Is Submission a Gift? (Or Is It Who We Are?)

I have thought long and hard about answering this question. Is my submission to daddy a gift to him or is it who I am? I would have to say in my own personal experience, it’s who I am. My submissive nature is here, regardless if I have a daddy or if I have my daddy or if I have no daddy. I am always trying to make people happy; at work, at home, my friends, my family, my sister, Kitty and most of all my daddy. So for me personally, I have to say, it is simply who I am, but it is something that pleases my Daddy as well. I am his submissive and I am his submissive because I am Submissive. So for me, it’s just who I am, but it makes me a good fit for Daddy. It allows me to serve him, feel fulfilled and please him.

I know it’s not that way for everyone. So I think it’s definitely a personal thing. I believe some submissives are not just interested in pleasing everyone, (which is impossible, anyway and not something I recommend for anyone to try!)  Now, that being said I do believe that the levels of submission are also different for everyone.  I am sure that each and every submissive is different. We have certain similarities, or desires, but the intensity of our submission maybe different. Everyone has differnt limits and different ideas about what submission is. I look at submission as something I do for me, as much as for my Daddy. I don’t feel complete if I am not serving some need of Daddys. I feel lost if he is not happy and I am not pleasing him in some way. My way of serving is what he desires, so my submission is truly for Daddy and for his pleasure.

That being said, my submission is not your submission. Your dominant or potential dominant may not agree with my form of serving. He may desire something I cannot possibly give him. We all have to find our perfect match. I once heard there is a “lid for every pot.” I believe if you look hard enough you will find your perfect match. It may take time. Most of all it will take you understanding yourself and how you desire to serve. Before you even look for a submissive or a dominant, you have to know how you desire to serve them or have them serve you. You have to know who you are first.

Kitty and I, both serve Daddy. We are quite different in our submissive ways. It doesn’t mean I am right and she is wrong or she is right and I am wrong. What is important is we both meet Daddy’s needs. And we meet those needs as best we can. So when we don’t do that to the best of our own unique abilities, we feel like we have let him down. That is when I am at my worst; when I have let Daddy down in any way. I simply feel out of sync with the world and most of all within myself.

So when you are wondering if it is a gift to submit, I believe it depends on you. Daddy may see my submission as a gift to him, but indintbthink if it as a true gift from me. It is simply who I am. It is a gift of the universe or heaven’s above that we happen to match each other’s Dominant and submissive needs. I am his submissive and he is my Daddy Dom. So Daddy gives me the gift of his dominance and I respond with my submission. He is my ying. I am his yang.Screen Shot 2017-09-26 at 10.18.42 PM One is not truly complete without the other. It is our special bond and it’s obvious to anyone who knows us. It’s our very special, very unusual relationship.

I love you, Daddy, I love our special bond. It’s my privilege to be able to serve the one man I think is worthy of my submission. I can’t think of a better man or one who deserves to be loved as much as my Daddy. And I do love you with all my heart.

I Love you, always and forever,

Sugar

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Throwback Thursday- Help I May Be a Submissive -Further Tips (Original post from July 2, 2015)

So now we have established you are a sub and you want to move toward finding a Dom.  I would think you have taken some time to really think through your internal dialogue and completed your internal needs analysis. I would hope by now you have a clear vision of what you will tolerate and what you will not.  What you want to learn and what you don’t. Now comes the next piece of the puzzle.

The investigation of finding your Dom.

Have a clear perspective of expectations:

There is no National institution of Dom’s.  There is no formal/official Dom hand book of behavior or misbehavior.  There is, however, a consensus amongst Dom’s of how they should behave and not behave in certain situations.  I cannot list all the good and bad behavior on this blog.  There are, however, two hard and fast rule that any man/women who call themselves a Dom holds firm to. That is the use of the “safe word” and “aftercare”. The safe word is a word chosen as a “safety stop”. The word can be anything but once spoken the “scene” or activity stops immediately. “There is never any shame or feeling of letting your Dom down” If you ever feel an internal panic, press the stop button and reset. The second is “aftercare”, this is the comfort a Dom gives his subs after any intensive “scene”. There is a clear expectation in the “lifestyle” that the Dom has the responsibility to take emotional/physical care of his/her sub.  One must discuss what happened, in the scene and give comfort and guidance to his/her submissive. Care should be taken to talk about what happened and how everybody feels.

I would not presume to be all knowing of the Dom world, but there are lots different types of Doms that you might run into. I would, however, recommend you read some Dom material and then read some more.  There is a plethora of really good material and viewing some threads on Fetlife may also can bring some great value.  I would highly recommend not to answer any threads, but be a fly on the wall look and learn.  Develop an idea in your mind of the type of man/women that match your desires and needs.  There must never be a next step if you don’t finish your internal needs analysis.

There is one last piece of advice in this section and that is to find a Submissive mentor. Look at Fetlife or other social media site and find a submissive mentor using all the qualifying info already laid out in the blog. The mentor should have an active Dom and have more than 5 years of lifestyle experience.  The mentor should match as close as possible your needs and desires.  The things you want to be trained on should also match the things in your mentor’s life that she has also been trained on.

BDSM- The Last Hidden Taboo

Screen Shot 2017-09-20 at 1.29.40 AMNow I know what you’re thinking, I am not hidden. I have a group of kinky friends. I am true to myself. Well, if that’s you, you’re in the minority. Kinky people don’t like to be outted. It’s okay finally to be Gay, Transgendered, Bisexual, and it’s even okay to be obese, but KINKY? Not so much. In society, we can look at all types of people in relationships. I work with a lot of younger people. Many are gay, some are transgendered. No one is Kinky, or at least they aren’t out! That is simply impossible. I don’t know and probably will never know what the ratio of kinky people is to a hundred. Is it one in a hundred?According to Joe Magliano, Ph.D. his article states that it’s anywhere between 2 to 62 percent. Okay, seriously, 2-62%. We just don’t want to admit our love of kinky sex, let alone being in a Dominant/submissive relationship. So researchers can’t tell, how are everyday people supposed to know?

I do know, it’s as hidden from society as it was to be gay in 1940. We don’t go home and tell mom “Hey mom, I liked to be spanked” “Hey dad, I’m poly and I have a  Dominant and a sister submissive and we all sleep together.” We just don’t see people saying “Oh my bruises, aren’t they adorable? They remind me of my lover and I think they are beautiful,” to the secretary at my son’s school. Nope, we are hiding all of that. Hell, I tell my best friends nearly everything, but I haven’t told them that I love being spanked with Daddy’s belt or even that I call him Daddy! Nope, they would be asking if I’ve seen a mental health professional.

We, as a society, simply do not accept BDSM as a way of life that is acceptable. Now, that being said, it’s becoming much more acceptable to have some kinky bedroom play, but let’s be honest, light spanking over someone’s knee, or some kinky toys, a blindfold or two is fine, but put me on a St. Andrew’s Cross and flogged till I am black and blue? Not so much. It’s very unacceptable to have a man put bruises on a woman. It’s considered abuse and anyone in the BDSM community know it’s the farthest thing from abuse. I have been physically abused. It’s nothing like that feeling of shame and depression that ensues.

I don’t have any answers to say “It’s okay to be kinky guys! Come out, come out where ever you are! ” Nope, I’m not throwing stones, I’m simply stating we are the last of the closet people. We hear jokes about BDSM and snicker. We don’t say a word. We don’t discuss it at PTA meetings. We are quiet and we secretly go home and smile. We do know it’s an awesome way of life. We are happy. We have a bond with our dominants that can’t be rivaled by the most romantic man on earth. We love deeper, we communicate better, we are unrivaled in the trust department. If we aren’t? We are with the wrong Dominant or submissive.

So I have to say, I don’t care who I don’t come out to, I do know I love my kinky life. I love being a babygirl to Daddy. I love being a sister to Kitty. I love my life. I don’t care if it’s a secret one.  I care about my ‘family.’ I care about making them happy. I don’t care about who knows or doesn’t know. So I’ll smile at the jokes and continue to drool over the sound of Daddy saying “good girl.”  I will not lead the charge of equal rights for kinksters. I will respect everyone’s safety.

I love you Daddy and I may slip and call you Daddy in a restaurant, but I would never hurt you or Kitty in any way in your personal life. I always know that we have that bond that no one can penetrate. I will grin, a wicked little grin.  It’s delicious and loving and wonderful.

I love you both with all my heart,

Sugar

The Subtle, but Distinct Way a D/s Relationship is Different Than Vanilla One

Screen Shot 2017-09-19 at 12.00.53 AMWhat makes any relationship a good one? I know there are many things that contribute to a good relationship. Some are basic chemistry, some are similar interests, some are easy, some are very difficult. One thing that sounds easy but can be difficult is good communication. Not the superficial communication that is so very common, the deeper level of communication that allows you to bring up any topic. I mean anything. Those dark thoughts you are embarrassed about, that silly thing that happened (possibly 40 years ago) that causes you to cry, the irrational fear that you have deep-seated within you. All those things you think at times you are so afraid to verbalize. A good dominant will always encourage you to be able to talk to him about anything. The reverse is also true. You, as his trusted submissive, will be able to have him tell you his deepest desires and fears. This is the crux of any good relationship, but it’s the most important part of a D/s one. If something is bothering me or my sister, it’s always okay to voice our concerns to Daddy. it’s never an inconvienence. Daddy may not always agree with us, and we may not always like the outcome of the conversation but we are never made to feel like we shouldn’t have brought it up.

Most relationships need some semblance of consistency. A submissive cannot exist without it, nor can a dominant. It is imperative that this relationship has its roles and protocols as consistent as possible. There are more rules and a deeper sense of respect in a D/s relationship. I know I am never to be disrespectful. I also know that if Daddy tells me he’s going to do something, he does it. So I, in turn also pay attention and do what I have promised. It’s a relationship based on consistency and respect. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be in a D/s relationship without a dominant that is consistent. He expects certain things from us and he deserves to get them. We expect his time and attention to us and we always get that as well. Our commitment to each other is consistent. No matter what happens, we know we can rely on each other.

Another necessary thing for a D/s relationship is trust. Without trust, there can be no D/s relationship. You must always trust that your partner will have your best interest at heart. Always. Not when it’s convenient or he thinks about it, or you decide you have a few extra minutes, always. Then there is remembering that he has your best interest at heart. It’s all about the trust. Once that is established, once that is engrained in your mind, most of the everyday drama starts to subside. It lessens dramatically. You can go to the communication and ask a difficult question because you know you can trust you won’t be belittled or scolded. I think I’ve asked the same types of questions 100 times and never has daddy gotten angry at me. I’ve been insecure and scared many times. Never has he gotten angry at that. Now when I am disrespectful, he will get angry. But for me, that anger is never abusive. It’s never directed to hurt or belittle my feelings. He brings back the conversation to trust.

Another important thing in a D/s relationship is the correlation of words and actions. Many times people say a lot of things. They tell you all types of things, you believe them until you stop and think. their actions say something totally different. In a D/s relationship that is something that is not acceptable. You need to trust and see the consistency of their words and actions. You are starting to see a pattern, where the things you need in a D/s relationship are intertwined. They can’t live separately without each other. The communication, consistency, trust, and alignment of words and actions are woven like threads into fabric. Take one of the threads out of the fabric, the entire cloth disintegrates.

So when you look at vanilla and D/s relationships, the same basic principals are needed to maintain a loving relationship, but in D/s relationship, it is intensified. It’s amplified or magnified to a higher level. There isn’t a real difference in what it takes, it’s in the amount that it takes. It’s imperative in a D/s relationship that you follow the ‘rules’ of your relationship.

I am one of the lucky women who has a kind, caring daddy who does his best to keep the lines of communication open, who encourages us to let him know if he’s not consistent, who demands a level of trust and whose words and actions match whenever humanly possible. He is not perfect, I am not perfect either. We are very unsettled when we have discord in our relationship of any kind. We don’t sleep well, we don’t feel in sync. Our symbiotic relationship seems out of whack. Luckily, it doesn’t happen all that often. It is happening even less frequently these days with less intensity. We are always growing. Isn’t that the way all great relationships should look? I believe that with all my heart.

I love you, Daddy, with my heart and soul. I enjoy all of our laughter, our banter. Our relationship is solid and secure. You have made me a very happy little submissive babygirl.

All my love,

Sugar

 

 

 

 

 

Flashback Friday! Help Me I Think I May Be a Submissive (originally posted June 29, 2015)

Let me guess, you have read all the 50 Shades books and even seen the movie 10 times.  I know you keep having strange, disturbing, recurring, and intense dreams of a strong, masterful man having his dirty way with you.

Maybe he/she tears off your clothes and takes you hard. Maybe they throw you over their knee and give you a long, hard spanking with their belt. I wonder will they tie you naked and spread-eagle you on their bed and take you like you have never been taken before. Perhaps they will put a dog collar around your neck and order you to kneel at their feet.

Now have these fantasies become an everyday thing.  Do they consume your day, when you are at the water cooler or perhaps you are in the store?   Do you masturbate thinking about how badly you need it?  Have you looked through fetlife or collarspace searching for your Mr. Grey/Ms Grey?  Does the missionary position your husband, boyfriend or girlfriend do to you just not get it done any more?There has to be a fear in you, that if you mention these fantasies you may get you beaten, raped or robbed.

If you have any of these feelings, it may be that you are a submissive.  It also may be because your enamored with the erotica side of the feeling. I would suggest if you have persistent deep inner feelings of serving a strong man/women, you are indeed a submissive.  If you have had these feelings since childhood, indeed you are a sub.

Now we have established a need and the desire, now for the good news.  There is a way for you to pursue your deepest darkest fantasy’s in a safe secure manner.  It is possible for you to find a good decent man/women who can connect with you in a none abusive way.  A man/women who can share in your need and is able to direct you and bond in a way no other person can.  There is also a good chance this man/women will be a long term partner, that you will fall in love and it last a long time.

Now for the bad news, there is no sure fire way to find that “Mr/Ms. right” There are so many really bad/ugly people in the lifestyle. There is no magic pill that you can give to a man to find out if He/She is a good Dom or just a Guy/Girl who tied up his girlfriend/boyfriend when he/she was 20.  Men/women will claim they have all kinds of experience in the lifestyle.  It can be really difficult for a new Submissive to tell the difference between a wonderful caring Dom and a dangerous vengeful abusive one.  I warn you getting involved with such a person could damage you both emotionally and physically forever.  Such a person can ruin your personal and business life, leaving you devastated forever.

I will in the next few writings lay out some tips I would suggest you follow to minimize the damage and sort through the wheat from the chaff.

Tip 1

Prepare yourself emotionally and physically for your hunt.  This is not a sprint but a long hard endurance race.  Have clear rules of engagement for your first date.  Be clear with on what you want, what you expect and what you will and what you will not accept.  Do your internal homework before you ever set out to find your suitor.  I will go through some other tips on my next Blog.

Three Years Later…

This is my celebration post to my Daddy. The 16th of September marks three years since we first met. If there were ever two people who were not supposed to meet at all it would be Daddy and me. There wasn’t a reason we met, except the stars aligned, and someone divine took pity on us. I know that sounds very melodramatic, but in reality, it was nothing less than a near miracle. We met on a kinky site known for wanna be doms and subs and my profile had nothing on it. Seriously, it was blank. Daddy had his picture on it (he’s very handsome)  and I can’t remember what he had written on it but the email he sent me was short and I almost didn’t respond back. I really wasn’t interested in much of a serious relationship. I just wanted something casual, and light. I was giving up on finding anyone who could touch my soul and enrich my life. It wasn’t going to happen. I had been through so many fake doms and wanna be’s trying to get laid, I could write a phone book. Some seemed nice but were just not my type. Some were my type but were just not invested in my best interest. Some were toothless, (for real) some were dirty (physically gross), some were very nice, some were abusive, some were just not suited for me. And some lied so badly to me, they broke my heart. So all in all, I had little hope this could be something life changing. 

We talked on email and text for around 2 weeks, then we met for a drink in a very public place. I know I’ve stated this before but I saw him walking before he saw me. I sighed. I knew I was in trouble. I could “feel” him. I could see something different in him. My mind said, “Oh fuck, I’m in trouble now.” And we hadn’t even spoken to each other in person yet. We sat, talked and we actually argued. I told him about himself and he rolled his eyes at me. I knew things about him I shouldn’t. I felt his heart, I could feel what he felt.  I told him that and he thought I was crazy. To say it was a strange meeting and the most unusual “first meeting” I’d ever had in my life is an understatement.

Somehow I knew I had to make him happy. I was driven. Not out of pity or feeling sorry for him, out of respect and love. We moved slowly. Very slowly. We didn’t immediately go into BDSM kinky sex, we learned about each other. We talked, on the phone, in text. We met for breakfast and lunch. We talked about our dreams and expectations. I knew I wasn’t his exact “type” of woman. I had no real hope of him ever loving me. It didn’t matter, I knew I would love him regardless. He didn’t have to love me back. I would do anything for this man. He asked me to call him Daddy, and I was thrilled. I knew he was a Daddy Dom. It made me happy.

Slowly and surely, he discovered Sophie, and he named her. I remember how happy I was when I first got to tell him I loved him. I remember being on the phone and saying “I love you, Daddy.” He asked me to tell him that each time we spoke. If I forgot, he said, “Did you forget something?” I knew he didn’t love me, yet. I didn’t much care. He was good for me. Consistent and kind, still always keeping my best interest at heart. He was everything I knew a domanant man should be.

We grew to respect and trust each other daily. I kept all my promises and he kept his. He knew he could trust me with anything in his life. There were no lies or hidden secrets after the first few months. He and I were open books. It was a joy to see him each time we met.

Fast forward to today. He tells me daily he loves me and I do the same. We are each other’s best friends, lovers. He is my Daddy and I am his babygirl. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for him and he for me. We are not perfect people, we make mistakes, we are real people. The one thing I know is we are growing. We have so much more  to learn, more to experience with each other. If there is something I’d like to experience, I tell him, he makes it happen. Same with me, if he wants to try or do something, he asks me and I do whatever I can to make it happen.

I just want to say Happy Anniversary to the man whom I would cross mountains for, lasso the moon and the stars for. I have found my soulmate, my friend, my Daddy and the love of my life. My life has changed dramatically for the better. I believe his life has as well. I know that we both have someone who we can rely on. Someone who always has our best interest at heart. Someone whom we can love unconditionally. He and I are not perfect people, by any means, but we are perfect for each other.

Have a wonderful day Daddy and remember I am yours… I love you always and forever. I was blessed the day we met. Someone above loves me.

My heart is yours,

I love you bigger than the whole wide world,

Sugar

 What’s My Job?

So now we have a dominant man and a submissive woman (substitute any genders here) in a D/s relationship and anyone new could be thinking “okay what do I do now.” Just like when you start a new job, you are baffled and confused as to what your role should be. You don’t know how to do it and can’t figure out “the ropes” (pun intended.) So first and foremost, you have to have a dominant with a vision, a goal, and an understanding of what it is he wants. That vision must include the basic foundation of what is best for my submissive. What will strengthen our bond? What will improve her self-esteem? What will make her a better person? How can I help her become the woman I know she is capable of? What are the first steps to achieve this?

Hopefully, these answers come easily, even if they make you think hard. Why? Because if you can’t answer these questions easily, you may need to back up and start slower, start getting those answers before you consider being in a Dominant/submissive relationship. Take the time to know and understand each other first. It may seem like you’re being a turtle not getting to the finish line, but in reality, you’re honing your relationship to make it an easy transition. Think of it as a vacation airplane ride, sometimes you have to take a jumper plane first, then the jet to get there faster.

Now just because as the Dominant, you have a lot of responsibilities,  your submissive also has a bushel full. Submissives, your first job is weeding out the abusers, the wanna get-laid make-pretend doms, the ones who just aren’t compatible with you and the downright idiots whom you can’t possibly follow. Then you have to decide exactly what your hard limits are, your soft limits are and where you’d be comfortable starting. After that you need to do these things, Participate, Practice, Proactive, and Pay attention. Of the utmost importance is pay attention. I can’t stress that enough. PAY ATTENTION! If you are a good submissive, you will start out obeying orders. If you are a better one, you’ll do those orders without being told. A stellar submissive is one that anticipates her Doms wishes because she has paid attention. Practice paying attention, participate in his life know his likes and dislikes, be proactive in meeting his needs.

Both of you need to know that a BDSM relationship may not be the same as a D/s relationship.   A BDSM relationship could be as simple as being a top or a bottom at a play party. A D/s relationship is always much more than that. I am not saying one is better or worse than the other. One is definitely harder than the other though. It takes an abundance of work for both parties to have a successful D/s relationship, where the top/bottom may be more fun and enjoyable. Think of it as instant gratification vs long term joy, (at least for me.) You may not want the work a D/s relationship takes, or can’t do that for a million different reasons, that’s all fine. I have a deep desire to please and serve in the best way possible so being a bottom isn’t necessarily the answer for me.

One of the absolute most important things a Dom/sub must do for each other is to protect each other, at all costs. A D/s relationship is very fragile, think thin fine crystal. A few hard blows to that protection, and it’s irreplaceable. It is this protection and trust that bond you together. It keeps you grounded and able to weather a storm. Make sure that the communication, we talk about so much, is open and honest. It’s also one of the hardest things about D/s. it sounds easy but it’s far from it. It does work very effectively to glue you to your partner.

When Daddy and I began, it was a slow process, he taught me (and continues to teach me,) patience and that he has my best interest at heart. (Submissives, as a whole, are not known for their patience.) I taught him what true intimacy looked like, and what a deep rooted submissive resembles. I taught him that we are not always going to be perfect, that we make mistakes, that we are sensitive creatures with deep feelings. He’s the most kind, loving man I know and he continues to surprise me with his patience and love. We continue to grow and evolve into what makes him happy, which in turn makes me happy. I believe that we will continue this process of growth for many, many years to come. Our symbiotic relationship is one of much pleasure and joy, but as I have said many times, it takes work. It’s not always easy, but it is always worth it.

Thank you, Daddy, for showing me that I am yours and I have value in your life. I am your babygirl.

I love you, bigger than the whole wide world,

Sugar

 

Big Thanks!

I would love to say a BIG THANKS, to Kayla Lords from Loving BDSM Podcast fame for allowing me to be a guest blogger on her site, Kayla Lords, A Sexual Being. I enjoyed writing the article “Thoughts of an Aging Submissive Babygirl” for her and I hope she enjoyed reading it a quarter as much as I love reading her and John Brownstone’s Blogs. For some REALLY fabulous writings on BDSM and D/s relationships. Check them out here:

http://kaylalords.com/

http://southernsirsplace.com/

http://Lovingbdsm.Kaylalords.com

You can also find them on Fetlife.com/lovingbdsmpc

You will find a wealth of information and some awesome real people and much knowledge. This is a no BS couple, who live the lifestyle 24/7, yet don’t judge anyone’s kinks!

Please let me know how you liked the readings. I think they are awesome!!!
Thanks again, Kayla!

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

Sugar

Throwback Thursday- The Sheer Power of Knowing (Originally Posted Sept. 4, 2015)

 

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What is it I know, you may be wondering? I know that I have a family. I have a daddy who is always there for me. One who can’t sleep until he knows my sister and I are safe. A dominant who won’t let me down on purpose. He is incapable of trying to hurt me. He keeps his word, not some of the time, all of the time. There is never a problem with communication. He won’t disappear, he doesn’t just vanish for a few hours or days or heaven forbid weeks. There aren’t any questions about how he feels about me or my sister, one only needs to know the three of us to know how we all feel about each other. There isn’t any lack of communication, we talk daily and about anything and everything. I may ask him anything, and I often do. If I feel unsure, I ask a question. If I am sad or think  I hurt him, I ask a question. There aren’t any miscommunications because WE DO communicate – always and often! I know without a shadow of a doubt, I matter to him and to my sister. He won’t ever just pack up and leave me or my sister. (It’s happened before several times to me.)

I know I have a sister. One who will tell me what her fears and desires are. One who I can trust when I need to vent about anything. One who’s heart is big and her walls are crumbling. We take care of each other and our Daddy. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her, nor her for me. She is my sister. I will be there for her just as I will be there for Daddy. She will also be there for me. Of that, I have no doubts.

This is not about sex or kink, it’s about people. It’s about feelings. It’s about being secure in knowing how we are cared for, wanted, and desired. It’s about respect, to know that all of our opinions matter. It’s about trust, so much about trust. The deeper we go, the more we trust. I realized tonight, if any of us were to hurt one another, it would hurt them also. It’s a symbiotic relationship. We feed off of our energy, our needs, our trust. It’s about leadership, the man who takes time to really know what we need, not necessarily want, but need. It’s about what he needs, and how we provide him with those emotions, feelings, desires. I can not stress enough that in order to successfully carry out any polyamorous relationship, you need Trust, Communication, and Respect. We have that for each other. It’s also about knowing that sometimes it’s not possible to be ALL together. Sometimes we have to be a partner. Kitty and I, Daddy and I, Kitty and Daddy, it simply doesn’t matter. We do the best we can with the time we can.

This is about family – being a family, caring for each other as a family. I won’t ever say we’ve never had a disagreement. We have. We have, however, resolved any issues simply by being open, respectful, communicating and trusting each other. It’s not all on Daddy’s shoulders, we get to help him. It’s not a man barking orders at us or demanding minutia. There is never a time I can’t say to him, why do you want me to________.  (fill in the blank) He will gladly explain any and all requests. This is about knowing that in our own personal insane world, we have each other. Heaven forbid, we have an emergency or an issue and we don’t lean on each other. That makes us angry, especially Daddy.

I wish everyone on earth could experience what we have put together as a family. A true sense of unconditional love and respect. It’s not for everyone, but it sure is for me. Kitty and Daddy are my heart. They make the sun rise and the moon shine. No matter how far away, they are with me. I know they will be smiling when they read this. They will understand. We hold each other’s hearts deep in our own, in a place that only we can be touched by each other. It wasn’t over night this happened. It took time, patience and a desire to overcome any adversities. We have to protect our hearts, for they are connected now. We can’t allow them to be broken or all of our hearts will be broken.

I love my family. And they love me. That’s all I need to know. I know it’s all they need to know also. It’s the sheer power of knowing.

Smooches and Hugs,

Sugar

 

P.S. I will miss you, daddy when you’re away. I never like seeing you leave us for any length of time. I wish we could all be with you. My heart aches to see you sooner rather than later. Sugar 9.7.17

Throw-Back Thursday! Dominance vs Domineering (originally posted June 2015)

Lily saying.jpgSo if you are vanilla (and not knowledgeable of BDSM) and wondering about the difference between dominance and domineering, it’s rather simple. A domineering man tells you what to do and makes you do it because he wants you to do as he says. He doesn’t lead you, he barks orders at you in order to make himself feel like he’s in charge. He’s not. He’s trying to feel better about himself and needs to assert himself onto you. He may abuse mentally, emotionally and physically. You may even confuse it as a dominant man. You may think he’s being macho (sigh), you may think he is trying to lead. He’s not. If you feel bad about yourself, it’s not dominance. It’s abuse.
Dominant men never leave you feeling bad about yourself. Dominant men lead. They take into consideration what is best for you. Correction- not into consideration, it’s his main focus. It’s what drives him. It’s what makes you want to please him. It’s you he’s taking into his heart and soul. He’s leading you to be a better person, to grow, to feel, to laugh, to cry. You are what matters to him. He is already in control of himself. He’s already secure in his knowledge of who he is. He knows his own limits and limitations. He doesn’t need to yell, scream, or otherwise abuse you. There is no need. You follow and would do anything because you know he wants you to be a better person!
So if your dominant makes you feel small and hurting, rethink your dominant, he’s anything but dominant. If he makes you feel like you could lift the world and you can accomplish anything, you have yourself a loving caring dominant. Easy to identify really. Just feel.

I am extremely lucky, that I have a dominant man with whom I can discuss things. He helps me in any way I need and he is emotionally available to me. He knows he can depend on me and I can depend on him. This makes my submission better than most can understand. I have the trust that he will always keep my best interest at heart. That is simply what a great dominant will always do. Keep your best interest at heart, which allows you to keep his best interest at heart. Everyone wins!

I love you, Daddy, today tomorrow and always,
Sugar