but understand, you don’t toss away a baby girl/boy. You keep them and help them and accept them for who they are. Guide them and nurture them . They are yours. Forever and a Day.

Daddy, I am yours, always and forever. I am one of the lucky ones. I have my forever Daddy.

My love and devotion,

Sugar (and Sophie!)

Gifts of the Heart

Not all gifts are of the kind you can buy. I have known that for a long time. A good dominant will give you things that you can’t buy and can’t do for yourself. He can make you feel special, he can make you feel important to him. You can have very good self-esteem, but when someone makes you feel  special. It’s like a special dessert on top of the very scrumptious meal.

Some submissives thrive on humiliation, I’m not one of them. I have plenty of that in my life. Most of us do. I have a dominant who thrives on lifting me up, not putting me down. He has enough self-esteem that he doesn’t need to make me look and feel smaller to make himself feel better. I, in turn, love to please him more. (Not meant to be a judgement on those who love humiliation) I want the best for him and that includes me. We are always trying to improve our relationship and ourselves.

Some of my gifts to him are protecting him or trying to do that. It isn’t an easy job and believe me I get into trouble doing it. I love nurturing him as much as he loves nurturing me. What I believe some people miss totally is that a dominant is not out to just meet his own needs. He’s out to take care of and nurture his submissive. I simply can’t tell you how wonderful that feels.

I allow him to vent to me-about life, about his kids, about his other relationships. About anything truthfully. We are each other’s best friends. We feel like a very worn and comfy pair of jeans. That is not to say either of us take for granted what we have. We do not. He is very cognizant of my needs and what is good for me, what I can handle and what I can not. If I don’t think I can handle x, y, z, I tell him, either when he tells me or when I have had time to process that information. Once again a recurrent theme in all of my blogs is communication. I allow him to communicate with me. I try hard not to become upset about what he is whats to do or he is feeling. Am I always successful? Hardly, but I do not run. I don’t hide, I don’t retreat, I don’t become vengeful. I simply talk about it or vent back to him or accept that this is something that is important to him.

There is a whole lot of love between us, and we do share that love. It’s a very intimate moment when we do that. There is a look, a touch, a smile that is our unspoken connection that is often just incredible to witness. We are one, in our hearts and souls.

I simply adore you Daddy, and I know that I am loved and cared for in my life. I can smile and grin, knowing I am yours.

My love and devotion,

Sugar

What a Dominant is Not (and some things he should be as well)

Screen Shot 2018-07-08 at 11.05.28 AM.pngGuess what? He’s not perfect! He makes mistakes. He’s not going to save you from yourself. He’s not going to make your life perfect. You will still have to do the same things you have always had to do. You’ll go to work, clean, take care of your family, do chores, go shopping, and even, get mad at him. You will have to learn that he is flawed. Yep, that’s right, he’s flawed, and yes, he doesn’t like to admit it. Not at all. When he makes a mistake, he will try his damnedest to give you a “reason” why it happened. Stand up to him. It’s okay. You can be strong. If he is to trust you, and not treat you as a doormat, you have to stand up to him, but… be respectful. Tell him you’re hurt, why you’re hurt and explain that he’s better than that. Make him feel like his mistake was just that, a mistake, not a life sentence, not punishable by death. Let him live it down. Let him keep his dominance, and right his wrong. A good Dominant will admit his wrongdoings, a great one will fix them. Give him space. It may take a while for him to admit he made a mistake. Be gracious in accepting his apology or admittance of wrongdoing. Talk to him about why he did x, y, z. He may have a reason, he may not but whatever happens, allow him to have dignity.

He’s not going to save you from yourself. He can’t save you from your own insecurities. He can’t make you suddenly perfect. He can’t change the way you feel about yourself. He can tell you a hundred times what he feels about you, but if you don’t believe in your worth- guess what?  You will still not believe him-not even the 110th time. You need to work on you. Be the best you, you can be. He will take care of being the best him he can be. He can’t make you change how you feel about him. Right or wrong, he will always lead you and care for you, but he can’t truly change you. One person can do that and only one. YOU! He can, however, give you structure. He can give you consistency and lead you to put together a plan that you may need to change something you’re not happy with your life. Maybe you want to lose weight or start working out. He can give you an incentive or punishment to help you get started and stay on track. Maybe, you want to learn how to cook his favorite pie, or breakfast. He can show you or find you a recipe for it.

Dominants are not Gods, they are people. They like to lead, they may or may not be sadists, but they are real, breathing people. They have the same issues we all do. They have worries, and fears of the unknown. They need your support in their endeavors. Dominants are amazing when they are focused. You can help them maintain that focus. Notice I didn’t say nag. Nagging isn’t at all what they need. That’s annoying and truly not submissive like at all. I have tried to help my Daddy stay in touch with family. I set reminders on my calendar to ask him if he has called his sister lately. Then he’s in control of it, not me. It’s in the wording of what you say and the intonation. Am I perfect? Do I make mistakes and say all the wrong things, and all the wrong ways? Hell, yes! More than I care to admit. Daddy doesn’t let me go on those big things. he will call me on the BS. (as well as I will call him on his!)

I am one of the luckiest submissives alive. I have a daddy who will admit his mistakes. Maybe not immediately, and maybe he won’t like swallowing that bitter pill, but eventually, he will admit his mistakes. I have communicated that if I know he understands why I am upset and can acknowledge what role he played in my being upset, I will be able to drop the whole thing and move on. Life is easier for all of us. In reverse, I can’t blame him for my shortcomings. I must ask his forgivness and try hard not to recreate my wrongs.

I am not perfect, he is not perfect either, but together we can be perfect for each other. I love you daddy and each and every day I thank God and the heavens above for allowing me to find a man who can help me, lead me, and bring out the best in my, and never my worst.

My heart is yours, my love is eternal.

Hugs and Kisses,

Sugar

The Bond

This is yet another entry about the bond that Is necessary in a D/s relationship. There are no other words to describe it except a bond. Like epoxy glue, or cement, you can’t pull apart that bond without damaging the original item. You can no more pull us apart then you can come rip a rock in half. It’s not to say you can’t damage a rock, but it would take some work.

This bond has grown. Grown from a tiny seedling into a giant oak tree. It grew from honesty, trust, communication, kindness, compassion, desire, attraction, empathy, meeting each other’s needs, and so many things. Our bond is like a brilliant diamond sparkling in the love we have formed. Unselfish love, slowly being formed into what we have today. It took time and lots of it. It took a grand heap of patience. It took falling very, very slowly in love.

I know that our bond is breakable. Everything is breakable. But it’s not advantageous to either of us to break it. It would leave us both changed for the worse. It would leave rough edges where synchronicity once was so evident. It would leave us hardened and distrusting. If I hurt Daddy, I would hurt myself, if Daddy hurt me, he would hurt more. Not many can truly understand our bond. And many have tried to come between us. It’s actually funny. Women tell him all kinds of things. How they can be better for him. How they can please him more. How they are different in a better way for him. It’s all rather funny and silly. They don’t imagine he tells me anything. He tells me everything. He shows me what I mean to him. He conveys how he feels about those women to me. What he likes, dislikes, what attracts him, what repels him.

Take your time to understand us. Then see how you feel about us. Don’t jump head first thinking you are inseparable to us. You may be in time. But it takes a long time to get to where we are today. Years. And lots of trust, a fountain of honesty and the ability to communicate what you desire and need. Over communication, keeping those flood gates open. Make sure we are all on the same page. And for everyone’s sake keep the drama negligible. Dear Lord, keep that for yourself and those who feed off of it. We despise it and it’s like insect repellent to us.

I love you Daddy, and I know that I am yours and you are mine. Till death do us part. My last breath will be “Goodbye, Daddy. Or Hello, Daddy in heaven. ”

My heart and soul are yours. And yours are mine.

Love you,

Sugar