Submissive Love

img_1364When I think about submissive love, I think about giving, caring, depth, empathy, serving, accepting, intimacy and pleasing. I know that I am taken care of, that I am with my protector, with the man who will be there for me. Not only today but in the future, down the road, when good things and bad things happen. He takes pride in never abandoning us, in making sure we are well taken care of in this world. His love isn’t conditional, it’s special and remarkable. He is loving and kind. A love that is not selfish, not fleeting, not stagnant. It encourages growth. It encourages strength. I follow him but never do I feel like I don’t have a say, that I have no voice. If I choose not to say something that bothers me, it’s because I don’t want to disappoint him. That eventually it will come out how I feel and why I feel that way. He always senses, sooner or later, my strife, my inner struggle with something that is troubling me. We discuss mostly, and fighting isn’t truly fighting, it’s impulsivity on my part. I have gotten better at not exploding my views like lava spewing (see How to Control a Little.) I am aware of my short-comings, I am aware that they are annoying, as well. He is also aware of my abusive home life and rarely raises his voice. (Embarrassingly, I can’t say the same.) He makes me want to be a better person, to be healthier, to be sexier, to be kinder, gentler, a more loving person in general. He draws out the best of me.

He is not only my best friend, he is my leader, my confidant, my lover, my master. I would do anything for him, just as he would do anything for me. My first and last thoughts of the day are of him. How I can please him and what I can do for him to make his life slightly easier. I don’t always succeed. He sometimes misses the mark, as well. We are real, flawed people. We have our issues, yet there is a very strong sense of responsibility on both of our parts. We need each other. We need the security of knowing that no matter what happens in our lives, we can count on each other. As humans, we sometimes get fearful. Fearful that our actions will cause each other to push away from each other. In reality, that is simply silly. We are like two sheets of paper glued, bonded together for life. Without destroying the entire paper, it’s impossible to separate them. We would hurt ourselves irreparably, as we would try separate that bond.  It is definitely a symbiotic relationship.

I don’t believe we are much different than most true D/s relationships. Our relationship is constantly growing and morphing into our own personal nirvana. Daddy is simply someone I admire, someone I enjoy, someone I find irresistible, and someone whom I see so many amazing qualities I try to emulate. Never could I imagine a life without this amazing man, luckily I won’t have that worry in my life. I am owned, loved and cherished, as much as he is.

I adore you, daddy, I simply admire and adore you. I am here for you. I am your rock, you are my deep ocean, ebbing and flowing into my heart.

I love you deeply and wholly,

Yours,
Sugar

One of the Curses of My Submission. 

Trust me, I’ve said a million times I wouldn’t make this choice to be submissive.  I mean that, too. I hate that sinking feeling when you can’t stand how pathetic you feel because someone rejected you or you couldn’t make someone happy. But those aren’t my topics today. Today, I will let you in on a secret. I can’t stay mad. Sounds innocent enough, right? Almost sounds sweet, kind, loving, something to strive for, perhaps? It is not!

What happens is this; I get very angry and hurt and cry and feel like such a failure and a bad person. I know I need to move away from that person. And I am determined to do that. It is definitely set in my mind. I am done trying with that person. Finished. It’s a good thing. It stops toxicity in my life. Stops the emotional roller coaster, stops the pain. (Are you with me so far?) All good. The pain stopped, toxic people cut out. Life goes on.

Except this happens: the toxic person is nice. They are sweet, not even remorseful, but nice enough. And poof,s all of the anger, pain, and hurt goes away. I question why I felt so badly in the first place. And faster than a tire change, they are back in my life. I have forgiven them. I am happy and all of the anger and pain is gone. Sounds great still right?  It’s far from it. These are exactly the abusive, narcissistic people that I, as a submissive woman, need to stay away from in my life. I don’t stay away from them, in an almost childlike innocence, not only forgive but nearly erase all the anger, pain and hurt. And I push the reset button. Poof, you get another chance, one to be the person I need you to be, but more than likely, one more chance to hurt me all over again.  This makes me feel very ambiguous, one part of me is thrilled you are happy and nice to me, the other part of me feels stupid, embarrassed and humiliated that I allowed you to come back and you don’t truly deserve it.

So in the grand scheme of things I dislike about being submissive, that ranks high on my list as one of the things I dislike the most. It seems to have something to do with my little because she is the most forgiving sweet thing or the angriest little demon.  She is far from perfect and far from the ideal little And yet, daddy loves her regardless, (which says a lot about him.)

I love you, daddy,

Yours, Always and Forever,

Sugar

How to Control A Little

I will admit my little Sophie is a pain in the ass sometimes. She is a pain to me as well as everyone else. She is demanding, emotional, and drama filled. Daddy gets very upset with her and I realized I needed to control her. I find it hard to do. It’s never easy. I now stop and think a bit more. I try to calm down. I try to take hours to cool off. I don’t jump to conclusions but it’s not always easy.

I also talk to Kitty and ask her opinion. I try to get it out of my system BEFORE spouting out drama to daddy. I love him so very much, it’s extremely scary to Sophie that she will be bad and make daddy leave her. It makes me cry and I try very hard to not have her react negatively. Daddy and I come with some heavy baggage and both of us have abandonment issues. I know that I’m not always easy, and sometimes daddy isn’t either!

What am I doing to control Sophie’s meltdowns? 1. I stop and think before I speak to Daddy. 2. I take a few hours before I talk to Daddy. Cool off and try hard to see his side is the story. 3. I talk it over with Kitty and see what she thinks. 4. I cry. Yes it helps me release a lot of my emotions and I get out all of my anger, fear or pain. 5. I redirect my anger, fear or pain to something else, such as; playing online games, watching TV, reading or even writing in this blog.

I try extremely hard to squelch my outbursts. It’s very difficult for me. I come from a very loud Italian background and it’s always been an upheaval and impulsive responses to things. I am trying as hard as a little can try. Unfortunately, I don’t always succeed, I can only hope to make the span between outbursts longer and longer. And maybe pray that God gives Daddy the patience to not lose his love for me because of them.

I love you Daddy, with all my heart and soul.

Yours, Always and Forever,

Sugar

The Effects of Lies

Lies are never welcomed. They hurt the fiber of all relationships. They are absolutely devastating to a bdsm relationship. Daddy and I have a serious rule- no lies. Truthfully, I find them just unnecessary in our relationship. Now, that being said, I may not like everything daddy tells me. He may want to do something that hurts me. Not purposely, mind you, but does nonetheless. Having a little, I may not always respond appropriately. I may even have a temper trantrum, upsets daddy terrribly when that happens. (That’s yet another topic to be tackled at a later date.)Yet daddy doesn’t lie to me. He truly knows that it’s detrimental to our relationship. So do I. 
It’s not that I always like what he says or does. I don’t. I’m sure he doesn’t love everything I say. I have very little filters with daddy or Kitty. I’m sure I’ve more than annoyed them with things I have said. But lying is not acceptable. It erodes the fiber of our relationship. If you tell a small lie, a bigger lie is sure to follow.

There are also different types of lies. There are socially acceptable lies. An example of that is: Do you like my shoes? In your mind you may think, “oh gosh they are hideous.” Yet out of your mouth you hear, I love them. Silly little lie. No one gets hurt. 

Another type is one that is really more of a lie to not hear a verbal drubbing. Like, “Nice bag, can you truly afford that? How much was it?” Some random number comes out. One you may seem acceptable. Mostly harmless as well, unless you are financially relying on the person to support you. Different story. 

Then there are the types of lies that are of omission. They are much more serious. They pull at the strings of trust. If you only tell me half the story what am I missing? What else did you do I don’t know about? And it doesn’t take much to cause a serious distrust in your relationship. Like a crack in a drinking cup, it may still be not leaking but one or two more you have rendered the cup totally broken and useless. 

The worst and most hurtful are just out and out lies. “What did you do last night? I was home watching TV.” When you were with another submissive or woman. It’s just unacceptable. Those lies destroy a bdsm relationship (or any relationship) quicker than a firecracker goes boom. 

Daddy and I have a rule. We don’t have a long list of rules, but no lying is one of them. It’s just unacceptable. We do not lie, period. Maybe just not to hurt my feelings occasionally, but even that I frown upon. Why? Because I can’t correct what he doesn’t like! If you hate my jeans tell me! I won’t wear them when I am with you. And will remember when I buy more! Lies by omission are more not lies with us but forgetting. I know that. I feel that from my heart. We simply didn’t remember or it didn’t seem important at the time. We don’t do that often and we rectify quickly. We never purposely lie. I can’t stand that thought of letting daddy down with a lie. He can’t stand that thought either. And no matter how poorly I take something he tells me, it’s nothing compared to what a lie would do to me. 

All in all think about what lies do to erode your relationships in life. They don’t do anything good. Ever. That being said I lie about my daddy to my spouse. Why? Because I can’t tell him the truth. If he finds out it will end my relationship with him and that’s just fine with me. I will be a big girl and handle that at the proper time. 

I love you daddy. Thank you for your gifts of honesty, love and truthfulness. I have finally chose well. 

Yours, in all ways,

Sugar

Daddy Dominant/Boyfriend or Submissive/Girlfriend

Screen Shot 2017-03-11 at 1.43.21 AMToday, all of us we chatting online and Daddy asked us to send him a private text,  describing what we thought the difference was between a Daddy Dom and a boyfriend and what was the difference between a girlfriend and a submissive. It had me really thinking. What was the difference? I thought quickly and this is what I thought. I didn’t think al that much, I wrote quickly and furiously.

A daddy is someone who has your best interest at heart. He cares and protects you. He makes sure you are very well taken care of. He never puts his needs above your needs. He may not always give you what you want, but he always makes sure you get what you need and what is good for you. He pushes your limits and helps make you a better person. He leads you in a direction that is always to better either you or your relationship with him. There is never anything more important, but maybe his natural children to him than his submissive. He loves you deeply. He can’t stand the thought of hurting you.

A boyfriend can love you and want to protect you, as well but he doesn’t always have your best interest at heart. He often has his. He is not as patient and often loses his focus, which can be anything. Job, women, television, alcohol, any number of things. He glides along easily making you the focus of how he is able to do that. He uses you to enhance his life.

A submissive has her dominants well-being and his heart always in her mind. Her first thoughts and last ones are always of him. She always looks for ways to make him more comfortable, happier more cared for.  She wants him to feel loved and adored. She needs this to feel like she is of value. She always has daddy’s best interest at heart. She loves him with all of her heart. She wants to please him- no, not wants to, needs to.

A girlfriend is someone who may think about her boyfriend but she thinks more about herself and her needs. She is not necessarily a bad person but she has her own interests in her heart. I don’t know much about girlfriends. I don’t know I’ve ever been one. I’ve always been submissive even when I didn’t know I was. I have always had my partner’s best interest at heart and didn’t think much about mine.

I wonder if anyone has a better or more complete explanation of the difference? I haven’t found much about that online, or my readings. I am very fortunate to have a wonderful Daddy who makes me think and always leads with his heart. I didn’t get a chance to talk to him abut what he thought the difference was in his mind. I will have to follow up with him.

I love you, Daddy,

Sugar

What Wouldn’t You Do for Your Dominant?

Everyone has limits. Everyone has things they wouldn’t do for anyone- not even a dominant or even yourself. I will say, I have no limits with my daddy because I don’t need them. He can’t hurt me on purpose. I know that already. There no reason to have any when he will never do something to hurt me emotionally or physically. If he asks me to do something I truly find uncomfortable, it’s easy to discuss with him. So limits to me are rather unnecessary. This is not always the case, I am well aware of that fact.

What are your limits and what is it you can’t bear to let anyone do to you? What evokes fear in you? What pain limits do you have? I will try anything once, maybe twice. Grin. If I like it, I will ask daddy to keep doing it. If not, I will see how much daddy enjoys it. If it’s something he enjoys, I love to please him. So far there isn’t really much I have had to say no to.

I’m a Daddy’s girl, nothing I wouldn’t do for my daddy. And nothing he wouldn’t do for me.

I love you daddy,

Sugar.

The Depth of Dominant/Submissive Love

screen-shot-2017-03-06-at-2-22-26-amWhat is submissive love? What do submissives do that is so very different than other people in love? What makes them so truly unusual? I’m not talking about some kinky bedroom bottom or submissive, I’m talking about the person whose main concern is their dominant. The submissive person whose thoughts are of their dominant when they wake up to, whose behaviors are driven by making sure their dominant is happy, whose fears are driven by his rejection, whose love is unconditional and never ending.

Submissives love with no boundaries, when they are sure they love a worthy dominant when they have found the level of dominant/submissive intimacy that is necessary for that lack of boundaries. As I have stated in previous articles, that excludes domineering, weak men, who can not begin to handle the level of responsibility it takes to have relationship with someone that deeply. It takes a strong, compassionate, reliable, consistent dominant, who will love that submissive with the same fire and love that she loves him. That does not mean he can not love another woman or maybe even several women, but he will never have that depth with more than one. It is impossible to maintain that type of a relationship with more than one woman. This is also true with a female Domme/male sub relationship. It’s the depth of love, of respect, of trust, of compassion, of passion, that makes this a unique type of love. It transcends all normal boundaries that exist in other relationships.

That submissive is a warrior for her dominant. She will fight for him, protect him and watch out for “snakes in the grass” for him. He, in turn, will do the same for her. He will protect her, sometimes from herself, but always from anyone who can harm her in any way, either emotionally or physically. There is a bond that is undeniable and impenetrable. They do not have to do much fighting at all, most of the time. Why? Because in this relationship, only the silliness of unknowing people can be mildly felt. It is silly to think someone could rip apart these epoxied souls, so no one gets truly hurt. Neither Dominant nor submissive feels their relationship change from other people. Even when the submissive has fears, at this level, even if she has a melt down, she is quickly righted, quickly reassured by her dominant. Her fears are put out like rain on a brush fire. They shake their heads and laugh soon after, knowing it was actually comedic and silly.

This is the type of stunningly beautiful relationship I have with my Daddy, my dominant. There is little we can’t or don’t discuss. We are flawed people, as everyone is, but make no mistake, we over come all of the adversities in our world. It is as we were made from the same cloth. The individual stands strong, knowing they are protected by the other. Our hearts love deeply, the deepest type of love, the rarest type, unconditionally. We are courageous because we know have each other’s ultimate best interest in our hearts. When you see a dominant and a submissive together, watch them interact. You will see something unusually fascinating, I promise. Something most of the world would envy if they only could give of themselves that boundlessly. Something they would need if they could understand it. Most people haven’t a clue. Pity, they are missing a world of love.

I love you with all of my heart. Thank you for making me yours,

With Love,

Sugar

How to Help Littles Handle Separation

screen-shot-2017-03-03-at-7-11-47-pmSoon Daddy, Kitty and I will not see each other for awhile. Yes, it’s only 3-4 weeks, but I am already dreading it. Daddy and Kitty will be okay, it’s me who is going to be away and daddy some of it, as well. Bad timing, bad planning, lot of reasons, but the fact remains it has happened before, and will evidently happen again. I am also sure it’s happened to a great deal of littles. Regardless of why it happens, it’s always hard on me. So I am putting together a list strategies that will help me. Most do not include anyone’s help, some will be with Daddy’s and Kitty’s help.

  1. Keep a journal of how I am feeling. Write down what I am doing and how I feel. Depending on how much time Daddy has, it’s not always necessary to share with him, (not to burden him.)
  2. Definitely continue the “Good Morning” and “Good Night” texts. It really helps to connect us for the day and helps me sleep better at night knowing I am loved and wanted.
  3. Talk to Kitty whenever possible about anything bothering me, or just to bounce ideas off of her. Always helps me.
  4. Ask Daddy and/or Kitty to talk to me on the phone at least 3-5 times a week. We usually make time for that. It may be difficult but a 5 minute phone call goes a very long way in making me feel better.
  5. Take lots of pictures to share with them in texts. It will make all of us feel like we are there together. Ask them to do the same. Include them in any activities I have going on.
  6. Ask Daddy to give me his best and worst for the day. It allows me to feel included in his world, even if he’s not there physically.
  7. If at all possible, FaceTime with them both to see and hear them, if even in virtual land only.
  8. Go shopping and get them each something special from my trip. It will also help me stay focused and remember they will be seeing me soon, just a few short weeks from that time.
  9. Do a digital craft for us, send it to them. They will be laughing at it I’m sure. It will be silly.
  10. Tell Daddy ever day how much I love him. Keep expressing my feelings if I’m missing him. He’s very sweet and kind when he knows how emotional I am.

Those are my top 10 tips for staying calm and connected to my family. If anyone has any other ideas or suggestions, they are greatly appreciated!

Love you, Daddy,

Sugar

Submissive Priorities

screen-shot-2017-02-27-at-10-20-02-pmI am a submissive who lives to please.  I love to please. I try hard to please. It’s in my nature to please. I know, a whole lot of pleasing is going on. Why then, am I not pleasing my own daddy? What is going wrong in my life? Why am I all fuzzy brained and screwing up daddy’s wishes? It’s been very difficult for me. I’ve been emotional, pushing boundaries, and being a tad bratty. Okay maybe more than a tad. Daddy has been more than understanding and more than kind and nurturing with me. I finally calmed down enough to talk to him about my behavior. I actually admitted calmly that I had a problem and I didn’t know what was wrong and I needed help. I am usually good with others issues, feeling my way through what the problems they have or how they are truly feeling. Why can’t I do that for myself? I was baffled.

I told daddy, I realized I was being a crappy submissive. I had lost my normal obedience, I didn’t know exactly what the problem was but I was going to correct it. I didn’t need to be told, I didn’t need to be “punished,” I didn’t need correction, I needed to understand what the hell was going on in my head. I had lost my focus. I had misplaced my priority. I have a lot of people in my life. I have daddy’s friends, my sister, friends, children, a spouse, work acquaintances-just a lot of people to please. I tried to please everyone, EVERY ONE…Every single person in my life. Now that is simply impossible. So I was forgetting to prioritize who I was to please. I treated everyone as equals. I was going to please them all… I just was. I don’t have to tell you the results of that fiasco. I pleased NO ONE, especially not daddy, and even not myself. I was a freaking mess!

Luckily, I thought long and hard how to talk calmly to daddy and how to approach him and what to ask him. I had a script in my head, I didn’t use it. I simply woke up and knew what I needed to say to him. I just admitted I didn’t want to keep displeasing him. That I could and would get better. That I was trying to figure out what the problem was in my own submission. He calmly said he knew what the problem was, no drama, no blaming, no making me feel small. I was simply trying to please too many people, and I was not prioritizing in the correct order. I was not making his wishes first. I was trying so hard to please everyone, I was forgetting my daddy’s wishes. It calmed my brain, gave me the clarity I needed and gave me the encouragement I so wanted. I felt whole again.

Thank you for loving me, thank you for being a loving daddy, thank you for raising me up higher and not degrading me. That’s a true dominant’s role-and no one does it better.

I love you deeply and completely,

Sugar.

When You Just Melt Down

Feels like you’re in a kayak and get flipped over. Drowning in doubts about who you are, what you mean to him, how you function, why you’re there, where you fit, and then magnify that 100 times. Gasping for air, begging to be pulled up and assured. Not knowing how to stop feeling so useless. So utterly insecure and irrational.

Forgetting your purpose, your goal, your objective. Trying to please the world and not pleasing anyone. Especially your own self. Not pleasing daddy, not pleasing your family. Not pleasing any one. Just drowning and unable to coherently understand anything.

Daddy pulls me up, and pumps out the water. Makes me focus, and forces me to rethink all my feelings. Slowly, sanity comes back-but at a dire cost. Disappointing the one person I can’t bear to disappoint- daddy.

Sighs and tears to sleep. New day, New attitude. Once again. Starting over.

It drains the sunshine. And I see cloud people. And they are raining on me.

Bring back my sunshine, please daddy.

I love you, I’m sorry,

Sugar